Should I Be Getting a Divorce Or What?

My first post garnered quite a few negative comments, as would be expected when I'm dealing with those in a situation similar to my husband's, defeated in life and ready to jump down the throats of the people you're disappointing. Thanks to those of you who understand what I mean when I say living anywhere but New York is less than desirable.

However, I'm still not hearing from my intended audience of women, both those who are finance professionals or students, and those who lurk here to get the scoop on male finance psychology. My intuition tells me that the proportion could be as high as 30%, but it's understandable that you ladies are in hiding, since the mouths on these young gentlemen need a thorough power-washing.

To the one in particular who told me to shut my "whore mouth," I'll have you know that I've only slept with one man, my husband, and will only put out for another man once the ink dries on all the divorce papers that could hypothetically be served, one day, maybe, perhaps not too far down the road.

Because I think I'm officially at a crossroads. It's not just my husband's middling ambition that has me stuck here in Austin, I thoroughly believe he's also hiding something from me about why he doesn't want to go anywhere else. He seems particularly attached to his running club, as though that weren't something he could recreate in NYC simply by jogging past a group of bums in Central Park holding a sandwich and a 40. I know it's a coed running club with a bunch of young women, so maybe that has something to do with it?

What also bothers me is that he has been running every day after work for the past few months, and yet, he somehow only seems to be getting fatter. As much as it pains me to do this, I need to ask the men directly for some guidance: is this a thing? He's 41, and exercising daily, and I don't see him eat that much, yet over the past year or so he's done a reverse Chris Pratt and I can only bring myself to touch him if I've spent the afternoon in the wine cellar.

Back to the women: what are the signs that your husband is acting shady? Is a seemingly ineffective exercise regimen actually a flimsy pretense for something else?

Sorry I'm rambling, I'm pretty tipsy. I just need some validation that something weird is going on, and since the chance is not small that he could be reading this right now, maybe there's also the possibility this will open up some much-needed conversation.

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Comments (52)

Jan 12, 2017

Honestly, the fact that you have only ever slept with one man and have no intention of cheating him is proof in itself of how well you should fit in, in a "third-tier New South burgh." Very faithful women down south.

The reverse Chris Pratt is what we men like to call the "Dad Body." It's a symbol of pride and accomplishment in our community.

    • 9
Jan 12, 2017

firstworldproblems

Jan 13, 2017

Try joining the running club. Even if you can only participate once a week. That will help you get familiarized with who is spending that time with.

Jan 13, 2017

There's a poll on the right side of the screen. If you don't see the poll results, enter your vote and you'll get to see the results.

They'll show you that most of this sites users are not the age or experience demographic you claim to be seeking input from.

That suggests you should try somewhere else or just troll harder.

    • 5
Jan 13, 2017

/thread

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Jan 13, 2017

There is approximately a 0% chance @imissmanhattanrealestate is not a troll.

    • 2
Jan 13, 2017

Not a troll. I have friends and hobbies and don't need to get my jollies from lying to internet strangers. Just seeking input (thank you for your input).

Jan 13, 2017

if you are a troll, my bad for biting. if not, hope this helps.

on the running thing, I know plenty of runners with pot bellies, running long slow distances probably has his heart in good shape, but he's not going to be ripped without lifting some weights or sprinting and getting his heart rate in the 80% range. not to mention diet, abs start in the kitchen. combine that with a slowing metabolism and WHAM! dad bod.

don't assume he's cheating on you because he's out of shape yet running. his running club could be him running 1.5 miles and then hanging out at sbux. you want to find out? ask him. or if you want to be sketch, use the find my iphone app to find out where he is.

I can't say whether or not divorce is the right thing to do, but I would definitely air your grievances and try talking it out, either amongst yourselves or with a marriage counselor. letting issues fester and solving your problems with the bottle will only make things worse.

    • 4
Jan 16, 2017

you are too good for this board

Jan 13, 2017

.

    • 1
Jan 13, 2017

2/10

Jan 13, 2017

wtf just stalk him

    • 1
Jan 13, 2017

7/10

Some creativity in story
Ironic username
Hating on chodish husband
Unnecessary trashing of NYC homeless population

    • 6
Jan 13, 2017
adapt or die:

Unnecessary trashing of NYC homeless population

+1

Jan 13, 2017

This post scared the shit out of me. I'm a white male in REPE in Austin and i'm moving to NYC in July. Hopefully you're not my wife.

