The more I think about life, the more it disgusts me

This post is in regards to existential philosophy. If your're going to read it, make sure to read it in full before making opinions.

I'm going to open it by first asking: what do you each think is the point to life and why?

I started questioning much more deeply given the world we now live in - I've been told "don't think too much", "be thankful for what you have". s*it like that. Why are we here? To make money? I truly believe I would be happy with liquid cash of $50 million+ and there's nothing wrong with that and it's quite rational actually - because with that level of money, lies the freedom to travel anywhere, spend time chasing hobbies, and not be constrained to any kind of necessary financially related commitment. Therein lies the paradox - to get to that level of wealth (before 40) would theoretically require a great career. So joining the rat race in search of money.

Many will say "Oh you're a fool to believe money equates to happiness". F**k you - with that kind of money, you can live with complete freedom. It's not about materialistic s*it even.

"But can't you do that anyways now" Well let me tell you something Sherlock, if you just drop everything and move to Florida to live simply - who's going to take care of your old parents, who's going to cover your retirement, who's going to finance a decently quality of life? If your answer is the government, go to hell you Bolshevist socialist f**k. If your one of the small group of people that inherent money of that extent, enjoy it and don't be a delusional, egotistical asshole.

Why does my family love me? Why do I love them? Is it simply because I was born into this family/my parents had me? If so, why can't I develop that level of trust and affection with someone outside of blood related family?

Why is it that all of my friendships are bred of business related activity or shallow fun endeavors?

Why is it that every pretty girl I sleep with, or any girl that seems to take romantic interest in me, only seems to do so because they perceive me to have means? Would those interactions have been the same had I not had a penny to my name?

I would love to not think so much tbh - to a degree ignorance is bliss.

I've come to the conclusion that we must never loose sight of the fact we are animals. Complex animals, but nonetheless, f**king animals. Women if not consciously then subconsciously) will choose men with money and men will never have the opportunity to meet a sexy girl with a great mind, who wants the man for who he is and his dreams - as he would of her.

No - it's not a sense of being jaded, but rather a realization of the fundamental truth.

And what is especially frustrating, is having a front-row seat to witness to fascism and destruction of society. As soon as we crossed the first line of facts not mattering, of course it's only downhill from there. Why do you think people are being brainwashed into believing in getting rid of the police, that gender is figment of perception, and masculinity is bad?

Yuri Bezmenov articulates exactly what is happening - search him up on youtube and analyze his work

I am straying from the original topic of discussing the question of "why we are here" but in terms of the future - I foresee AI destroying the notion of freedom, opportunity, and the world as we know it.

This is the beauty of having abundant free-time to experience thoughts and question life much more thoroughly than before. Normally, I would describe myself as a business-oriented guy that chases life everyday with a lot of energy. But taking into consideration these realities makes me realize how dependent we are to routine, institutions, and external directions.

I want to be free motherf**kers.

Very curious to read the thoughts of responders assuming there are any who take the time to analyze this and shoot some replies.

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Comments (60)

Jul 13, 2020 - 11:56am

why does anyone do anything
we're born alone and we die alone
try to have some fun inbetween


Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.
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Jul 13, 2020 - 12:10pm

You can die collectively if you go out of your way to

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  • 1
Jul 13, 2020 - 3:56pm

You can die collectively if you go out of your way to

you might be surrounded by people but youll always be truly alone
like deep down
you know its just you yourself and irene
nobody's coming


Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.
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Jul 15, 2020 - 11:00am

Folks, I'm telling you, birthing is hard and dying is mean- so get yourself a little loving in between.

path less traveled

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  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Jul 13, 2020 - 12:12pm

didn't read your long ass wall of text

yes, it sucks that you need to work a lifetime to earn an enjoyable amount of money

yes, girls are shallow, and will exponentially be interested in your money as they grow older. Try fucking younger thots. However, you should dig deeper: wtf is money? Money is social dominance & power.

now, you seem all ripe for some life-changing experience. Hit some clean LSD blotter and think long and hard about your theories and how you feel, then tell us about your conclusions

  • Prospect in 
Jul 13, 2020 - 12:16pm

Piece of advise: don't take LSD alone, take with friends you really like. Also agree beforehand to give each other time to think, don't waste the whole trip doing fun stuff

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Jul 13, 2020 - 12:23pm

Was it really LSD? How much did you take? Was your psychedelic experience positive or negative (bad trip)? Were you taking other medication at that time, like SSRIs? I am not aware of any such long-term effects, sounds weird.

