What happens when life happens?

pacman007:

There are some situation where you have to draw a line. If you're missing your brothers wedding or bachelor party because you have a deadline at work then you're pretty fucked up. At that point...fuck work.

rickyross:

If you're in a situation where your staffer or senior bankers are telling you that you can't attend a sibling's wedding or a funeral, you need to quit.

Point being, you should probably be fine. Give sufficient notice and there shouldn't be an issue.

best of luck being jewish and giving advance notice of a funeral. :)

TeddyTheBear:

If someone in your family dies, my bank essentially gives you as much time as you need, as long as you don't abuse it. One of our associates in the D.C office lost a family member and took 1.5 months off. Nobody said anything and he worked from home and responded to emails fast. He could have taken another month off honestly. If any firm or bank denied you this right, then it's time to leave. Money is not as important as family and friends.

where the hell do you work?

futurectdoc:

What about major holidays can you get off for Rosh HaShanah or Yom Kippur?

I work at a bank but I have not yet seen how situations like this are handled. I've seen it happen in my previous job though, I was in an industry with an equally aggressive/competitive environment as banking.

In my opinion, it depends on how much you value time with your mom vs. your career. If you don't tell your group about the seriousness of the problem, then be prepared for colleagues to be unhappy when you take off without prior notice. what happens if you need to take off on a weekday evening when a presentation is due tomorrow morning? Given your mom's illness, it's not like she will only need to see you during weekends when the coast is clear in the office.

I would just communicate it with the group. I know I will be very sore if I have to miss time with my sick mom because of work, but it depends on where your priorities lie.

Here is my advice, for what it's worth:

Talk with your mother and your family about the situation, think hard about what you should do and make some decisions

Go talk to the director of your analyst program and explain the situation. Convey your views on what the best thing is for you and your family. Ask for help on how to approach the bankers you work with, and what the firm's perspective is in terms of options. Then talk to bankers you work with as necessary/in line with the guidance you receive.

Most of all, do what's right for you and your family. Nothing is more important than that.

best of luck, and my sympathy for your difficult situation

Are you even kidding me? Your mom may have at most six months to live and you are worried about how it will affect your career? You're concerned about not getting staffed on large projects if you go home on weekends to see your mother?!?! You really need to get your priorities in order.

If I were in your situation, I would immediately explain the situation to superiors. I'd play it by ear, and if seems that her condition worsens, I'd request some sort of leave of absence, and spend every minute that I could with my mom. You have 40+ years to advance your career.

You should definitely let your group know - given that they have been considerate thus far, the additional context will only make them more understanding. If you end up with sub-optimal staffing then so be it - this won't hurt your long-term career prospects in any way, shape or form. Part of walking through a resume during job and / or bschool interviews is to provide additional context for a given candidate, and almost anyone (and certainly everyone that you'd actually want to work for / with) will understand your predicament and respect the choices you made.

Honestly not sure how that will work or if it will work because I have not seen this specific situation at my bank before...

Bottom line is you have the rest of your life to "advance your career" but you only have 1 mother. Taking 6 months off because the person closest to you is dying is... well, I think if you DIDN'T do that people would really question you.

I would be upfront with everyone and tell them now. If they decide to be unreasonable and not let you do this, you probably don't want to work there anyway.

My condolences, I know how difficult that is because I have had similar situations with family members (this was in my pre-banking life....).

Listen, you're a first year, and chances are it'll be relatively easy to procure a 3rd year offer. If you need to delay your buyside recruiting one more year, that's not the end of the world. I would tell the MD's and D's you work with, your staffer, and your group head, but no need to announce to the world about your situation, it's obviously your private affair and you can pick and choose who to tell - but the senior guys do need to know to the full extent.

Go be with your mom, hopefully she pulls through. Don't do something you'll regret for the rest of your life for something as meaningless as a banking job. People will understand, most bankers still have some soul left, anyways.