    • 7
Best Response
Jan 13, 2017
HFFBALLfan123:

I'm a white male in REPE

could have just said you're in REPE

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Jan 13, 2017

Somehow I picture the OP as the Dean's Wife from Animal House.

    • 1
Jan 13, 2017

This was better than the last one. Shoot me a PM if you change your mind on fidelity and get some middling ambitions of your own, if you feel me.

Jan 13, 2017

dm me ill give ya the good d

    • 1
Jan 13, 2017
Jim_Lahey:

dm me ill give ya the good d

Get in line ass-hole

OP I'll probably buy you a laptop and ipod touch after our 4 hour bone sesh. Let me know, I'm in NYC

    • 2
Jan 13, 2017

desperation is a stinky cologne

Jan 13, 2017
Jim_Lahey:

desperation is a stinky cologne

At least I'm wearing cologne, Jim. Go find some deodorant...they have some at Duane Reade

I'm prepared to potentially offer manhattan real estate as an additional gift for OP, but our session will have to be a bit more kinky

    • 1
Jan 16, 2017
Jim_Lahey:

dm me ill give ya the good d

or DM me for extra medium D

Jan 13, 2017
imissmanhattanrealestate:

It's not just my husband's middling ambition that has me stuck here in Austin, I thoroughly believe he's also hiding something from me about why he doesn't want to go anywhere else. He seems particularly attached to his running club, as though that weren't something he could recreate in NYC simply by jogging past a group of bums in Central Park holding a sandwich and a 40. I know it's a coed running club with a bunch of young women, so maybe that has something to do with it?

This is what happens when your afternoons aren't spent in the office, but spent sitting around watching "Days of Our Lives."

The only person that is defeated in life is you.

    • 5
Jan 13, 2017

It cannot be that difficult to hire a private investigator......

It will certainly give you more clarity than asking questions on WSO, which I'm skeptical has high enough concentration of your target audience.

Jan 13, 2017

When is the last time you gave your husband a blow job?

    • 6
Jan 13, 2017

Take it from someone who's been married three times, divorce is always the answer.

Seriously, though, 41 is a tough age. You'd probably be doing him (and yourself) a favor by cutting him loose. You can return to the Big Apple without an anchor keeping you from those precious 80-hour weeks, and he can chase that SXSW tail. Win win.

    • 10
Jan 13, 2017

Tits or gtfo

    • 2
Jan 12, 2017

The answer is deinitely divorce. He can replace you with a 20-something who screws like a champ and you can die penniless in a slum. Would recommend.

    • 7
Jan 13, 2017

the fact that a percentage expression was used in this post (read: My intuition tells me that the proportion could be as high as 30%) is a red flag. a male is behind it.

    • 5
Jan 13, 2017

I'm almost convinced this is Fear The Bulge with a throwaway/"alternate alternate identity" seriously trolling everyone on this board.

    • 1
Jan 14, 2017

I'm going to side with OP this time on one point of contention alone - that this is not a troll post by female FTB.

Hubbie's in early 40s, old, flabby and doesn't have the time for sex (or maybe his body isn't what it was like and he knows it). Not to mention, he doesn't want to be in THE Goldman Sachs, and make 7-8 figure paychecks as MD. He's content with his upper middle-class ambitions, and watching his kids grow up comfortably in a good environment (at least one better than NYC). He's growing a dad bod too, which is the highest hallmark of respect dads can get. Typical behaviour.

Then there's OP. Somebody who, quite likely, has been spoon fed all sorts of princess nonsense when she was a kid, then decided to play one in real life by marrying into high finance (which is obviously the closest you can get to marrying into royalty). She criticizes the man who seemingly has been completely loyal to her, for reasons so superficial to a marriage as the NYC buzz and whatever the f*** hipster libtard chicks and fashion models dream of. She doesn't get the D no more, and of all places available to her kind (read tumblr, reddit, a shrink), she decides to come on our patriarchal alpha-male dominated, testosterone-driven website (Heil WSO! Sieg Heil!), and rants about her husband's lack of ambition. No, this site does not have 30% females - the only ones I know of are @tropos, the AA chick who went from homeless to IB, some dumbass HR chick, and some 1-2 WAGs.

