Three Gold Digger Stories
For fun now that we've sent in and got vetted by the cool cats who run WSO, here's a laundry list of gold-digger stories for you guys. Will try to keep this entertaining.
1. The Window Smasher. I previously wrote about this topic in a different thread without much back story so this was the first real long-term experience with a gold digger. She was in her low twenties cute (as all gold diggers are) and I had recently been in a dreaded dry spell. After said dry spell we "connected" and fast forward 1-2 months and the games begin.
After a trip out for work, I came back to receive 20+ emails from said gold digger on buying some sort of clothing item. Generally you want to kick these girls right before the expense line gets real high (lesson 1), you actually don't pay up much for gold diggers in the beginning its the long haul that gets you. She thought it would be okay to attempt to apply for numerous credit cards under my name and of course all of them were declined (lesson number 2 is never to let a gold digger know where you live). After the fiasco I proceeded to black-out in the city, ended up with another girl and said golddigger was already in my apartment when I returned with the new girl. This turned into a disaster, fighting name calling, attempts to call the police... Whole nine yards.
Several days later we decided to "part ways". As they say there is nothing worse than a "woman's scorn"
Fast forward two weeks and I'm informed that my windows are broken. The girl sweet talked the security guy and i'm out several G's in damages. FML. Lets move on to the better ones.
2. The Plastic. This is another good one and the title should say it all the girl wanted every single type of additional help with plastic surgery she could get. I'm definitely not paying for that. Anyway, learning from the original gold digging disaster I attempted to end this one in a month time frame but things ended up getting sped up.
After a week of "dating" hints of commitment and moving in (they always try to find a way to move in) I was getting ready to drop the interaction when she alerted me that she would be getting "enhancements" over the weekend (another hint she was always looking for a richer man). So I stuck around.
Fast forward two weeks and she had glute implants... They were done improperly and it looked like she was a pancake. The dating ended.
3. The Groupie. This one was pretty good. Some of these crazy ones will attempt to get other gold diggers to date you simultaneously (also a common trend in gold-diggerism). Being the idiot that I am I attempted to flip this situation into some sort of "group" fun with one of her girlfriends. After convincing this girl that it would be a great idea, she was already "okay" with it, we set up a date and I'm thinking this is going to be a great add to the list of shady life long activities.
We head into the hotel and everything is going just fine as we are all buzzed. Too good to be true.
Right when clothes are being removed girl number two has a text flash from some other sugar dad and girl number 1 notices. Bad timing. Girl number one realizes girl number 2 "stole" this other guy from her and likely some sort of monthly stipend. The clothes removed turned quickly into hair pulling, cussing and thrown punches (for some reason girls don't throw kicks out there, guys always use your knees and feet if you can). After things get a little bit calmer, one of them locks herself in the bathroom I realize now I'm in quite the predicament.
I have two semi bloodied up half naked gold diggers in my hotel room, this ain't good. Before I let them concoct any sort of plan, I call security to make sure there are video cameras around, luckily there are. I release the bathroom door and they fight more and more, luckily the door is near the exit and they keep yelling at each other in the hallway and fighting until security comes up. Horrible situation averted. Phone numbers removed.
With that said I could do a long analysis on what to do with these gold digger types and what to watch out for. If you believe gold diggers look just like average girls you'd be dead wrong simply check out seekingarrangements and compare that to match. No contest. As a guideline here's the breakdown if you go this route.
1. Never pay for your first interaction if you're going to be a sugar dad, the smart ones know that this isn't how it works
2. Cut off the interaction as soon as she mentions some sort of commitment
3. Avoid playing this game in the city you live in
4. Never reveal your real name or address come up with a pseudonym
For a detailed guide that will come in the future.
With that said it's usually not smart to go this route in general so avoid if possible, if you're getting killed by work trying to get that promotion and are in a steep dry spell... Well... That's your call.
It has been my experience girls will look into your wallet when you least expect it. How can you then "not reveal your name, address", etc.
Dating involves sharing address information almost always.
A gold digger doesn't have a stamp written over her face. Of course, you are less likely to meet a golddigger in the school library than at a nightclub or a dermatologist office.