Jul 13, 2020 - 12:29pm

Yes it was real LSD and I took 6 tabs. I wasn't on any other drugs during it but I was drunk(10-15 drinks deep). I wasn't taking medication after it but I did lots of other drugs on a regular basis. But yeah I had a terrible trip I thought I died multiple times and had out of body experiences.

Weirdest thing I ever experienced and I had tripped many times since I was 13 and first did shrooms. It was a huge wakeup call to turn my life around and I'm successful now so it all worked out.

Jul 14, 2020 - 8:49am

That happens with Tryptaimes (and to a large extent, Phenethylamines). Entheogens and enactogens can have that effect, especially when in overly positive or overly negative environments. Part of the problem (and I get this - I've seen friends take too much and have bad trips and I've been the sober sitter for friends in the past because someone had to make sure they didn't do something stupid), is that if you aren't in the right place mentally, it can mentally destroy you. While it sounds like your an experienced psychonaut, the odds of having a bad trip are always there.

Considering how Tryptamines and Phenethylamines work, I'm honestly not surprised you had such a negative reaction in that kind of setting.

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Jul 13, 2020 - 12:19pm

I can relate man, the world sucks!

Like Kodak Black's album "we are dying to live"

I just want to live without so many fucking responsibilities, but that's not realistic.

Jul 13, 2020 - 12:58pm

Couple things to say here
Deep friendships can exist but they take far longer to form then your typical acquaintance. As for women, I'd suggest you look somewhere else . If you keep going to the same fancy bar where all the rich (often shallow) men hang , then it shouldn't be too surprising what type of girls are there. Even if you're a higher up in IB I assume you've been working longer hours and haven't had the time to find such people or develop such relationships. If that is what you want in life you should consider a career switch.
As for your last comment on society collapsing, I do share your fears at time. However the US isnt the only country in the world, and there are other societies/nations that one can choose to live in. You should definitely look into it

TLDR You may want to consider moving out of your bubble, since you aren't finding fulfillment in Where you are in life


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Jul 13, 2020 - 6:08pm

Agree with this. You reap what you sow. If you look for superficial traits in others when looking for friendships/relationships you will get exactly the people you're looking for. OP's implication that women only care about money and that men somehow are deeply sensitive creatures who care about women's dreams is quite odd. I suggest reading Models by Mark Manson - will help you achieve fulfilling relationships and maybe get your narcisstic head out of your ass.

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  • Intern in RE - Other
Jul 13, 2020 - 1:30pm

I feel you. Was stuck in this line of thought for a few years while going through a transitory period in my life that left me pretty confused and hopeless for a while.

As others have mentioned, the answer to this question is totally up to you. Everyone else's answer to this is just like, their opinion, man.

My advice? Watch the Big Lebowski, read the summary of Camus' Myth of Sisyphus, check out this article on Hacker Noon - do shit to look at how others have overcome this same conundrum, and try to remix it into your own individual answer.

To quote Dan Harmon, the co-creator of Rick and Morty:

"Do I agree with Rick that nothing means anything? No I do not because the knowledge that nothing matters, while accurate, gets you nowhere. The planet is dying. The sun is exploding. The universe is cooling. Nothing is going to matter. The further back you pull the more that truth will endure. But when you zoom in on Earth, when you zoom in a family, when you zoom into a human brain and a childhood and human experience, you see all these things that matter. We have this fleeting chance to participate in an illusion called I love my girlfriend and I love my dog. How is that not better?"

Jul 13, 2020 - 8:00pm

This is some really low quality "I'm 12 and this is deep" type content. Your thoughts are all over the place.

Pull yourself together, man. You say that you aren't materialistic and then complain about material. You say that we should not lose sight of the fact that we are animals, but then don't elaborate on why that is important aside from stating some mopey "women are heartless" type argument.

Why can't you form a trust bond with someone that is as strong as the one you have with your family? Uhhh maybe because you haven't lived with someone else for 10+ consecutive years man.

What a weird post. Jeez.

Jul 13, 2020 - 8:21pm


This is a lot, but I've been here. I do think a lot of your anxiety comes from viewing all of your questions in the same frame.

The first thing i'd like to mention about your questions is that your really probably do not want complete freedom. I like to think that what somewhat assigns meaning to our lives (or rather value we can assign to our lives) is the inherent constraints that have been assigned to us. What constraints? The things that make your life the most difficult. Name me a moving myth or story where the protagonist had everything easy. A stupid example but, if you have every played minecraft, creative mode gets boring really quickly, whereas the other survival mode has a sense of entertainment value. What I'm getting at is that if you got everything you wanted, there would be nothing left to do.

