Comments (63)

Best Response
May 4, 2018

I was asked this same question at one point last year and I panicked for a second, then dug into the recesses of my mind and pulled out:

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback

I did not receive an offer.

    • 48
May 15, 2018

That's a brilliant joke.

May 16, 2018

HA just pissed myself laughing.

Maybe my sense of humor is garbage (significantly non-zero probability) or just a shtty day but that is fcking hilarious.

Would've gone to bat for you, FWIW.

"well thank god your feelings aren't a fucking priority here"

May 17, 2018

look at my sig

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 3
May 4, 2018

Hahaha ayy!! That's fantastic. I'm unsure of what's more embarrassing, that I told this joke in an interview or where I happened upon this joke (at a Nickelback concert in 2004).

Learn More

Side-by-side comparison of top modeling training courses + exclusive discount through WSO here.

May 4, 2018

Had an interview where I was asked this. definitely don't recommend this at all but I still somehow got the offer (I prefaced this by saying that it's not indicative of my views and it caught me so off guard and I could only think of one that I'd seen on FB the day before):

A racist, misogynist, and a homophobe walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be, President Trump?"

Again, not at all indicative of my views but I straight up couldn't remember one

    • 1
    • 1
May 18, 2018

That joke is freaking hilarious though lol

May 4, 2018
myPuppyVictoria:

I went to an interview, being asked tell me a joke. I told a simple one.
How will you deal with it?

Tell him/her you got reservations at Dorsia. What a joke! We all know getting reservations there is impossible.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 5
May 15, 2018

F*ck Paul Allen!

May 15, 2018

ahha I laughed, take my SB

    • 1
May 4, 2018
G-I the pharma guy:

Jokes can go two ways. Play it safe or explore their dark humour mode.

Play it safe:
How many irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Two; one to hold it and one to drink until the room starts spinning

Dark humour:
What do a weak bench and an Ethiopian father have in common? Neither can support a family of 4

Its kind of risky to do dark humor jokes in the US in interviews. lol wow

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 3
May 4, 2018

Q: What's the shortest joke in the world?
A: Your penis!

    • 1
May 15, 2018

I don't know why, but this made me think of that Seinfeld episode where George was trying to tell some guy he worked with and hated, "Hey ___, the jerk store called. They're running out of you!" Kramer just goes, "Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife!"

Classic.

    • 6
May 15, 2018

great episode.

May 5, 2018

Yeah that's a tough one. Definitely avoid the racist/political angles. Something dark/depraved might be ok if you can quickly judge the person, else a terrible dad joke might be the way to go.

    • 2
May 7, 2018

I was always advised to have one joke prepared as this was an uncommon but possible interview question. Having a joke on hand can be pretty helpful in many situations.

    • 1
May 15, 2018

Why does a midget always giggle while walking on grass?
Cuz it tickles his balls.

    • 3
May 15, 2018

Got asked the same back then in my interview and like to ask it too in the interviews I conduct (or another good question : tell me of the last time when you were sh*tfaced drunk and did a hilarious thing).

My advice: regarding such situations: be prepared. Tell industry-related jokes. And try to set the stage prior; it's always hard to be funny on the point ...

May 15, 2018

Interested in hearing few of the best answer you received.

Learn More

Side-by-side comparison of top modeling training courses + exclusive discount through WSO here.

May 15, 2018

Tell him you are the biggest one. Then leave the interview.

May 24, 2018

I lol'd.

May 15, 2018

A plane is on its way to Paris when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Paris and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Paris and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Paris."

    • 14
May 15, 2018

I loved it! My friend told me the same joke. It makes laugh all the time

English man in WSO, fresh off the boat.

May 15, 2018

Yeah, this is a good one. With my luck the interviewer will be a blonde and this is the only one I can remember....

    • 1
May 15, 2018

Ahahah would be awesome! Let us know

May 17, 2018

And the interviewers keep waiting until you finish this seven-paragraph joke?

