What is there to life after 30 if you don't want to go the starting a family route.

Guess it is a part of my quarter life crisis even though things have been going a lot better for me in recent months in regards to employment (loving my full-time job!) and financially (pay is decent for someone like me).

I often wonder about my 30s and have this habit of looking ahead to see what can await. One thing I know for certain is that I don't want to go the marriage and starting a family route but I often wonder what the alternative life is like for guys who decide to go the same route as me.

It seems like college and some parts of your 20s are all about the parties, having fun, fitting in, being cool, and what not. Then after some point in the mid 20s, a good number of people get married and start to look towards family life.

This is supposed to be life for like at least 80% of Americans it seems:

High school -> Start to have fun and experiment with new things

College -> Fun is at an all time high as you are surrounded by many others your age and have no parental supervision

20s -> Job, work, start family, have kids, buy house, and "grow up"

30 and onwards -> Adult life has started, you are a dad or mom, and time to invest your life into your kids!

But what awaits for guys who have their lives together but just don't want to be dads or start a family after the age of 30?

Career and loneliness?

Comments (61)

May 27, 2017

.

May 27, 2017

Personally, I'll be fratting hard until the day I die.

Example: https://youtu.be/C-CjjcoTZ20?t=34

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May 27, 2017

@FratLord is that you?

"This world, it is a tempest sometimes. But remember, the sun always rises again."
-- Brandon Sanderson

May 28, 2017

No. Frat Lord was good but I feel like he tried a little bit too hard (satire?).

This is going to be a true frat-tastic account of real life stories.

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May 29, 2017

Looks like he's still here

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May 29, 2017
Frat Star:

fratting hard

Kill yourself

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May 30, 2017

Did Frat Star just bait you into coming back on here from your hiatus?

May 27, 2017

30s is more of the age when you start to have kids. Nothing wrong with being a single 32 y/o guy though, just keep living your life and doing your thing. Chicks dig older guys with money.

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May 28, 2017

I have single friends in their 30's becoming entrepreneurs and starting businesses, both full-time and part-time endeavors. It seems like a good place to devote your energy if you don't have a family.

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May 28, 2017

Once you're financially stable I would think long and hard about a decision not to have kids. It's tough work but extremely fulfilling, plus if you raise them right you have a support system when you're old as dirt.

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May 28, 2017
Big4please:

Once you're financially stable I would think long and hard about a decision not to have kids. It's tough work but extremely fulfilling, plus if you raise them right you have a support system when you're old as dirt.

Having children is something any degenerate can do; becoming one of the few humans who achieves something extraordinary with their lives and, therefore, helps advance all of humanity is a far more valuable and fulfilling devotion of one's life. We do not need more human beings on this planet, and no one except for your parents and religious organisations will care that you had children; however, we do need more -- and better -- scientists/innovators/producers/leaders/ect.

That's not to say both aren't achievable, but every decision carries a cost, and one must be realistic when assessing these decisions.

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May 28, 2017

Smug much?

May 28, 2017

People will call you smug, but you're woke AF. Having kids isn't an accomplishment.

Enjoy your 30s and beyond. And guess what. You're gonna die and if you think someone holding your hand as you become fertilizer will make things better, you're dillusional (not directed towards you).

May 29, 2017

Thanks professor. I look forward to learning about your major contributions to society. Are you going to be on 60 minutes some time soon?

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May 29, 2017

Preach!

May 30, 2017
QGKZ:
Big4please:

Once you're financially stable I would think long and hard about a decision not to have kids. It's tough work but extremely fulfilling, plus if you raise them right you have a support system when you're old as dirt.

Having children is something any degenerate can do; becoming one of the few humans who achieves something extraordinary with their lives and, therefore, helps advance all of humanity is a far more valuable and fulfilling devotion of one's life. We do not need more human beings on this planet, and no one except for your parents and religious organisations will care that you had children; however, we do need more -- and better -- scientists/innovators/producers/leaders/ect.

