Planning a Wedding - What are Some Wedding/Honeymoon/Bachelor Party/Groomsman/Etc. Tips?

CRE's picture
Rank: The Pro | 28,602

I'm getting married in 2020 and going through all of the planning with the fiancee.

We have a venue and a general idea of where we want our honeymoon to be, but I generally don't know much about the little things - what do I get groomsmen, what am I expected to do, what am I expected to pay for, etc.

I'd appreciate any and all tips (including don't go through with it, har har) as well as anything you learned from yours or your buddies' weddings.

Comments (86)

May 2, 2019

I am also planning a wedding for 2020. Personally my main concern is keeping costs below $10K. I have seen some insane budgets for weddings and I can never imagine it being worth it for one single day. I understand it's a BIG day, but it's still just a day! Just my two cents. And if you're marrying the kind of girl or guy who insists on spending insane amounts on the wedding, well then... Don't go through with it, har har ;)

May 2, 2019
buggylovesfinance:

Personally my main concern is keeping costs below $10K.

Woof. Good luck with that, my man.

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May 2, 2019

Yeah this is incredibly unlikely unless you're going to do like an unbelievably small ceremony (and I mean like <30 people). Even if it's only $100/plate (much more on average), you're already at 3K just for food.

For groomsman shit, I recommend an engraved whiskey decanter. Or if your bros aren't whiskey guys, an engraved flask is nice. I've been to a shitload of bachelor parties and it's a bit all over the board, but an AirBNB is definitely the way to go over hotel rooms, even if you do Vegas. Personally I really liked Austin and Nashville. The music and food (and eye candy) are good in both places, particularly in Nashville since there are a SHITLOAD of bachelorette parties that go there. Usually the rule is that the groomsmen pay for tuxedo rental, but if you have any really wacky things (like weird socks or ties, colors, etc) then you pay for it - you pay for the rehearsal dinner and invite the bridal party, etc. But 99% sure your wife (read: her mom) will be the final say on all that BS. One thing for sure though, if you do a bach party in a far-off destination, make sure you have everyone PLAN to get there on Thursday instead of Friday. So many people had delays over the years that it was good when we had the extra day to account for this, otherwise half the weekend is toasted (i.e. if they planned to fly out friday and got there saturday, etc.)

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May 2, 2019

Lol it's going to be a 20-30 person wedding at most. We debated just saying fuck it and having a courthouse wedding. But whatever we decide to do, it's $10K or BUST. We will be splurging on the honeymoon though.

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May 3, 2019

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May 2, 2019

Ditch the wedding gift registry and ask for cash, which can then be used for your honeymoon or paying for the wedding itself.

May 2, 2019
I'm actually a squirrel:

Ditch the wedding gift registry and ask for cash, which can then be used for your honeymoon or paying for the wedding itself.

Sounds pretty trashy, tbh

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May 3, 2019

It's actually more common than you think. It's pretty much the norm in most of Eurasia and I've been to multiple weddings in the US where cash was the preferred gift of choice.

Giving cash takes a lot of the pressure off the wedding guests. Half the gifts will be from bed, bath and beyond and the other half collecting dust in the closet or garage.

May 3, 2019

We did the normal houseware bullshit but also used a website where you can add specific excursions you want to do on your honeymoon so it is more tangible.

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May 3, 2019

This is how all Indian weddings work. There are no registries and no gifts. You show up with a card and a $100 bill inside. More if you're family.

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May 3, 2019

I wouldn't recommend this. Use your registry to ask for the nice stuff that is not practical at all. I stayed out of this process for the most part because I'm a little too cheap to pick out the expensive/nice kitchen and home stuff but now that we have started receiving it, it is well worth it.

May 3, 2019
I'm actually a squirrel:

Ditch the wedding gift registry and ask for cash, which can then be used for your honeymoon or paying for the wedding itself.

Sounds greedy, but, I agree, many do in the same way these days

May 2, 2019

For my BiL's wedding, all the groomsmen got custom made leather toiletry bags with our initials stitched into the outside of the bag and a message stitched on the inside.

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May 2, 2019

On Bachelor Parties:

Go somewhere where you can have fun and keep it simple. Renting a lake/beach house and playing golf or just going to nice dinners is actually far more enjoyable than some blowout in Vegas or other big cities. The latter costs a ton of money, makes you feel like shit for a week and can potentially lead to trouble for the groom/already married guys.

If you have enough friends, the Vegas-esque shit gets old fast and the actual good times never do.