    • 2
    • 1
May 15, 2018

Two guys walk into a bar, they both say "ow"

    • 3
May 15, 2018

A joke that was told by my boss when I was an intern on a trading floor :
-What's the difference between a prostitute and a Broker ?
-The prostitue doesn't change her prices depending on the size.

I suppose that could be a fun one to tell in an interview

    • 4
May 15, 2018

One of my friends was interviewing for a non-finance position a few months after graduation (having been unemployed since graduation) and was asked to tell a joke. After being asked, he paused for 10 seconds or so, then responded that he couldn't think of one on the spot.

Then after a few more seconds, he said: "Well....I actually do have a joke about being unemployed....but it still needs some work."

He is no longer unemployed.

    • 8
May 15, 2018

Good stuff, absolutely have to file this one in the memory bank. It's just the right amount of quick, witty, and off the cuff.

May 19, 2018
Monkey2678:

One of my friends was interviewing for a non-finance position a few months after graduation (having been unemployed since graduation) and was asked to tell a joke. After being asked, he paused for 10 seconds or so, then responded that he couldn't think of one on the spot.

Then after a few more seconds, he said: "Well....I actually do have a joke about being unemployed....but it still needs some work."

He is no longer unemployed.

I would've stood up and applauded.

May 24, 2018

Haha this is great

May 15, 2018

Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one orders a glass of blood.
The second one also orders a glass of blood.
The third one asks for a glass of hot water and takes a used tampon out of his cape, while the others look in surprise. "What? A guy can't make tea now?"

    • 1
    • 1
May 15, 2018

Another came to mind.

A gay couple is going on a vacation and board a long-haul overnight flight. They get on the plane, it takes off and after an hour or so the cabin lights dim and the passengers fall asleep. One of the guys turn to his partner and says 'hey...want to fool around?' and the other replies 'of course not! We're on a plane and everyone can see and hear us'. The first guy insists and says 'I guarantee you everyone is asleep and no one will hear or see us. To prove it I'll ask for a glass of water, if no one replies then we can have some fun'. The partner accepts and the first guy stands up and shouts 'a glass of water please!'. No one answers and no one seems to look around. Having seen that they're in the clear the couple start having some fun.

The next morning the flight lands and as passengers are walking down the main aisle to leave a cabin attendant notices an old man shaking as he leaves the plane. She asks 'what's the matter sir?'. The man replies 'I was so cold last night and had to sleep in this freezing temperature!'. The flight attendant asks 'why didn't you ask for a blanket?' and the old man replies 'the man in front of me got ass fucked for wanting a glass of water, what the hell would happen to me if I asked for a blanket?'

    • 14
May 24, 2018

hahahaha! Gold

May 15, 2018

What do you call a chicken coop with 4 doors?

A chicken sedan

    • 4
May 17, 2018

Keeping it pg with the dad jokes i see.

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.

May 15, 2018

What's the capital of Greece?

About 3 Euros

    • 28
May 15, 2018

Ha! Good one! SB

May 22, 2018

"About 3 gyros"

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

    • 1
May 23, 2018

Dad?

    • 1
May 15, 2018

I would just show the interviewer the return assumptions used in State and Municipal Employee Pension funds. If they don't find those hilarious you don't want to work there.

Or maybe show them the guy on YouTube who is an expert equities investor because he started buying stocks in 2009.

May 15, 2018

I think I got this one from WSO...

An aspiring analyst is interviewing for a position in the MD's office, and while they are discussing the opportunity his assistant walks in and hands the MD a stack of resume's that just came in.

The MD sets the resume's on his desk, grabs the top half of the stack, and dunks it in the trash. The interviewee protests "You didn't even look at those! Why did you throw them away?"
MD says "I don't want anyone unlucky working at this firm"

    • 17
May 15, 2018

When you say the word poop and when you actually poop, your mouth makes the same shape as your anus. The same is true of explosive diarrhea.