You want a winning "edge" with women ? Start by assuming they all are diggers- based on good looks-. As a rule of thumb, the more attractive the woman, the likelihood you are dealing with a digger goes up exponentially. When you ask her what does she do, if she says she is a "model", alarms should go off.
You can circumvent the address. You basically only go for them when you're traveling and only pay for things in cash.
Then you get a place booked via a different name and it's all done. You won't be getting ID'd at upscale spots with salt + pepper hair so no need to carry one.
Agree with all the other points my man +1 from me.
The money I've spent on women is only surpassed by the money I've spent drinking. Good post :)
Never give your full name or the firm you work for. Never let them stay over 2 nights in a row in your bed and be forced to cuddle, even if it leads to amazing morning sex. Never delve into her past or ask questions about why she did "X", keep the conversation on the surface. Do call her dirty names when you are nailing her.
Anytime you give a hoe/gold-digger too much attention or something close to a intimacy she will see as a long-term con and start reeling you in. Which as mentioned at that point you should cut things off and be like "I am too busy etc sorry".
Also the "pregnancy scares, lies" etc are the worst, don't even fall for her shit stay firm from the beginning.
That's my dawg right there bro!
Don't be catching a kid.
Seekingarrange-onomics is for a future article.
Good post -and comments, indeed.
Yap, that's the worst that can happen -"catching a kid"- 'cause you can't get out of that.
A word of caution: if you're a "playboy" or live that lifestyle, you're bound to bump into diggers. You really need to be skilled not to fall prey. Let's not confuse "playboys" with gigolos. Gigolos are a different kind of animal, they turn the tables on women and use them instead.
Gold-diggers have a lifespan that goes in stages. As they get older, into their 30s, most try to find a husband with money and morph into "soccer moms", suburban wives.
ah, if I only had the talent to be a gigolo
Use double condoms.
Unsafe, the chafing and friction makes it worse
This rambling string of anecdotes read worse than a Chelsea Lately novel. If you're going to try to project this "finance douche" persona, you should at least make an attempt to be good at it. Perhaps you should look at some of bankerella's posts... Top notch douche factor...
Is it perfect? Of course not, but first drafts rarely are. Okay this is what I would do, I would take this draft and I would put it in a drawer. It doesn't have to be a real drawer, it could be a virtual drawer... And then go out tonight and celebrate it's birth... Hoist an alcoholic beverage (or two), I will join you... And then in the morning you shut that drawer and you forget about it... Then you start on the next one...
...come to think of it, how is it that someone who is supposedly an Ivy League educated Managing Director... A top 3 Institutional Investor Ranked Analyst, to be more accurate, has such a difficult time constructing something that could even loosely be considered a well structured narrative. You write Equity Research reports for a living? I must admit that I am a tad bit skeptical regarding your purported background...
I don't even have an issue with the cynicism toward gold diggers, as I find them to be completely tacky and likewise, repulsive. And yet the execution in this piece is just sloppy and devoid of any amusing description. Adjectives are your friends...Ultimately, the stories come across as trite and unbelievable (from a female perspective your clumsily worded diatribes hardly lead me to believe that you could intrigue even a gold digger to spend significant enough time with you to lose her clothes. At a certain point, even Von Furstenberg wrap dresses and Minolos aren't worth the capitulation of those shreds of dignity.Though, admittedly, the response of shattered windows does seem somewhat plausible, given that anyone subjected to such uninspired conversation would likely be looking for any viable means of escape.
Oh well... I guess "Everyone's a Fucking Critic," amirite?
K.
I am looking forward to Part 2 / the series. May I suggest you place this in the Monkey around forums, not new user intros.
@Louboutins: Doesn't every girl want those $1,075 satin shoes ? You can write on "What a girl wants" and leave us perplexed.
Mny Thx.
xoxo
My ex-girlfriend once started crying when i told her I wasn't going to pay to take her on dates anymore. She cried for a bit but then learned her place, you gotta let them know whatsup early on. I don't spend money on girls I date.
I've wondered at times about my girlfriend...but have realized she is just bad with money.
She actually tries to save, but hasn't quite gotten that a $300 dress discounted 50% is still about $100 more than it's worth. Will eat out more often than not, has her laundry done for her, etc. She comes from a fairly well off family, so I can't be too hard on her. She always volunteers to split the bill.
