Oct 30, 2021

Need immediate advice for a situation at work (urgent)

This isn't bullshit, you can believe it is, idc, but I need real advice asap, plz

Long story short, I have been farting in a co-worker's water bottle for years. She's hot but a touch overweight and something about her weight combined with her sexuality always just made me think of farts. I would uncap and fart into a stainless steel water bottle she would leave in the fridge.

I must have done it 1000 times. Sometimes I would fart in her tupperware if I knew for sure it was hers. No one was ever around. She never seemed to notice. No harm, no foul, no problems.

This morning as soon as I arrive I get cornered by a security guard who basically grabs my arm and brings me to my boss's office. Everyone is staring as we do this perp walk.

I sit down and the security guard shuts the door and just stands there. My boss informs me he installed a camera to deal with theft and that he has now reviewed several months worth of tape.

"Basically you're fired. Immediately. The tapes have been handed over to the police and [co-worker] is extremely upset."

What kind of charges are even possible here? How fucked am I?

I basically ran out of the building and straight to Penn Station. I bought a ticket to Atlanta, I have no idea why, and Im on the train.

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