I'm getting married in 2020 and going through all of the planning with the fiancée.
We have a venue and a general idea of where we want our honeymoon to be, but I generally don't know much about the little things - what do I get groomsmen, what am I expected to do, what am I expected to pay for, etc.
I'd appreciate any and all tips (including don't go through with it, har har) as well as anything you learned from yours or your buddies' weddings.
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I am also planning a wedding for 2020. Personally my main concern is keeping costs below $10K. I have seen some insane budgets for weddings and I can never imagine it being worth it for one single day. I understand it's a BIG day, but it's still just a day! Just my two cents. And if you're marrying the kind of girl or guy who insists on spending insane amounts on the wedding, well then... Don't go through with it, har har ;)
Woof. Good luck with that, my man.
Yeah this is incredibly unlikely unless you're going to do like an unbelievably small ceremony (and I mean like 30 people). Even if it's only $100/plate (much more on average), you're already at 3K just for food.
For groomsman shit, I recommend an engraved whiskey decanter. Or if your bros aren't whiskey guys, an engraved flask is nice. I've been to a shitload of bachelor parties and it's a bit all over the board, but an AirBNB is definitely the way to go over hotel rooms, even if you do Vegas. Personally I really liked Austin and Nashville. The music and food (and eye candy) are good in both places, particularly in Nashville since there are a SHITLOAD of bachelorette parties that go there. Usually the rule is that the groomsmen pay for tuxedo rental, but if you have any really wacky things (like weird socks or ties, colors, etc) then you pay for it - you pay for the rehearsal dinner and invite the bridal party, etc. But 99% sure your wife (read: her mom) will be the final say on all that BS. One thing for sure though, if you do a bach party in a far-off destination, make sure you have everyone PLAN to get there on Thursday instead of Friday. So many people had delays over the years that it was good when we had the extra day to account for this, otherwise half the weekend is toasted (i.e. if they planned to fly out friday and got there saturday, etc.)
Lol it's going to be a 20-30 person wedding at most. We debated just saying fuck it and having a courthouse wedding. But whatever we decide to do, it's $10K or BUST. We will be splurging on the honeymoon though.
^
Ditch the wedding gift registry and ask for cash, which can then be used for your honeymoon or paying for the wedding itself.
Sounds pretty trashy, tbh
It's actually more common than you think. It's pretty much the norm in most of Eurasia and I've been to multiple weddings in the US where cash was the preferred gift of choice.
Giving cash takes a lot of the pressure off the wedding guests. Half the gifts will be from bed, bath and beyond and the other half collecting dust in the closet or garage.
We did the normal houseware bullshit but also used a website where you can add specific excursions you want to do on your honeymoon so it is more tangible.
This is how all Indian weddings work. There are no registries and no gifts. You show up with a card and a $100 bill inside. More if you're family.
I wouldn't recommend this. Use your registry to ask for the nice stuff that is not practical at all. I stayed out of this process for the most part because I'm a little too cheap to pick out the expensive/nice kitchen and home stuff but now that we have started receiving it, it is well worth it.
Sounds greedy, but, I agree, many do in the same way these days
For my BiL's wedding, all the groomsmen got custom made leather toiletry bags with our initials stitched into the outside of the bag and a message stitched on the inside.
On Bachelor Parties:
Go somewhere where you can have fun and keep it simple. Renting a lake/beach house and playing golf or just going to nice dinners is actually far more enjoyable than some blowout in Vegas or other big cities. The latter costs a ton of money, makes you feel like shit for a week and can potentially lead to trouble for the groom/already married guys.
If you have enough friends, the Vegas-esque shit gets old fast and the actual good times never do.
To build on this - if your bachelor party is more than 4 or 5 people, minimize traveling. Golf or grilling or whatever are easy and don't require bar hopping or anything like that. Even if you're walking in a city, it's difficult to mobilize a bunch of drunk guys to move en masse from one location to another, let alone the horror show of getting 3 cars or whatever.
Are you supposed to invite only your groomsmen or more people than that? I've been involved in both - not sure if there is a standard.
A high end golf trip on or near the coast with expensive food and booze is exactly what I'm thinking. Everyone involved has done debauchery, we don't really need to do it again.
there are a smorgasbord of investment opportunities with a higher NPV than having a wedding
brb, dumping my girl to short the VIX
https://twitter.com/gselevator/status/330524937095892993?lang=en
See: Jeff Bazos.