Check out the following website regarding the Family Leave Act.

http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/

Can't give much in the way of advice, but I hope everything works out for you.. God bless..

Awful situation...I think there is some very good advice above...definitely spend whatever time you can with your family...best of luck

Just try and think what you will regret more 10 years down the line. Spending an extra year to get into buyside/MBA or not spending enough time with your mom. I hope things turn out well and she lives longer than what the docs think, but try and keep some perspective.

You are good enough to get into a BB anyway, so I don't see you having a problem in getting another offer even if u have to quit (worst case scenario). Don't waste the next six months of your life in the hope that you are advancing you career. 6 months matters little in a 30-40 year long career. Good luck

Tell your group. You're going to have assholes though for sure. My friend who interned at Citigroup got crapped on when she didn't come in for a day and left early the next couple of days to be with family. The associate she worked with was a real jerk and recommended she not be given an offer. Something like this is definiley going to come up... but this is your fking mother!

one of the analysts i worked with had a similiar situation, although I dont think the illness was as dire but it was cancer nonetheless. he wound up telling the group and was able to leave for the weekends but he abused this a bit much and wound up building up a lot of resentment in the group. in any case, my personal two cents is for you to take a leave of absence for 6 months. most banks will understand. if anything you can take the rest of the year off and restart as 1st year 1 year from now. Yeah, your a year behind but does it matter i the long run? no.

I def agree with randomguy. Will you regret taking time off to spend with your mom? no. will you regret working and missing out on what could be the last chance to spend with your mom?

ask them that if you can take leave of abscense and may be start later this year. As you know we are getting a recession soon. They would rather have you back again rather hiring some one who needs to learn all over again.. But PLEASE .. Your MOM comes first than the damn pitch book or stupid Excel Model.. which you can be made over and over again.. But you cant have this moment with ur mom again... I really hope things work out for you and the situation with ur mom gets much better and she lives much much longer.. !

Best Wishes,

Searching

You should really look at yourself in the mirror and think what you have become. I don't know your financial situation but i would suggest you take the whole time off to be with your mom. ELSE YOU WILL NE KICKING YOURSELF YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE FOR WHAT YOU DID OR DIDN'T DO. The joy of being an MD will not matter that much. The pain will kill you on the inside. I know one guy who ended up staying away and now there is little in his life that can bring him joy. Please don't make the same mistake. Additionally most banks would be willing to take you in next year, even if your current bunch is not going to. And in the big scheme of things half year in a career is really nothing.

Be honest with your group leaders. In my experience (only 1 1/2 yrs, granted), the douchebaggery ends with senior associates. They grow up at the VP level, and I'm sure they understand that your mother's life matters to you.

A few other posters have mentioned this: you will likely end up regretting any decision which places a first year analyst job (which you will be frustrated about by your second / third year anyway) above your family. Believe me, whatever bonus you receive as a first year will not even begin to compensate you for missing out the last few months of your mother's life. Hell, the bonus won't even cover the therapy for the guilt and resentment you are likely to feel.

Your family should take priority. Any firm and recruiter will understand.

Dude, of course, tell them and go spend some time with your mother, or you will probably regret it later on...One year on even two years in your career is not that much regarding the situation. Best wishes

Dude -

I am very sorry for your situation, but step back for a second and think: this is your MOTHER, she gave life to you, she brought you up, she spent a good portion of her life making sure you grow up in a safe environment and get a good education. I can't even describe in words how much more this should matter to you than ANY job you may have, let alone the job of being an Excel monkey. As another poster said, if you don't take the time to see your mother during this time of crisis, later on the pain will kill you on the inside. If your bank doesn't understand this, then f*** the bank and go somewhere else. But I agree with most people here that MDs will most likely understand your situation.

All the best!

think you will be surprised how understanding people will be towards you. I have seen a similar situation and the person was given two weeks off to go home.

This should be an absolute no brainer.