That's not to say both aren't achievable, but every decision carries a cost, and one must be realistic when assessing these decisions.

I agree that any degenerate can have kids, and many do, but that is where where my agreement stops. Not just anyone makes the sacrifice and effort necessary to raise good, successful children who turn out to be well-adjusted contributors to society.

If you want to dedicate your life to the pursuit of making yourself the best scientist/innovator/producer you can be that's an entirely admirable goal, but it's the easy way out. You only need care for yourself and what you need to do to achieve your own goals, and your influence is limited to what you can personally accomplish with your limited skill set. Unless you have savant-level talent in a particular area, you are most likely not going to be some great world-renown anything no matter how much time you dedicate to your particular vocation. You'll likely achieve some level of middle to upper-middle class status, which really isn't all that bad (despite what WSO monkeys think).

One of the major problems plaguing our society today is the degeneration of the family and the absence of benefits that come with being raised in a stable, 2-parent environment. Being in a 2-parent home is not enough, however. Too many people are caught up so much in themselves that they neglect their marriages and family commitments in pursuit of their own self-centered desires/achievements/accolades. If parents started respecting their own families and put in the effort to love and raise their kids together and put them in positions to excel, we would have far fewer problems to talk about. I made it a point to get educated and get a job where my wife could stay home and run the house and take care of the kids full-time. There's not a better environment for a kid to grow up in than with his own parent who will love, teach, and care for his individual needs while fostering his specific talents.

If you did your job as a parent and provided for your children physically, emotionally, intellectually, and whatever you want to consider spiritually, you'll have achieved much more in the long run for humankind than you could ever hope to achieve by yourself. Your children will grow up and earn an honest living, contribute to society, and raise more kids to do the same. If that's not a foolproof plan to fix a ton of societal problems, I don't know what is.

So while those who have become successful scientists/innovators/producers in whatever profession are definitely deserving of praise, I am congratulating myself for doing the same thing while personally creating 4 or 5 more (and better) scientists/innovators/producers on track to do even better than I have with more startup capital and better financial mobility.

Honestly I don't mind anyone who doesn't want kids, though. If you don't want kids, don't have them, because you will be a terrible parent. If you aren't 100% committed to doing everything necessary before that kid gets here, you are screwing with someone else's life now, not just yours.

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Jul 17, 2017

I'm late to this post but I really want to say that I agree with QGKZ 1,000%. My version is like this, my opinion but I'm ready to get down votes.

You want to do something selfless, having and raising a kid is NOT that. A parent can argue that he or she is giving so much time, money, effort to the child. But at the end of the day, he is YOUR child. You are doing something that will always be your OWN. Is that selfless?

Spending time to innovate the world and move humanity forward so everyone benefits, now that is selfless.

May 28, 2017

30 is still really young... in today's world, you could be young and single well into your forties. It keeps on getting pushed later and later. Read recently that there are more women now having kids in their thirties than in their twenties, so as a man, 30 is pretty damn early to feel like you ~have~ to have kids (even though you totally can if you want to). What makes you feel that pressure?

I'm currently in my early 20s and have a decent number of friends in their late twenties, some of whom are beginning to get married. It's definitely odd and new to me, but while one cohort of my friends enters marriage and starts having kids, I'm sure there will be a good chunk that start that process much later than me.

If anything, I understand how you could feel that way, but ultimately you should and can live how you want to, and we're at a point where if you don't have kids or have kids later than usual, that's pretty typical and no one will hold that against you. And besides, what's the other option? Rushing into marriage? The life-altering consequences of having a child and irreversibly entering a new stage if your life don't outweigh feeling like you're behind the curve.

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May 29, 2017
idaho:

30 is still really young... in today's world, you could be young and single well into your forties. It keeps on getting pushed later and later. Read recently that there are more women now having kids in their thirties than in their twenties, so as a man, 30 is pretty damn early to feel like you ~have~ to have kids (even though you totally can if you want to). What makes you feel that pressure?