-- yes i'm 25 and i play minecraft sometimes come at me --

So why is this significant? Challenge yourself. Find the single thing in your control that you could and should improve, and do that. The harder, the better. You aren't perfect, and you never will be, so this could be an infinite source of newlyfound meaning through adding more difficulty to your life.

My second piece of advice is to avoid intellectual masturbation. When you ask these questions, do you do it because it actually are thinking this way, or does it make you feel smart and sophisticated? Instead of posting on a forum, read more and stay oriented on tangible tasks. Start with the stoics because their operating system could help you with existential anxiety and the lack of inherent meaning of life. Seneca said something similar to "don't preach your philosophy, embody it." Start with Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (the hays translation), and then PM me if you'd like.

My third piece of advice is to go out of your way to be kind to the people who are the worst to you. (stoic stuff may be pouring in but i think it's helpful) When people bother you, they are hurting themselves through damaging their character. They can't harm you unless you let them.

Also a small disclaimer, I don't know anything but this is all i've got so yea

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Jul 13, 2020 - 9:57pm

there's no purpose other than the most basic e.g. procreate, desire to survive, etc. are the most easy drivers. The point of life is to figure out how to survive and multiply.

on a more existential level, the capacity to think of this question means the answer is equally what you make of it. if you want to set arbitrary conditions for self actualization so to speak and believe in god and afterlife etc that's up to you. if not, you chase a combo of a) short term pleasures like food sex drugs sleep exercise etc and b) long term 'satisfactions' e.g. accomplishments, social acceptance and dominance / hierarchy (somewhat achieved through money as a status).

I think there's some science that says those with higher social standing have better emotional regulation on average or something. idk. but anyway, I think that the capacity to think of anything to this answer without a real answer means FIGURING OUT what you GENUINELY believe, whatever that means, and acting it out. some sort of alignment and self actualization is something I definitely believe in (as an abstract).

Jul 14, 2020 - 12:34am

I have two notes:

one, I wouldn't say there's a "point" to life in so far as it necessitates a planner or some other source of i n t e n t (I'm fine with God, but let's be honest it's more likely to be Azathoth than jacked-Santa). I don't want this to become a religious discussion but the point of existential philosophy is another attempt to create moral value absent divine command dictating "the good." As I said on another existential rant our only freedom is the one to dictate priorities in our lives. This distinction separates the existentialist from the nihilist. If we're destined to be Sisyphus pushing a ruck uphill, our only choice is whether or not we choose to value the hand we've been dealt. It's entirely possible that there's a demon who calculates your score after death and stacks you up somewhere below Dan Bilzerian and above 1ronyman, however even valuing the demon's approval over jumping the Grand Canyon on a skateboard is still arbitrary given that we've accepted a world-view that denies the existence of moral value.

Two, I think many people choose demanding jobs like finance because a demanding career fills our time where we could otherwise be focused on existential angst, and some people get really worked up over league tables to finish off any residual angst. I'm curious how Covid and continued WFH will impact the frequency of posts where people scream into the void. Morals are tricky, but enough monkeys in a room can probably bang out a good first draft.

Jul 14, 2020 - 12:51am

emotions are feminine and submissive. the whole "chasing happiness" thing is a cringy sham that's never really existed. at the very core, satisfaction (which is the real thing to 'chase') is procreation and starting a family. it's hardwired into us. but ultimately doing what you want to do.

"Women if not consciously then subconsciously) will choose men with money and men will never have the opportunity to meet a sexy girl with a great mind, who wants the man for who he is and his dreams - as he would of her."

This honestly screams lack of perspective. Both sexes want the same thing really to an extent, there's literally no point in complaining about this. It's like when ugly people complain about how girls are shallow and only care about looks, yet said ugly dudes wont smash an ugly girl because they're not

"I've come to the conclusion that we must never loose sight of the fact we are animals. Complex animals, but nonetheless, f**king animals"

This is hands down one of the most beautiful things in general about life, learn more about how different animals interact and live in general in the wild and compare to humans...we're not all that different. You can see it day to day with how people act in general, it's very primal. It's like seeing the human world from a completely, unbiased omniscient perspective.

"Many will say "Oh you're a fool to believe money equates to happiness". F**k you - with that kind of money, you can live with complete freedom. It's not about materialistic s*it even."

it doesn't. if this is the case, why are there CEOs worth millions over millions who are literally still working and chasing for more? they're obviously lacking and compensating for something. either way it's pretty well noted that many famous/rich people cave into drug abuse since they're constantly that "happiness" I talked about earlier but is a dead end. Michael Jackson was literally the biggest icon that will be remembered 100 years from now and had the whole world in his hands...he was a fucking drug addict and clearly had severe body image issues at the root of it all. you can't escape stuff like this with money.