Yeah
lmao
Here are a few tips that others aren't likely to mention:
Bachelor party - plan everything you plan to do in advance, including every meal. You can always cancel plans, but nothing organized will spontaneously come together once 20 guys start drinking. If you do something local, invite your dad/in-law and send them home after dinner; they'll appreciate it. For something different, go whitewater rafting in West Virginia and look at Adventures on the Gorge which offer a base camp with bars, live music, and yes girls.
Wedding - easy ways to save money include hiring an aspiring semi-professional photographer (rather than a full studio), use an iPod playlist instead of a DJ and ask a friend to MC, minimize flowers and design your own table displays. No one will remember anything about your wedding as long as the drinks are free and the company is good; don't waste money on items only you and your spouse will notice. It's tacky to ask for cash, but you can keep your registry very small; once it's sold out, people will write you a check.
Honeymoon - let your spouse make all the major wedding decisions, but you take charge on the honeymoon. Beach vacations work best - you probably won't want the logistics of a European backpack trip after the stress of planning a wedding
Generally great advice but I think a professional DJ is worth it at a wedding vs. getting a iPod/MC. Quality MCs are worth it and friends/family are a great place to look for them.
Went to an extravagant wedding recently (featured in NY Times) where the couple got a well-known DJ for a sizable cost but he did a phenomenal job. The dance floor was filled and the guy was also adding in beats I've never heard before.
a couple of my girlfriends are planning their weddings - apparently there are a bunch of SF startups in the wedding industry that offer a variety of free project management tools and services... you should google them on TechCrunch perhaps.
Not sure what your spouse is like - but many girls start dreaming about their wedding day at age 6 or 7 - so it would be nice if you could let her make many of the decisions (budget permitting, etc) of course...
One other tip - if you are one of the first to marry in a closely-knit group that will all be in each others' weddings (HS/college friends), spring for the purchase of custom tuxes, and wear them at each others' weddings. Looks far nicer and will end up cheaper than renting a boxy suit each time.
We're actually more like the last (I'm in my early 30's, she's in her mid to late 20's) but buying tuxes instead of renting is definitely the route I'm going. Might even help everyone with the cost too since I'd be mandating it.
subreddit weddingsunder10k; venue first, everything else is a domino after that; spend up on photography, video not necessary imo but great photos and quality album afterwards are awesome keepsakes and make great gifts to rest of family for the next year+. can do rsvp's online instead of by mail. registry + a cash fund can be done through amazon; bachelor parties to each their own; take food tastings and cake tastings seriously since everyone will remember garbage food; let her handle majority of choices but offer your opinions to narrow the scope; we used a google spreadsheet to keep things organized, one worksheet per topic; lastly, make sure the DJ has actually done weddings before and not just parties/proms or something. it will make a difference keeping things on track, playing the right music at the right time, pronouncing names correctly, etc.; once you make a decision on something, MOVE ON, and don't constantly second guess. this is the biggest area of potential stress in my experience. godspeed. it's really not that difficult;
one more - buy her the kate spade keds now to be her planning shoes. if she is stressing out with planning, do something else. this is supposed to be fun for both of you.
This is hilariously specific. Done.
Not really my goal, but I appreciate the rest
This post is pure gold. I didn't plan my bachelor party(best man privilege) I wish i saw this before I got married my goodness.
I was able to convince her to do a courthouse wedding and she caved under family pressure in the last 6 months of planning. Our wedding ended up being over 30k. This was pre-MBA so it felt a lot heavier than it probably should have been. Lucky for us her family agreed to also pony up so we only really paid for 1/4 of the costs.
Pick up "The Groom's Instruction Manual" from amazon.
Also, one big piece of advice:
You're not going to give a single f*ck about what color flowers are on the tables or what font is on the invitations. Let's be honest here. You'd probably rather spend 10 minutes sending google calendar invites and call it a day, but no matter what, do not let this show! When presented with an option, give positive feedback to both options and let her pick.
Drink water on the day of. Or else you start downing shots like an animal at 9pm and kill your liver by 11pm. True story.
Getting married this summer and one thing that I've learned is that your bride to be will go crazy over some planning detail at some point even if you try and keep it small. One thing that I've tried to make sure she has internalized before the day of is that even if something goes wrong (and it probably will), you are the only ones who know that everything is not exactly according to plan. That being said just be a sounding board for whatever ideas she has for the actual wedding planning, always offer positive feedback on ideas, then you can actually pick your battles where you care (for me it was picking out craft beers to have at the bar, honeymoon destination, and getting married in a church).