    • 2
    • 1
May 15, 2018

You can probably pull this at any bank other than DB:
Q: "Tell me a joke"
A: "Deutsche Bank's stock price"

May 15, 2018

Ah cmon, we can do better.

What about like...why is Deutsche net short Trojan?

Cuz they started to pull out

    • 1
May 21, 2018

Still pull that at DB, because dishing out a sick burn like that is way better than actually working at DB

May 15, 2018

There is a family of three bears, and the parents are getting a divorce. One day they head to court to determine who gets custody of the baby bear. The judge asks the baby bear if he wants to live with the papa bear.

The baby bear responds - "No, he beats me." Shocked, the judge asks the baby bear if he wants to live with the momma bear. The baby bear responds "No, she beats me too."

The judge doesn't know what to do, so he asks the baby bear who he wants to live with. The baby bear responds - "The Chicago Bears, because they don't beat anybody."

May 23, 2018

A banker, a trader, and a lawyer are on death row and are faced with the electric chair. On the day of their execution, the warden comes to them and says "Listen up, gentlemen. One at a time you'll sit in that electric chair, you'll have a chance to speak your last words, and then you'll die."

First up walks the banker. He sits in the electric chair and the warden asks "any last words?" "I'm innocent" says the banker. The warden pulls the switch and nothing happens. He then says "Huh, that's one in a million, you're free to go" and lets the banker walk.

Next up walks the trader. He sits in the electric chair and the warden asks "any last words?" The trader says "I'm innocent." The warden pulls the switch and nothing happens. He then says "Huh, that's one in a BILLION, you're free to go" and lets the trader walk.

Last up walks the lawyer. He sits in the chair and the warden asks "any last words?" And the lawyer replies "before we get into that, sir, your chair's unplugged"

    • 5
May 18, 2018

I've heard a similar joke, except it was a guillotine and the last person was an engineer. The engineer mentions that the guillotine isn't working because it is blocked. He is subsequently executed.

Made ya look

May 16, 2018

It is hard to make an impression with a plane joke. I usually use this one to impress my audience:

A father was fucking his son one day when he said: "Now you get it why it's so bad that your mother died."

    • 5
May 4, 2018
Shimp:

It is hard to make an impression with a plane joke.

https://media0.giphy.com/media/l0IyoqulCpw5YqTGE/source.gif

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 1
May 18, 2018

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

May 19, 2018

Yankees' bullpen.

    • 1
May 21, 2018

A man boarded a plane and was seated next to a stunningly beautiful woman. After the flight took off, he struck up a conversation. The woman told him that she was flying to the destination city to attend a conference on sexual myths. The man became extremely interested in the direction of the conversation. He asked her with a smile, "so, what are some sexual myths I should know about?" The woman casually replied, "well, people think that black men are the most well endowed, but that's not true. It's actually Native American men. And people think that Italians make the best lovers; it's actually Jewish men." The man replied, "fascinating indeed." The woman then blushed and said, "I'm sorry; we've been talking for a while, and I still didn't get your name."

After a brief pause, the man blurted out with gusto: "My name is Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."

    • 6
May 22, 2018

this one got me, i'm dying

May 21, 2018

A financial adviser calls his client.
"I'm afraid have some bad news and some worse news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"The bad news" says the client.
"All your money will be gone in 24 hours."
"Oh my God," the client says. "And what's the worse news?!"
"I should have made this call yesterday."

    • 3
Jun 4, 2018

What did the options trader say after a long day of trading with heavy losses? "It's time to call it".

Jun 4, 2018
Comment
    • 4
Jun 10, 2018
Comment
Jun 19, 2018
Comment
Jun 19, 2018
Comment

"It is better to have a friendship based on business, than a business based on friendship." - Rockefeller.

"Live fast, die hard. Leave a good looking body." - Navy SEAL