This is just my .02, and I'm pretty inexperienced so this is nothing to take to heart, just like spilling my thoughts on subjects like these.


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Jul 14, 2020 - 12:52am

What makes you think that life has some sort of inherent point to it? It's just hard concrete from start to finish. Now, you can do your darndest to imbue it with some meaning. I keep trying but lord knows I just can't. It just strikes me as a bullshit waste of time from start to finish. I can't even motivate to apply for work, raise funds or show up to work anymore. Just... fuck it.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Jul 14, 2020 - 4:24am

Just read some philosophy. If you want the purpose of life go with some existentialism (Sartre, Camus), Nietzsche may help justify your grind as well (will to power).

Jul 14, 2020 - 9:09am

Q: what do you each think is the point to life and why?

A: in the biological sense, the point of life is to reproduce and then become worm/mushroom food. existentially, I don't know that it has to have a point. if it did, would the point be knowable? if it was knowable, would it be predetermined or malleable? the more you pull on this thread, the more you unravel and the more questions appear. this can lead to immense frustration, so while I do think about big things sometimes, you're not going to solve anything and it can turn into a lot of wasted energy.

rather, I like the idea of an examined life. regardless of what the point of life is, or if there is even a point, think about this. you enter this world naked and with nothing, and you leave this world with nothing. you have no control over what you were born into, but you have control over your reactions to situations, and what you make with what you are given. I view this as a challenge, to live a life that is in accordance with my values to the best of my ability. am I doing things that I can find meaning in? am I leaving things better than I found them? much of what happens externally disgusts me too, but that doesn't mean I have to allow those negative things to occupy my mind permanently. also remembering history can give you perspective. we've interred japanese american CITIZENS, talked about the benefits of eugenics, among countless other questionable things. society will always have some looniness to it, it's your choice on whether or not you let it get to you.

maybe I've found peace (somewhat) because I've accepted the notion of surrender. I can't change the world, I can't change society, I can't even influence my own family members' political beliefs. so what is someone to do when it seems so much is outside of your control? surrender. surrender to the notion that you have limited power to change things outside yourself, and accept that. try to arrange your life so you can survive the inevitable shocks things throw at you (NNT calls this antifragility). perhaps this notion is why I love self improvement, because it's within my control what I do for my body, mind, and self. maybe this works for you, and maybe you find peace. I can't promise you'll find $50mm, but perhaps if you accept the notion of surrender, you will be happy with whatever money you have, and not like some I've seen who hit a financial goal and then immediately want to go to the next level, but not for the love of the game, but because they're chasing happiness and have yet to find it.

and finally, on your freedom comment, you're as free in your mind as you allow yourself to be. you make it seem like structure is bad. perhaps it's not that structure is inherently bad, but that your current structures don't work for your values. try to analyze what is actually causing you discomfort before you condemn the idea of routines et al. unless you move to your own planet with your own everything, you will always have to be a part of some society, even people living in the Amazon via subsistence are influenced by externalities, even the Sentinelese, the most free people (never really contacted by foreigners) are at the mercy of external things like mother nature and the environment. you can never be truly free, but that is also OK.

it sounds to me like your introspection could lead to a good place eventually, and I hope you find peace.

Jul 14, 2020 - 3:05pm

The problem with the theory of the anti money enthusiasts is that they don't understand the significance when someone says, "money isn't real". They think it means that you can just give it away and nothing changes, or its design is as a system of control by the rich and powerful. They don't realize that the rich and powerful may be pulling the strings, but it's more as exploitation of systems rather than the systems themselves are inherently evil.

Money is made up, this is true, but it's no less important than the house you live in, the clothes on your back, or the family unit that you are born to. It's not to say that its treatment should necessarily be the exact same as how we treat family, but it is an extremely instrumental institution that looks to be unlikely to be replaced. It is a bedrock of modern society.

But, not to go into economics, I just wanted to point out the fundamental difference with the way money is and the way people as a collective tend to view it, which is something to exploit. To gain more of because no one can definitely say what the purpose of life is. Money is the key that, as you mentioned, unlocks great freedom of choice, as you can potentially eliminate a boss, stress, worry, limitations, or even being tied down to any type of commitment. So of course the easy thing to reach for when it comes to the search for purpose, is more of the thing that comes with all these wonderful benefits. But the benefits should be moreso viewed as a means to an end not an end in itself.

