What up wall street? My friend just got 2 offers. First one is as an analyst at UBS in IBD. I know I know. This job is like being Black Widow from The Avengers instead of a real super hero like The Hulk. It would suck.
When he told me this I shook him hard as I could. "Are you crazy man!?" I asked. "Do they even still have an investment bank?" Probably not. His gf told him shell never talk to him again if he wants to work for the special Olympics of the investment banks. His parents said not to show up to the family reunion unless he gets a better job.
Second option is at the University of Florida nursing program. This program sounds pretty elite. Unlike the first offer it makes a lot of sense to me. If my friend goes here, he will have plenty of exit opps, chicks will date him, he won't have to lie to his parents about what he does for a job, etc.
Comments/thoughts? I don't think we need to debate UBS much but if you could help with pros/cons of the second option that'd be great. Thanks guys.
You suck
I would pay for your tuition to the Troll Academy, but you would flunk the fuck out.
The ex Bear Stearns guy bashes UBS. Am I the only one who sees the irony in this?
Black Widow single-handedly ended the invasion by closing the tesseract portal.
doubt she went to fucking nursing school
+1 SB
a dude at nursing school? OOOOOOOKKKKKAAAAAAAYYYYY
the quality of the trolling here is slipping
So you have downs syndrome and have just discovered the leveraged sellout?
The girl wants you to go the Nursing Program. What's new?
wow this makes no sense
Slap yourself.
Dude there's no way you can get into UF's Nursing school as a non-target. Might as well kill yourself.
I guess OP wasn't hired by UBS
Haha OP biggest loser ever. Did UBS ding you ??
No they didn't ding me. I wouldn't make my maid work at UBS.
Why do you guys have such a boner for UBS?
No one has a boner for UBS, you're just a douche and it's obvious with your post.
Go Gators :)
OP probably didn't get into the pre-crisis UBS and now works at a place that he considers better than the post-crisis UBS. If you're so good, how come you didn't get into UBS during the 06-07 period and instead went to the now bankrupt Bear Stearns? Because you weren't good enough.
And now you think you can take advantage of the weakened UBS by making posts on internet forums, thinking that making such posts will make you feel better about yourself and cure the insecurity bruise UBS bankers left there 5-6 years ago, thinking each thread you make will make you a bit more secure about yourself, that maybe one day you will actually be able to live with confidence. Unfortunately OP, UBS bankers are forever superior to you and you'll forever live in their shadow. Here's why:
The only reason UBS is weakened right now is because of one-time accidents, kind of like what bankers call "one-time charges" or "non-recurring expenses" on the financial statements. First it lost Moelis due to internal conflict, which gave a huge blow to the IBD. Then, it lost more money than most other BBs in the financial crisis, which limited its bonus pool. As its bonus pool got smaller, MDs left. Just as it was on its way on to recovery, London suffered another $2B loss due to rogue trading, which further weakened its ability to pay the senior guys at the bank. However, the UBS name still commands respect. It may no longer be the heavy hitter and feeder into PE megafunds and elite HFs like it once was, but most PE/HF shops still give it more respect than most other banks out there. Clients still have confidence in the firm and hire UBS as lead adviser on many deals. Just like the many mediocre investors out there who divest stocks based off of one-time charges but only to find the companies return as a superstar, you think you have UBS down on its knees forever. Unfortunately for you, UBS, like Citi, will revive and return as one of the biggest players in a couple of years. Now what are you gonna do with your insecurity? You'll be back in bed crying to yourself, hoping the people around give you a little more attention.
OP, I recommend you to see a therapist. It will let you live a better life so people don't pity you.
I seriously hope this guy is joking
He's not joking, he's spot on!
This gave me chuckle.
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