I know a few analysts in S&T that took a personal leave of absence for family matters and their jobs were secure and waiting for them to return....You need to do what's right for you and your family. Most BB's understand that family comes first. I would talk to someone in HR first and then go talk to your MD.

I hope everything works out and stay positive.

Wow? instead of thinking of your career you should be doing this

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119759308934528357.html?mod=hpp_us_insi…

I guess to answer your question about how this will affect your career; I would personally question your humanity if you did not take that time off while your mother was in her last days. As much as it is important to hire bright, motivated, and hardworking - it is equally important to hire someone who you believe is a "decent human being".

my 2 cents

Go see your mom. You owe her that commitment.

heard of a similar situation at a BB. the first year went to the staffer and told him the situation. i'm not sure what went on in the background, but probably entailed looking at his mid-year review and talking with people he'd worked with. he'd been a strong performer and they had already been allocated analysts. they allowed him to take an unpaid leave of absence for about 4 months. (his family member made a full recovery) when he came back he got back to work and they did make him whole with his bonus.

i'm not sure if that is helpful, but you have a complicated situation here.

my advice would be to decide to go 100% either way, meaning, i'm going to take time off from work entirely or i'm going to keep working and see my mom, as much as possible. trying to wind a formal middleground - like leaving each weekend - will not work and leave neither party happy. if it were me (knock on wood), i would be open with the staffer and the group head and shoot for one of two outcomes - A) leaving my analyst program for the year with a written letter saying i could rejoin the group with next year's class or B) continue working, but with the staffer placing you on teams with people who are more flexible in their working styles, eg delegation and carving up work streams. this would allow you to head to Boston as frequently as your work permits. lastly, if option B is available i would casually make your staffer aware that you will be working on your teams out of the office depending on her situation and also let your friends know what the situation is and that they shouldn't spread it, but if it is becoming an issue for anyone, that they should look out for your rep.

sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation and i wish your mother the best of luck.

Go 100% and see your mom. As a poster above stated, you have forever to become wealthy and successful, you may only have 6 months with your mom.

How would you feel if one day you got cancer and you found out that your kid is actually deciding between delaying his career for 6 month or spending that time with you.

A little offtopic but here's a question for you: If (a) you were given the choice of say your mother living a health life for another 20 years on the condition that you will have to work at mcdonalds during that time. Or (b) your mother dies next month but you will be assured of making partner at KKR in 5 years. Which one would you choose?

id feel terrible because my son has forever to get his career in order. he has a limited amt. of time with me.

in your group and then take as much timed as needed. I am pretty sure that the other people in your group will be more than willing to step up and take on extra work so that you can go home.

I'm a college student, so take it for what it's worth. Maybe ask your mom. Does she want you to put your career on hold for her? The decent human in you would probably say yes, I'll put my career on hold for my mother, but deep down, she might want you to not let her hold your career back. Of course she probably won't tell you this because it'll probably kill her inside to say something like that, and you might want to be with her anyway, because you're a decent person and it's your MOM of all people, but yeah ask for her opinion too.

By the way, I wish you and her luck and for her full recovery.

"We are lawyers! We sue people! Occasionally, we get aggressive and garnish wages, but WE DO NOT ABDUCT!" -Boston Legal-

To holy monkey: would you ask your mom if you were the OP? I'm sure the mom would be thrilled to know that her son is worried about not losing 6 months of his career for 6 months of her last days: "Mom I want to be with you, but I don't want to miss out on 6 months of my career too, so what do you think I should do? I'm...hmm...maybe willing..to take a bit of time off my career. But you really don't want me to put my career on hold, do you?"

Please, it's only 6 months - it's not 6 years. It doesn't matter one bit in the greater scheme of things where career is concerned. If OP doesn't see the need to take a leave of absence, telling the staffer about it and taking off on weekends would be the minimum that any decent human (excluding lawyers of course) would do.