As far as the bachelor party goes, I did mine in Denver and it was a blast. Did it somewhat early to catch the trail end of ski season, split an Airbnb between 8 of us and it ran less than $200/person for the whole weekend. Great beer, got to sample the local baked goods, and do outdoorsy shit like some others on this thread have mentioned, highly recommend because then you at least have a period during the weekend where you aren't getting completely obliterated.
If your bachelor party is mostly comprised of people traveling, have it be on the thurs evening before the wedding. Saves them having to fly out twice and sacrifice two weekends.
Nah, not going that route. People can buck up for my festivities, just as I will for theirs.
Get a good wedding planner. This is the difference between wedding hell vs. minimal stress (trust me).
100%. Our venue requires it.
Yeap, but it usually costs a lot of money
I worked as a wedding planner. I like this job very much
Skip the bachelor party. It's bullshit and it will only get you and your friends in trouble.
Doing one without strippers instead. Golf, good food, and expensive liquor at a high end resort.
Planning a bachelor party right now and have had to plan quite a few so things I would recommend:
Just ask the guy what he wants to do or if its your bachelor party provide a framework. If you want a beach trip say it or if you want to go to the wilderness point it out. This gives the person planning the bachelor party something to work with. Speaking of which, assign one person to be the planner and let them go to it. They'll have to hound everyone to get everything done but one person in charge of everything is key.
Keep track of travel + lodging costs for everyone (aka try not to price friends out of the party if you really want them to come). Nashville is a great place that's not too expensive or if anyone has been to Tybee island its a great place to rent a house and just do beach drinking. Once you're at the destination individuals can make it rain as they see fit but the fixed costs of travel and lodging will be the big number everyone looks at.
Have a plan. Whoever mentioned this before this is key. It provides structure to the long weekend and otherwise people will just drink until they're unable to do anything. Remember that you're going to go hard in the paint the first night you get there and rollover hangover is real so allow for more sleep later in the trip.
Bump - did you get married in 2020 or push? I was scheduled to but we pushed until 2021, so getting back on the planning and everything.
Honeymoon is the main thing I'm looking into, you have a set place?
Also tux, suit and from where?
Definitely need neink here to cry about CRE's liberal wedding.
Planning on proposing soon but when it comes to the wedding it’s gonna be interesting. I only have 4-5 close friends that I’ve kept in contact with through HS and college so I honestly don’t have more than like 8–10 non-family members to invite. My SO has probably 3x that amount. I haven’t talked to most of my HS/college friends in years because they’re deadbeats (drug dealers, in and out of jail)
Not really embarrassed but Idk how we’re gonna deal with that.
More importantly, did you invite your wife's boyfriend to the wedding?
or you can pull the ultimate CRE move. Get a Pad lease and go build a banquet hall from the ground up. Show those ULI guys what it really means to be a bachelor in Real Estate. Your own custom venue.
It is best to set a budget with your better half. Keep enough money with you. It's your honeymoon and obviously your husband wouldn't let you pay. For the sake of backup, keep at least $100 with you. Do not forget to keep the bag stuffed with wedding dresses for the best photographs.
Who the fuck put this under the "trending" label now? It's been two years since this was posted!
CRE might be getting married soon. I know he postponed it due to COVID.
Well then... I suppose that's okay.
I didn’t know what a bachelor trip was until this thread. It seems like a waste of money imo.
Good east coast bachelor party options? Looking for more chill than crazy.
First of all, you need to make a plan. Write down your every step, your every action, because this is a tough thing. Next, if you want to invite many guests, you should go to an event agency and hire people who will make your wedding a great event. I'm telling you this, a person who has been organizing dance floors for several years https://www.ontourevents.co.uk/wedding-dance-floor-hire. Do not forget to order the best dishes, sweets, also an essential thing at the wedding. Finally, of course, you need a host who will constantly attract guests. In short, you need to solve a lot of organizational issues, but if you do it, you will not regret it because you will remember it for the rest of your life.
Eloping is a good option
One tip:
Please do an after-party for all your friends (especially the groomsmen/bridesmaid). It's a nice gesture for everyone whose traveled/helped with the wedding. Went to a close friend's wedding a few years back and they didn't do this. A handful of the people in the wedding and their close friends ended up going out but it was so disorganized. They instead just went back to their hotel and didn't come out. I never said anything to the couple but I thought this was a bit weird and disappointing.
Thank You!
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