I guess you have to give her credit for the effort... I work in finance and still do all those things... But paying to have laundry done is a lifestyle hack for me...
Gold digger stories? (Originally Posted: 03/20/2015)
Give me your best gold digger stories.
Ashton Kutcher --> Demi Moore ?
In 1852 a chunk of gold weighing 45 pounds and worth $8,000 was found near Sonora, Tuolumne county, California. The finder had a friend, relates S. M. Frazier in Mining Reporter of Denver, who was far gone in consumption, but who was still trying to work in the mines. The owner of the nugget saw that the man was fast killing himself. At that time such a mass of gold was a curiosity which people would flock to see, and he arranged with his sick friend, who was well educated, to take the nugget to the States for exhibition purposes. Besides the mass of solid gold, he took some fine dust, chispas, gold bearing quartz, black sand, gravel and auriferous dirt from the placer, and delivered lectures on mining operations in California. The agreement between them was that whenever the owner wanted the nugget or its value he was to let his friend know of his need. For a time the miner heard from his friend regularly, then all at once lost track of him. He began after months to think his nugget lost that his friend had been murdered and robbed in some out-of-the-way place. One day, however, a letter reached the miner from a banker in New Orleans, telling him that his friend had died in that city, but had left the big nugget at the bank subject to his order. The miner wrote to have the nugget melted down, and in due time he received a check from the bank for a little over $8,000.
Some years ago a man was literally "kicked" into a fortune. Louis Roderigo was discharged by the superintendent of the Mistle Shaft Mine. Every day for weeks he hung around the mine imploring to be taken back. Finally he was kicked off the grounds. He procured a pick and shovel and grub enough to last him for a week or two, and started off prospecting in Bear Creek on the Pine Ridge, some 75 miles northeast of Fresno. Three weeks later he returned with $9,000 in gold dust, which was panned out in less than a fortnight's actual work.
Among the mining exhibits in the mining department at the World's Fair at Chicago was a nugget of pure gold, found in Alpine county by a young woman. The history of the discovery of this chunk is cherished by every woman in the gold mining regions in California. Harry E. Ellis and his wife went to the State in 1874 from Philadelphia because of Ellis' serious lung trouble. They went to live up in the mountains of Alpine county, miles from any neighbor. They got their livelihood by hunting and cultivating a few acres of land about their lonely cabin. Grizzled old gold miners with their jackasses laden with grimy camp outfits and blankets, came by the Ellis cabin frequently. One of the men lay ill there for several weeks, while he was nursed to health and vigor by the Ellises. The miner told them how they might find recreation and profit in hunting through the canyons and foothills in that region for "pay dirt” and showed them where he believed there were indications of gold-bearing gravel. For days at a time the young husband and wife tramped up and down the gulches in Alpine county, looking for specks of gold, but all without avail. They abandoned seeking riches in the placers, and confined their attention to their little ranch. One afternoon as Mrs. Ellis was driving home the family cow she was seeking stones to throw for the amusement of the dog. She saw in the coarse gravel a dark, dull yellow stone and picked it up. "I knew from the moment I picked it up," says she, "that I had found gold, because it was so heavy, but as I had never seen a real nugget I was afraid my husband would laugh at me." The nugget has never been melted down for its gold, and is still kept for exhibition purposes. It is phenomenally free from any foreign matter and the size of a croquet ball, but very rough and battered by rolling and tumbling in water for ages. Mrs. Ellis got $2,250 for this find. Such is life and luck among the gold hunters of the world.
^This.
"How can it be hard to tell if she is a gold digger, ether she digs for gold or she dosn't. Dose she carry a pick ax, are her boots muddy, when she comes home from work does she say though day at the mine." - Fez from That 70's Show
Now I ain't sayin she a gold digger BUT (Originally Posted: 04/10/2015)
...92% of women are. You guys, be careful. My friend just convinced this dude that she "like, can barely even stand" to fucking sign her half of a lease because she just haaaas to live on her faaaavorite street in the West Village but doesn't make 45x the rent. At first, I couldn't help but laugh at how this socially awkward mouth breather had been suckered into acting like a total boner, but then I realized that 92% of the users on this site are, in fact, BB mouth breathers in waiting. Call me cray cray, but I feel some sort of motherly obligation to warn you aspiring analysts of the perils that await once you step onto basic betch turf. So here goes.