Step back lady, and just introspect. Do you really think you're husband would be in Austin, if he had a yearly $1MM+ paycheck (assuming he has no other ties such as family and work bringing him to Austin)? My guess is you might have been shelling out the rent for Trump Tower (since that might be the only address you know of in NYC from sitting at home and watching repeat episodes of The Apprentice), while your kids were boarded in Exeter or Andover. But the truth is, lady, that not everyone makes a million dollar paycheck in finance. Should've done your research before marrying hubbie. Moreover, his career trajectory has almost plateaued that I highly doubt he could make a move into a high-paying role in NYC at his age. Although, he'll definitely continue to rise career-wise in Austin, or the South in general. Asking for a jump to NYC at this age is too much.

While you (and almost all the WSO members on this thread) are inclined to suggest divorce, I would advise against it. Your husband seems to be the unsuspecting victim in all of this - I doubt divorce is the last thing he's expecting after returning from work/running. Not to mention, it's not his fault at all - not his fault that he's able to provide sufficiently and more for his family, not his fault that he has a seemingly boring career, not his fault that he's doing something about his health instead of sticking around at home after work and watching episodes of 'The Real Housewives of New York City' like his wife does, not his fault that NYC does not have an opening for him now that pays a million quid, and not his fault that his dong isn't as good as it was a few decades back.

Imagine how broken he would end up, if you were to even mention the words divorce to him. I would give him the benefit of doubt on this and state that you're the only woman in his life right now, the only support figure he has and might have well into his 40s and 50s. And with that support figure gone - God save him/bless his soul...

Remember, living in NYC doesn't guarantee a lasting marriage either - Bill Ackman learnt it the hard way, when his wife of 25 years decided to call it quits (I'm surprised he hasn't cried in public yet, but he will....soon) - so I doubt moving there would do anything than to satisfy your short-term shopping-sprees, and your art gallery viewings (yuck!). That being said, the other alternative is to strengthen the marriage in other ways possible.

I'm assuming that you being one of those 'cosmopolitan (a word thrown around too often these days in liberal feminist circles) NYC chick' types doesn't let you fit in well in the South (yeah yeah, Austin, but still). Anyways, here are a list of suggestions:

  1. Try finding a real job, instead of hanging out on the internet. The idle mind has always been the devil's workshop
  2. If you don't have any suitable qualifications as demanded by respectable jobs in/near Austin, try starting a social initiative in the local areas, with the support of similarly minded peers near you. Feed some homeless people, teach some poor kids, send food to India or Africa, start an online nonprofit business......the list is virtually endless. If a 15 yr old girl can start a solid nonprofit business, I don't see why you can't.
  3. Start jogging with him too. Good for your health, and no better way to bond. I'm certain he would get Litt up. Find more opportunities to bond together like barbecues, late-night movies, picnics, competitions, dates, etc.
  4. Prepare some romantic candlelight dinner for him every now and then. A much better way to impress hubby and remind him of the past, than sitting home and watching some Kardashian fucking around. Find ways to give him small gifts and stuff. The more the surprises (in quantity and variation), the merrier. It would come up as a pleasant surprise to him, rather than something to be taken for granted.
  5. Have sex more often with him. Get kinky, play a bit with him before bedtime, do some roleplay (preferably dom-sub, because I said so), let him boss you around a little bit. Essentially update your sex life - as kids, the mere thought of sex might have been interesting, but as you age, experimentation is key to keep things interesting.
  6. Lastly, communicate as much as possible, as often as possible. Keep talking whenever it is opportune. Talk about the future, the kids, the lawn, the pets, the nonprofit, anything. If talking with him directly fails, speak to him about how both your lives have become boring as of late and how you feel you both should go to a shrink. He might hesitate, but then keep vehemently suggesting it, till he feels something is wrong and he needs to come to a shrink session.

Sorry, fellow primates, for rambling on and on, on a topic that was meant for the Cosmopolitan or Vogue or some similar shit. I just had to put things into perspective for her, so that our brother Hubbie doesn't get destroyed by a divorce. It is seemingly clear that the guy is a small-towner (relative to NYC), who doesn't have as much alpha in him as we do, yet one who requires our strong and sincere support. For a fellow brother and WSOer!