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May 2, 2019

To build on this - if your bachelor party is more than 4 or 5 people, minimize traveling. Golf or grilling or whatever are easy and don't require bar hopping or anything like that. Even if you're walking in a city, it's difficult to mobilize a bunch of drunk guys to move en masse from one location to another, let alone the horror show of getting 3 cars or whatever.

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May 2, 2019
Ozymandia:

if your bachelor party is more than 4 or 5 people

Are you supposed to invite only your groomsmen or more people than that? I've been involved in both - not sure if there is a standard.

May 2, 2019
AstralWerks:

On Bachelor Parties:

Go somewhere where you can have fun and keep it simple. Renting a lake/beach house and playing golf or just going to nice dinners is actually far more enjoyable than some blowout in Vegas or other big cities. The latter costs a ton of money, makes you feel like shit for a week and can potentially lead to trouble for the groom/already married guys.

If you have enough friends, the Vegas-esque shit gets old fast and the actual good times never do.

A high end golf trip on or near the coast with expensive food and booze is exactly what I'm thinking. Everyone involved has done debauchery, we don't really need to do it again.

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May 3, 2019

there are a smorgasbord of investment opportunities with a higher NPV than having a wedding

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Funniest
May 3, 2019
famejranc:

there are a smorgasbord of investment opportunities with a higher NPV than having a wedding

brb, dumping my girl to short the VIX

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May 3, 2019

Is life difficult as a virgin?

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May 3, 2019

Because one can't have sex if not married...

Don't cry when you come home to your sweet wife banging a bartender.

Time defeats novelty, no novelty means no intrigue, no intrigue no attraction, no attraction no feel-good stimuli source, no source hypergamy kicks into overdrive.

Don't cry a second time when you get divorce raped, she takes 1/2 of your net worth and custody of the kids.

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May 3, 2019

Isn't Jack Murphy one of the online Red Pill idols?

btw - he's marries and recommends it with the right woman

twitter: @CorpFin_Guy

May 3, 2019

He is.

There are 2 camps to the marriage argument in TRP community. Nuclear families are good for our society, but women nowadays are less fit for long term relationships (narcissistic from overblown attention on social media, lack off slut-shaming and divorce-shaming, etc.) and today's feminist societies make it hard for men to come up on top in any disagreements that may arise in a family unit (divorce, child custody, rape claims, etc.).

Marriage is LTR in hard mode.

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May 3, 2019

See: Jeff Bazos.

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May 3, 2019
JacobMoore8:

Jeff Bazos.

Yeah

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May 4, 2019

lmao

Most Helpful
May 3, 2019

Here are a few tips that others aren't likely to mention:

Bachelor party - plan everything you plan to do in advance, including every meal. You can always cancel plans, but nothing organized will spontaneously come together once 20 guys start drinking. If you do something local, invite your dad/in-law and send them home after dinner; they'll appreciate it. For something different, go whitewater rafting in West Virginia and look at Adventures on the Gorge which offer a base camp with bars, live music, and yes girls.

Wedding - easy ways to save money include hiring an aspiring semi-professional photographer (rather than a full studio), use an iPod playlist instead of a DJ and ask a friend to MC, minimize flowers and design your own table displays. No one will remember anything about your wedding as long as the drinks are free and the company is good; don't waste money on items only you and your spouse will notice. It's tacky to ask for cash, but you can keep your registry very small; once it's sold out, people will write you a check.

Honeymoon - let your spouse make all the major wedding decisions, but you take charge on the honeymoon. Beach vacations work best - you probably won't want the logistics of a European backpack trip after the stress of planning a wedding

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May 3, 2019

Who hurt you

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May 3, 2019

My ex

crying

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May 3, 2019

a couple of my girlfriends are planning their weddings - apparently there are a bunch of SF startups in the wedding industry that offer a variety of free project management tools and services... you should google them on TechCrunch perhaps.

Not sure what your spouse is like - but many girls start dreaming about their wedding day at age 6 or 7 - so it would be nice if you could let her make many of the decisions (budget permitting, etc) of course...

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May 3, 2019

One other tip - if you are one of the first to marry in a closely-knit group that will all be in each others' weddings (HS/college friends), spring for the purchase of custom tuxes, and wear them at each others' weddings. Looks far nicer and will end up cheaper than renting a boxy suit each time.