In the same manner that a predator can sniff out fear, a "20-something young professional" (aka a 27-year-old receptionist who wears J.Crew to work) can sense the presence of strong financial health within a 20 yard radius. It may start with a fancy dinner here, or an $18 cocktail there, but indulging her will soon result in her demanding all sorts of crap -- presents, Ubers, bar tabs, and, apparently, lease agreements.
So don't rip open your wallets too loudly -- the sound of Velcro may attract attention that you don't actually want. Don't go around bragging about your $85k base salaries or you'll have to fight the ladies off like you're walking through a Walking Dead scene in slow motion. And watch where you maneuver your Big Swingin' Dingalingadingdongs before some Parsons grad latches on for dear life because she sure as hell won't be letting go until she bleeds you dry
That's why I make my girls tattoo my name on the back of their neck. Then I beat the shit out of them until they accept to work as escorts for me. BB bonuses aren't increasing fast enough, so I have to take matter into my own hands.
wow.. that escalated quickly...
I laughed irl
Who has a velcro wallet past middle school?
Isn't the requirement 40X?
'Agree with the overall sentiment of the post though..
Hey buddy, I wear J.Crew to work some days.
Definitely agree. Wait until you're at least a Director/MD level guy in your later 30's/40's before you get into the gold digger trap. When you're a BSD and want to trade in wife #1 for a chick who's 15-20 years your junior you can afford not only Uber, but a full time car and driver for her. Personally I reserve Uber for my 2nd/3rd string mistresses but I could probably just as easily throw those cum dumpsters into a yellow cab.
Kidding above. I am surprised how many women in their 20's think that because the guy's a young banker he can swing all sorts of money. $85k+ bonus is good, but Manhattan's expensive as shit. But as the wise George Best said, "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
Oh the great and controversial George Best, "If you'd given me the choice of going out and beating four men and smashing a goal in from thirty yards against Liverpool or going to bed with Miss World, it would have been a difficult choice. Luckily, I had both.", top lad
92% of women are gold diggers just like 92% of guys are poosy diggers. The exchange between the two is what the kids call "dating"
What are saying, that women [in whatever percentage, i.e. 92%] are looking for unattractive partners ? Why all this blame that guys are after physically fit women ?
Humorous. +1.
much respect at OP if she's female ...its sad when women think that men ARE their jobs
Maybe guys are going after the basic b*tches and not the Amal Clooney's of the world.... Not all girls are gold diggers, some want guys that are on their level too.
Amal Clooney looks like a man with a wig...that square jaw line is so handsome
Yea, we get it. You're not obligated to defend womankind and point out that some of us aren't professional hair twirlers. But the sad fact of the matter is that most girls are better off simply floating down the swirly twirly bubblegum-scented river of evolution by seeking out Ball€r$ -- they simply would not survive otherwise. Embrace it. Accept it. The world will offend less that way.
And Amal Clooney is just some lawyer chick who went to NYU. Hollywood is only AMAZED and ToTaLLy ShOckEd!!!!! because she, an educated, literate, dark-haired human being, infiltrated their bubble and somehow managed to not self-implode / morph into a Real Housewife. George Clooney is just a middle-aged "reformed playboy" who is being exalted for convincing a woman who uses multisyllabic words to marry him. He is basically a richer, better looking, and less Jewish version of that cackling BSD MD you had as an analyst who made all the kids go out drinking until 3 AM and made misogynistic comments about all of the socially awkward interns in poorly fitting skirt suits and any and all female waitstaff you encountered on your outings.
Men want hot girls. Period. So be hot. That's really great if your knowledge of exotic derivatives surpasses that of the next girl, but NO ONE CARES. Be a moron for all anyone cares, but be QT and fit and you're gold. Maybe you can even find someone to foot all sorts of burdensome contractual agreements for you... Yay!
Amal Clooney also married George Clooney. The best way to put it is looks for men are the same as money to women. What weight you put on that criteria varies.
Yeah and Amal has brains and money too... She's basically the whole package (Money, looks, brains). I think guys put too much emphasis on money. You'd be surprised the amount of girls I know that date guys "below" them.
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