Who is Supposed to Buy Coffee on Coffee Chats?

Ok, totally random. I was reading some forum and it says when you ask a person for a coffee chat, YOU are supposed to buy coffee. Now, I just realized that it was the other way around during all of my coffee chats. What is the actual coffee chat etiquette here?

Another trend: I get asked a lot for drinks (beer, or like a bar, not coffee). What is the etiquette here? I try not to drink alcohol these days, so I usually avoid bars (if I have to go, I usually order a tea or smth)..

 

I agree with the top answers above. I asked this question a couple years ago - definitely ask, get turned down, graciously accept it. The only situation in which it might be okay to not offer to pay is if the banker is 20-30+ years your senior. Still probably doesn't matter. I have had many coffee chats while in school and never paid for both of us.

Maximum effort.
 

As far as drinking alcohol goes, try to steer away from bar meetings. If I asked someone to happy hour or drinks, and they showed up and got tea or coffee, I would think they were weird for even accepting a drinks meeting. I have no problem with people that don't drink, but steer away from drinking venues for initial meetings and focus on coffee shops.

I think you underestimate how many people struggle with personal dynamics and interaction. Candidly, I think it is a skill that is on the decline. There are entire highly ranked podcasts nowadays that are built around, "Here's how you talk to people. Here's how you talk to a girl." I think that if you are of a different culture, there can sometimes be some built in awkwardness but outside of that it is startling how many people never learn or are taught basic interaction.

 

I'm intrigued, because honestly, in my previous jobs, when I was meeting people after work from other areas, it would happen organically. But now that there's an actual thread, I'm genuinely intrigued. I'm on board with the comments above, which to me appear more at the undergrad student level. At the MBA level, you've presumably had a job before, i.e., been in a professional environment before. Would you still be expected to not "insist for a 2nd time"? Trying to play out a hypothetical conversation in my head and it's awkward to say the least.

Thoughts?

 

If you ask, always offer. If it's a student, the student should offer at which point the other person will offer to pay because they have a job and know what its like to be a poor college student.

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there" - Will Rogers
 

Assuming this isn't a troll, the longer of the discussion this is the more awkward it gets. Just offer once and if as a manager he says i'll take care of it then let him pay.

A lot of senior managers don't want to seem like cheapskates, especially if it's an intern. It's not necessarily common practice in the industry, but it happens more often than not. This applies to lunch, coffee, dinner, drinks, etc.. you get the point.

 
StJamesPark:

You're lucky to have had a manager interested in building a personal relationship with a lowly intern.

this. the manager knows how much you make and knows how much he makes. he probably remembers what it was like to be a poor college student.

if you really really want to buy it, you know what he drinks. just get there 10 minutes early, pay for yours and his, and have them make his when he arrives.

 

@blackjack21's and @Sil's advice is right.

Whenever I have coffee with someone from work who is lower on the scale then me, I insist on paying. I appreciate the junior offering once to pay, but I'll insist and one offer by them is enough. @Sil's advice on not repeating your protests at subsequent coffees is good advice.

From my perspective, I get paid more, the juniors to more shit work, so I feel some moral obligation to buy the coffee. The junior's are also having to hear me crap on as if I know what I'm talking about too, so deserve some compensation for that.

EDIT: However, where you can show your appreciation and rebalance any moral debt you feel is when it comes to drinks. If it's firm drinks, offer to get them a beer. If it's drinks at a bar, offer to buy them a drink. If others are around, start by asking the manager you feel indebted to, then ask if anyone else wants a drink (ie buy rounds, don't be a selective arsehole in front of others).

That sort of token offer should be well appreciated.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.
 

As above. Also, he may not have mentioned it (and maybe it wasn't true in this case) but if he was "assigned" to you as an internship buddy/manager he may just have had an allowance from the company to spend on you...during my SA my buddy and I would get coffee daily and he would insist on paying every time, when I said I felt bad that he paid every day a few days in he said the bank had given him an allowance to spend on me for coffee/food etc and he wasnt actually paying himself.

 

This is a lot of thought into a coffee. When people want to cover my coffee, I just say thank you or sure thanks. Then I order whatever I was planning to order before they asked me, and I don't change it to a small just because they're offering. I may or may not buy them something later on. Done.

 

They were once interns too and they are probably just paying it forward. Next time there is an opportunity offer to do the same. They won't expect you buying for them as much as they do for you but they will appreciate the gesture.

 

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