May 3, 2019
Alt-Ctr-Left:

One other tip - if you are one of the first to marry in a closely-knit group that will all be in each others' weddings (HS/college friends), spring for the purchase of custom tuxes, and wear them at each others' weddings. Looks far nicer and will end up cheaper than renting a boxy suit each time.

We're actually more like the last (I'm in my early 30's, she's in her mid to late 20's) but buying tuxes instead of renting is definitely the route I'm going. Might even help everyone with the cost too since I'd be mandating it.

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May 3, 2019

subreddit weddingsunder10k; venue first, everything else is a domino after that; spend up on photography, video not necessary imo but great photos and quality album afterwards are awesome keepsakes and make great gifts to rest of family for the next year+. can do rsvp's online instead of by mail. registry + a cash fund can be done through amazon; bachelor parties to each their own; take food tastings and cake tastings seriously since everyone will remember garbage food; let her handle majority of choices but offer your opinions to narrow the scope; we used a google spreadsheet to keep things organized, one worksheet per topic; lastly, make sure the DJ has actually done weddings before and not just parties/proms or something. it will make a difference keeping things on track, playing the right music at the right time, pronouncing names correctly, etc.; once you make a decision on something, MOVE ON, and don't constantly second guess. this is the biggest area of potential stress in my experience. godspeed. it's really not that difficult;

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May 3, 2019

one more - buy her the kate spade keds now to be her planning shoes. if she is stressing out with planning, do something else. this is supposed to be fun for both of you.

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May 3, 2019
EllisBoydRedding:

one more - buy her the kate spade keds now to be her planning shoes. if she is stressing out with planning, do something else. this is supposed to be fun for both of you.

This is hilariously specific. Done.

May 3, 2019
EllisBoydRedding:

subreddit weddingsunder10k;

Not really my goal, but I appreciate the rest

May 3, 2019

This post is pure gold. I didn't plan my bachelor party(best man privilege) I wish i saw this before I got married my goodness.

I was able to convince her to do a courthouse wedding and she caved under family pressure in the last 6 months of planning. Our wedding ended up being over 30k. This was pre-MBA so it felt a lot heavier than it probably should have been. Lucky for us her family agreed to also pony up so we only really paid for 1/4 of the costs.

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May 4, 2019

Pick up "The Groom's Instruction Manual" from amazon.

Also, one big piece of advice:

You're not going to give a single f*ck about what color flowers are on the tables or what font is on the invitations. Let's be honest here. You'd probably rather spend 10 minutes sending google calendar invites and call it a day, but no matter what, do not let this show! When presented with an option, give positive feedback to both options and let her pick.

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May 6, 2019

Drink water on the day of. Or else you start downing shots like an animal at 9pm and kill your liver by 11pm. True story.

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May 7, 2019

Getting married this summer and one thing that I've learned is that your bride to be will go crazy over some planning detail at some point even if you try and keep it small. One thing that I've tried to make sure she has internalized before the day of is that even if something goes wrong (and it probably will), you are the only ones who know that everything is not exactly according to plan. That being said just be a sounding board for whatever ideas she has for the actual wedding planning, always offer positive feedback on ideas, then you can actually pick your battles where you care (for me it was picking out craft beers to have at the bar, honeymoon destination, and getting married in a church).

As far as the bachelor party goes, I did mine in Denver and it was a blast. Did it somewhat early to catch the trail end of ski season, split an Airbnb between 8 of us and it ran less than $200/person for the whole weekend. Great beer, got to sample the local baked goods, and do outdoorsy shit like some others on this thread have mentioned, highly recommend because then you at least have a period during the weekend where you aren't getting completely obliterated.

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May 24, 2019

If your bachelor party is mostly comprised of people traveling, have it be on the thurs evening before the wedding. Saves them having to fly out twice and sacrifice two weekends.

May 29, 2019
urmaaam:

If your bachelor party is mostly comprised of people traveling, have it be on the thurs evening before the wedding. Saves them having to fly out twice and sacrifice two weekends.

Nah, not going that route. People can buck up for my festivities, just as I will for theirs.

May 25, 2019

Get a good wedding planner. This is the difference between wedding hell vs. minimal stress (trust me).

May 29, 2019
hominem:

Get a good wedding planner. This is the difference between wedding hell vs. minimal stress (trust me).

100%. Our venue requires it.

Jun 1, 2019

Yeap, but it usually costs a lot of money

Jun 2, 2019

I worked as a wedding planner. I like this job very much

May 25, 2019
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May 29, 2019
May 28, 2019
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