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

    • 9
    • 2
Jan 14, 2017

On another note, seems @imissmanhattanrealestate seems like a name befitting a troll, so I just wasted possibly 25 mins typing that tirade out. Hope @AndyLouis has good reason for front-paging the only two discussions of a newbie member.
If not a troll, seems that @imissmanhattanrealestate has achieved something - I know, but it's something.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

Jan 16, 2017

"Hope @AndyLouis has good reason for front-paging the only two discussions of a newbie member."

maybe paying some contractor to create controversial original posts to increase traffic on WSO? Given the number of comments on both threads, I would say it worked

Jan 14, 2017

Troll or no troll.... solid life advice

...

Dec 19, 2017
BreakingRich:

Troll or no troll.... solid life advice

Yeah, sometimes legit advice comes out of these threads.

Not to say I read all those long ass posts, but the first 5 words seemed good.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jan 13, 2017

This and the fake HR lady are trolls.

Jan 12, 2017

This is certainly the last place that a gold digging bitch would frequent. This site would at least involve a fleeting interest in finance, whereas your average gold digger would be googling plastic surgery, drinking/using drugs, looking at vacations, etc. I just hate to pass up a good excuse to release my inner rage when it presents itself though.

Jan 14, 2017

She did mention that she found this site only after her husband left it open on his PC.
I will agree with your last line though.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

Jan 14, 2017

Regardless of whether you may be a troll... one key takeaway from your posts is to never be like your husband.

Oh, and for what it's worth... good job front paging stuff like this. Highly entertaining.

Jan 15, 2017

You want to live in NY. NY is expensive and fast-paced and a lot of work. Are you going to do any of that work? Did you pursue a career?

If you're asking him to work longer hours, live in a smaller apartment, and give you more spending money so that you can enjoy a place he's unfamiliar with... what's in it for him?

He's got a life, friends, a job he's satisfied with, a hobby. You think the only reason he could possibly not want to put his own life on hold, and start working himself to death, is that he must be cheating? Why does he need any excuse, be it a running group or a mistress, to not jump through hoops for you?

Running isn't very fun in winter in NY, and next to central park isn't the cheapest area to live either. I like NY, but it's definitely not for everyone.

Imagine if it were the other way around... you were living in NY, he was working long hours pursuing a career, renting a crappy little cramped apartment, and you were loving life. He says "hey, we could move to Austin, buy a nice big house, own a car, and I'd have more time to relax." You say "no I like it here, I have hobbies here." He accuses you of cheating on him because there's no other possibly explanation for you not wanting him to have a nicer easier more comfortable life in Austin.

Jan 16, 2017

Hi- woman here- and uh, woah...first of all, I am sorry but your posts (especially your first post) sounds like it was written by a man. Just my gut feeling. Nothing sounds right about it, from coming on here and posting this question (to where your husband can read it), to your flimsy general complaints.

But if you are a woman, and if this post is true, then I would do the following:

  1. Talk to your husband about your concerns.
  2. Hire a PI or just follow him. (I mean, c'mon girl...)
  3. People can gain weight with running because they eat more than they burn. It's very common.

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

    • 3
Jan 16, 2017

I will forever be skeptical of every pathetic NYC broad I meet who's first two questions are "Where do you live?" and "What do you do?"

Jan 16, 2017

My first two questions are usually, "So what's your story?" and "Where are you from?".

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

Jan 13, 2017

I was at an event last week and when I was introduced to a young woman she asked me (or rather demanded) "Tell me one thing you're excited about in your business life, and one thing you're excited about in your personal life." Thing I was most excited about in both was getting the fuck away from that creeper.

Ladies and gents, don't believe all the cutesy networking advice you hear or see on the Internet. I occasionally encounter people and sites who advocate for "switching things up" by asking probing questions like that of strangers, and I can tell you that you'll only get a good response from the nobodies in life.

    • 1
Jan 14, 2017

Hahaha! That sounds like some young WSO broad, eager to get into the Braverman pants, only to have confused dating advice with the networking advice she's found here.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

Jan 16, 2017

Somewhere a bored analyst is laughing about how he just trolled the entire board.

    • 2
Jan 14, 2017

Shit, I just noticed. 'She' knows how to add hyperlinks. This is definitely a troll.
I feel like an utter idiot now, handing out family advice on a Wall Street forum.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

    • 2
Jan 13, 2017

plenty of people know how to use html, Mr. Quattrone. I frequent plenty of online forums and have learned a few tricks, despite having aged out of this board's Tinder range.

Jan 12, 2017
Jan 17, 2017

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 1
Feb 7, 2017