What's wrong with my cold email?

I'm only getting around a 15% response rate for my emails and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong or if this is expected from cold emails.

Subject Line: XXX university student seeking career information or XXX university student reaching out (for alumni)

Body:
Hello Mr/Ms,

My name is XXX and I am a [grade level] majoring in Finance at the XXX university. I am interested to learn more about investment banking and [Firm Name] in particular. Would you have some time next week for a quick call? I would appreciate the chance to learn about your experiences and any advice you could give me.

Sincerely,
My name

Any critiques are appreciated

Comments (12)

Sep 13, 2018

Hi John-Jacobs1, any of these topics helpful:

  • Check my cold e-mail template for VC/Start-ups Thanks, [My name and surname]---------------------- VC cold e-mail start up ... Hey. I am about to send cold e-mails- mostly to VCs- for an Analyst role. Tell me what do you ... think about my template. Any revisions appreciated.------------------------- Hello [Name], I am writing ...
  • How to Title Cold E-mails / InMails? & Salutations contact after I research them and their firm, but how would you title these e-mails and InMails? Right ... I think that I have the body of my written cold contact down, and I obviously modify it for every ... don't have anything to actually thank them for yet. And using it repeatedly with the same person ...
  • E-mailing Higher Ups about Job Opportunity have to send an email (with your cover letter and resume) to their HR e-mail and then they get back to ... at the company because my company has them in our buyer database. Is it acceptable to e-mail one of ... you. Is there a way to go around this? I have the e-mail to the Managing Director and some higher ups ...
  • Cold e-mail CEO... one wanted to hear me out- I cold e-mail the head of sales in the company. He was impressed with my ... e-mail and told me he would see me to see what i have to say. I gave it 100% but I guess it wasn't ... I have what it takes to succeed here. I want to e-mail him again, but not quiet sure what to say or what ...
  • A different kind of cold e-mail Yes, I realize there are many posts about cold emailing and I think I have the basics down, but ... I applied a couple of weeks ago for a position with a major American company here and got an email back ... responds, turn the conversation towards that specific job... cold email ...
  • Networking e-mail question email E-mail cold email ... several people the same e-mail? What if they are the same firm? Different firm? Is there a good way to ... 5 sentences-be honest with them. So would something like this be ok "My name is XXX XXX and I noticed you ...
  • Alumni Cold e-mail Trying to get a fall IB internship. Here is my Cold E-mail template that I started using today. No ... schedule, but I would sincerely appreciate an opportunity to speak with you for 15 minutes sometime within ...
  • Petty and uninteresting e-mail format question For some firms with [email protected] e-mail addresses. In this case Evercore... What if ... safe....) and I am afraid the e-mail will not get to him. This is the most petty post I've written ... here. Thanks guys. cold email ...
  • More suggestions...

Or maybe the following users have something to say: @masters @Taylor-Coulter @straightnochaser

Hope that helps.

Sep 15, 2018

I would change the subject line to something shorter like "quick talk" or "introduction". However, 15% is a good response rate and the email looks good so just keep going

    • 1
Sep 15, 2018

Alright thank you.

Sep 15, 2018

No matter how good a cold email is its still pretty hard to get even a majority of people to respond to it.

Sep 15, 2018

I get you're going for volume but mention something about that person's career path that would endear them to your own. 100s of these come through every year.

    • 1
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Oct 16, 2018

How would I do that?

Sep 15, 2018

It's short and sweet - which is good. But maybe a sentence or two about how you know them, or any sort of commonality to make them somewhat interested in helping you would be a nice touch

Oct 16, 2018

I don't really have anything in common with the people I am emailing. I had a line about "I found your information through Linkedin" but it seemed a little bit generic and unnecessary. Do you have any suggestions for a sentence to get people a little more interested?

Oct 16, 2018

Literally anything - I noticed the path you've followed resembles the one I plan to take, maybe?

Sep 16, 2018

Add 1-2 lines that are customized to that person. It shows that you're not just copying/pasting the same email to everyone else.

Politely follow up after a week or so because maybe they did see it but forgot to respond. If they still don't reply, move on.

Oct 16, 2018

Do you have an example of a customization? I didn't want to be overly personal or say something that might trip me up so I'm sort of lost as to what I should put.

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Sep 17, 2018
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