What is the purpose of traveling with no purpose? Why shouldn't you have a boss and what would you do with all that personal new found freedom? Just because you can have so many of the fantastic benefits money comes with, doesn't necessarily mean that you need them or would know what to do once you get them. I think the real key to chasing money is just enjoying the ride.

If Steve Jobs didn't first just simply find enjoyment in this weird, nerdy, niche that we now know as computers, he probably would have never met Woz and eventually go on to amass one of the greatest fortunes at one of the most prominent computer companies in the world. And it's not about enjoyment in something large in prominent. Computers were very niche and no one believed in them until Apple was created. The enjoyment Steve Jobs found in this small, seemingly inconsequential hobby is where he could find happiness, and didn't need to be something prominent, prestigious, or socially respected.

Money isn't the key to happiness. It's the key to a bunch of nice benefits that are hard to come by without money. Happiness is a personal endeavor where society has no real role in you achieving it.

Jul 14, 2020 - 3:07pm

to learn how to ollie

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

Jul 14, 2020 - 3:54pm

Blown away by the quality of most of the responses - going to dig into this. It's a process not a deal maybe that's one way of describing it...hope everyone else finds good peace as well

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jul 14, 2020 - 4:16pm

lol dude you're just listing out personal problems and equating them with "life"

if you think that your family only loves you because you were born to them, then that says more about your own personal relationship with your parents than it does on the abstract concept of family or life

if all your friendships are based on shallow endeavors, then it means you don't know how to build relationships and probably have no meaningful life outside of work.

if girls only like you for money, then it means you're flaunting it and looking in the wrong places. you're not gonna find wifey at a club

people are also not being brainwashed to want to get rid of police - that's just a radical, small sector of people promoting crazy things. Nor people are really saying masculinity is bad - they are saying that the traditional masculine model puts on a pedestal emotionally toxic behaviors which have literally been shown to be unhealthy (ie. bottling up emotions). Only the crazies are saying things like kill all men. When it comes to things like patriarchy, systematic racism, etc, things are much more nuanced. The key is in the details.

Something I find funny is how many reactionaries are really just coming from a bad place. No wonder why you hate the world, when your life is so empty and shitty.

life is what you make out of it, and it's all in your head. don't feel bad for the people in third world countries living on $1,000 a year... most of them are actually happier and more fulfilled than you overindulgent, materialistic Americans.

Jul 14, 2020 - 10:55pm

not personal problems - clearly framed as general questions

if you're in IB it'f funny you say the first part as some kind of guaranteed assumption

not flaunting. your assuming that

unfortunately definitely not a small sector - it's bullshit what modern feminists try to portray men as and it's completely ridiculous

that's an arrogant statement - never said my life is shitty, it's actually good. More about questioning the meaning but I wouldn't say to the extent of calling it empty

Yea don't remember writing anything about feeling bad for the ppl you described..haha I'm African which is funny and shows the assumption

But u raise an excellent point in regards to it being in your head. I agree with a previous response that emotions tend to be feminine and unhealthy, but these are unique circumstances so naturally a regularly simple-minded guy, in the context of "existentialist philosophy" didn't think too much.

I didn't give this much effort into questioning purpose until now (given the aforementioned) so it's a pain in the ass but the unfed mind devours itself as they say...just think it's important to give purpose serious consideration from time to time, or else you may loose it altogether...but one must also be in the moment

Jul 16, 2020 - 1:13pm

Your questions are not unique, humanity has existed for thousands of years now, and thousands if not millions have asked the same questions as you have.

Whenever you feel alone remember the sentence above, our ancestors have experienced the same grievances, pleasures, and happiness that we have, and odds are that some have written about it as well.

Find them and read their stories maybe then you can find an answer. To give you my opinion which is shared by many, is that life's purpose is whatever you want it to be. And that's the beauty of it, that we are given the choice to choose how we spend our lives. Some choose to build upon human knowledge and capacity (Musk, Scientists), others choose to help others (Mother Theresa, Gates), others choose to become the #1 at whatever they do, and some just want to enjoy the pleasures of it. None of the choices are wrong, it is up to you.

With respect to girls, money is one component in evaluating you. Some might put more weight on it than others (i.e gold diggers at an extreme) but it is still a reasonable factor as it signals stability and safety. Would you date a hobo? Maybe you would depending on how your weights are distributed but this varies with everyone.

Jul 18, 2020 - 2:22am

cc: Taleb - >Fuck you moneny

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

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Jul 31, 2020 - 9:00am

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