I'm currently in my early 20s and have a decent number of friends in their late twenties, some of whom are beginning to get married. It's definitely odd and new to me, but while one cohort of my friends enters marriage and starts having kids, I'm sure there will be a good chunk that start that process much later than me.

If anything, I understand how you could feel that way, but ultimately you should and can live how you want to, and we're at a point where if you don't have kids or have kids later than usual, that's pretty typical and no one will hold that against you. And besides, what's the other option? Rushing into marriage? The life-altering consequences of having a child and irreversibly entering a new stage if your life don't outweigh feeling like you're behind the curve.

With regards to having children, it's important that people (specifically women) remain cognisant of the fact that there are natural, and as of yet, insurmountable limits to having healthy children: Age. Age is the single most important factor affecting a woman's fertility. Women between the ages of 20-25 have the highest probability of giving birth to healthy children; from 30-35, women start seeing gradual but significant declines in the probability of giving birth to healthy children; and once a woman has hit 40, they should think very seriously about the ethics of deciding to have children. This is on the edge of my scientific knowledge now, but If I recall correctly, even IVF -- despite common belief -- does not overcome the issues surrounding age.

TL;DR: People need to decide what they want to do with their lives at some (relatively early) point and commit to it.

EDIT: Of course, men don't have the aforementioned problem, so we have much more flexibility when it comes to these decisions. :)

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May 29, 2017

Yeah, that's why I inserted age, but actually I've read that there are issues with older men having children because when sperm cells divide as well, each successive division results in more mutations and thus higher risk.

But, in general, if you are a man, age isn't really a limitation and there isn't a necessary timeline, per se.

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May 29, 2017

Lol with the level of technology we have today for hormonal treatments/supplements and the way that we have childbirth down to a literal science, (assuming a woman isn't sterile) you can absolutely have healthy children really up to your early 40s. And the technology for conceiving healthy children is only and will only become better over time. Ethically speaking, that argument really only comes into play in your mid 40s, and I'm highly confident that within the next three or so decades, that number will be pushed into late 40s as well, right up until menopause.

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May 29, 2017

There are strong financial costs to having children. My friends who are having "children" in their late 20's/early 30's are feeling the financial strain when only one person is able to work full-time where the other has to commit on raising the kids.

Stress will kill ya.

May 29, 2017

Dude. Get a fucking hobby.

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May 29, 2017

No plans on getting married here. Never say never, though-but I'm certain I haven't the personality or disposition for it. I'm making great money now and have got too much left on the bucket list, so I expect I'll be chasing experiences for the foreseeable future. Hopefully that means more career success, too. Maybe do an international stint, hop into a new industry, whatever.

It's a little weird though now that my ENTIRE local network is married. While I get marriage and why folks do it, I don't "get" marriage. When I'm at barbecues or dinner parties everyone just talks about the latest cute thing their toddler has done, or how much of a PITA that toddler is.

I'm more of a natural loner. I was an only child, I'm not a team player, never had to share, and most of my family is out of the picture. I expect that when I'm too old to keep partying and backpacking, I'll just sugar daddy a few young chicks in developing countries where I could live cheap, and rotate having them take care of me. So attaining more career success and bigger paychecks in the meantime really IS what I get to look forward to, and I do appreciate that element of flexibility that allows me to walk away from jobs I hate, or take bigger risks in pursuing jobs I really want, wherever they are.

May 29, 2017
TheGrind:

No plans on getting married here. Never say never, though-but I'm certain I haven't the personality or disposition for it. I'm making great money now and have got too much left on the bucket list, so I expect I'll be chasing experiences for the foreseeable future. Hopefully that means more career success, too. Maybe do an international stint, hop into a new industry, whatever.

It's a little weird though now that my ENTIRE local network is married. While I get marriage and why folks do it, I don't "get" marriage. When I'm at barbecues or dinner parties everyone just talks about the latest cute thing their toddler has done, or how much of a PITA that toddler is.

I'm more of a natural loner. I was an only child, I'm not a team player, never had to share, and most of my family is out of the picture. I expect that when I'm too old to keep partying and backpacking, I'll just sugar daddy a few young chicks in developing countries where I could live cheap, and rotate having them take care of me. So attaining more career success and bigger paychecks in the meantime really IS what I get to look forward to, and I do appreciate that element of flexibility that allows me to walk away from jobs I hate, or take bigger risks in pursuing jobs I really want, wherever they are.

This guy gets it...

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May 29, 2017

I love this guy

May 30, 2017

As someone who got married and is planning on divorce at the age of 29, I 100% percent agree. I don't think I will ever get married again.

I never wanted kids and my wife is more stressful than my job. I basically feel like I am a single parent and that is when I realized it was over.

I just can't wait to get separated it will be the biggest weight off my shoulders.

May 30, 2017

Are you Russ Hanneman?

May 29, 2017

Just be like donald trump and have kids when you're in your 50s and 60s.

May 30, 2017
BillBelichick37:

Just be like donald trump and have kids when you're in your 50s and 60s.

nonsense, he was 31 with first kid

May 30, 2017

not with his last 2 though

May 29, 2017

Buying cool shit, doing cool shit, and all of the other perks of financial security.

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May 29, 2017

By not having kids you are contributing to the decline of the Western civilization.

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May 29, 2017

Start a heroine addiction and spend your days playing Call of Duty and chasing the next high. Alternatively, you could start a side hustle.

May 29, 2017

I'm confused OP...why do you care what other people are doing? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, genuinely curious

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May 30, 2017

I started another post about the artificiality of marriage.

But basically,
if you're an alpha you'll do a lot of fucking / generally have fun [you're 'better off' single]
if you're a beta, well, you're fucked.

May 30, 2017

I'm not in my 30s so I can't comment from experience, but I've had a few bosses who fit into the category of 30s/40s without families/kids. Assuming you're a male and in a high earning Finance job, you've still got time on your side. I had a former boss who admittedly goofed around for his 20s, got his shit together late 20s, went for an MBA and built from there and in his early 40s he was head of finance for a division at an F500, recently married to a girl 10+ years younger and just cruising in life. Even if you're not ready now, 5 years could go by and that could give you the time you need to want to settle.

If that isn't your path, I'd recommend picking up some hobbies to occupy your time, volunteer or give back occasionally, spend time with your family, see old buddies, travel, and focus on moving up in your career. If you're in your 30s and in finance you should be making at least 6 figures and probably even more. If you only have to spend on yourself that money should go pretty far in terms of allowing you to live a pretty good life. With that, dating should also be pretty easy as you're an appreciating asset.

Eventually, you might find someone you settle down with or maybe you'll just date forever. Don't worry about comparing yourself to others, if you're happy thats all that really matters.

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May 30, 2017

Well spoken. +1 SB

May 30, 2017

Money.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

May 30, 2017

He Man Woman Haters Club up in here... classic.

Also a pretty thorough discussion of spermatogenesis.

May 30, 2017

This thread REALLY took off and I have seen some good responses which I will comment on later this week (hardly get as much time to come on here these days).

I've really missed out on a lot of the partying, fun, drinking, and that sort of life; have a tough time finding a crowd to do that with and as immature as it may sound, I was wondering how tough it is to live that sort of a fun life past the age of 30 or if the age of 30 is kind of the cut off point for that. Would not want to be that creepy older dude at a college party.

Jun 12, 2017

At some point after hitting 30 you will most likely die. So there's that to look forward to.

Jun 12, 2017
Comment

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jun 12, 2017
Comment
Jun 12, 2017
Comment

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/