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Mod note: Blast from the Past - "Best of Eddie." This one is originally from August 2012.

I get a lot of mail and PMs from you guys, and I know I'm not always as diligent about responding to them as you'd probably like me to be. Just know that if you send me something and I don't respond, it's because you're asking me something about which I have no background and, rather than waste your time with a non-answer, I just trust that you'll seek out a more appropriate source.

However, every so often I get something really off the wall. Now, I expect that because this is the Internet after all, so it's usually no big deal. But the other day I got an email from a WSO user that crossed the line, and I'm going to re-print it here in its entirety so you guys can see a good example of how not to approach a stranger on the Internet. I'm not going to name and shame, because that's really not my style - but you know who you are.

Without further ado:

Hi Eddie

I enjoy your posts very much. I need your advice on something. My friend is a trader at a prop firm in NYC, who is having trouble making his numbers. He has a family and is afraid of losing his job.

I know this sounds nasty, but he has a friend at the SEC who's rogue if you know what I mean. His friend said that if he gets inside info, he would do his best to hide it for him at the SEC (if he doesn't go too far like Raj Raj).

But he doesn't have any sources for getting this info. He doesn't know anyone in banking, and I told him that he isn't going to find someone who would immediately agree to share this kind of info with him. However his time at work is running out and he needs to get this "edge" fast or everything he worked for is in trouble.

How do traders do what he needs to do? What is the way traders used to do this? He wouldn't do this if he wasn't desperate. He's taking the risk that he gets caught and he says he's ok with that if his family has money.

Note that my email address is REDACTED (NOT the one listed at the top) or you could just contact me through this site if you even want to give advice on this kind of thing.

Since I received this email a couple hours after posting my piece on Sergey Aleynikov being arrested again, I even half-suspected that its source might be an overzealous intern at the Manhattan DA's office trying to soft-solicit a felony and not realizing that this would be entrapment. Who knows? Maybe it is. (And in the off chance that it is, here's a nickel's worth of free advice, kid: If Cyrus Vance knew you did something like this, he'd sling your sorry ass so fast it would make your head spin, so quit trying to get cute.)

Far more likely, however, is that it came from one among us: a WSO user who isn't very bright. First of all, cold approaching me about committing a crime is going to piss me off; it speaks to your estimation of my intelligence or of my character, specifically my lack of either or both.

Second, an email like this implicates not only yourself, but your "buddy" (I'll bet he's stoked you're soliciting a felony from a stranger on the Internet on his behalf), and the allegedly bent SEC employee he supposedly has in his pocket. You, sir, are a fucktard.

Now I could use a little help from you guys, so the kid learns a lesson.

What would you say to someone who sent you an email like this out of the blue? What would you do with it (assuming you didn't have access to a 75,000 member forum where you could front-page his dumb ass)? What would you tell this guy so he didn't make the same mistake again?

Consider it a public service.

And keep the emails coming. You know I'll help if I can (and you're not retarded).

2

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Comments (73)

  • RichardPennybags's picture

    Lol, not sure if this is serious:) Maybe he is just trolling?

    If that is not the case - he should look into political careers in Eastern Europe.

    P.S I once posted in some discussion, as a joke obviously, that "I am giving away 3 internships at KKR on a first come first serve basis". Got like 20 inbox messages. Really? Do people not think at all?

    "Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"

  • blastoise's picture

    Eddie Braverman you will always be my Raj Raj you fluffy wuffy Rajie Poo

  • BlackHat's picture

    This puts to shame most, hell - probably all, of the retarded shit I've been PM'd in my short time here...

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • shark-monkey's picture

    Haaa! High School kids keep on doing you!

    Fear is the greatest motivator. Motivation is what it takes to find profit.

  • LetsGoSailing's picture

    I can help this kid and his friend out...I have a close relationship with the Nigerian Prime Minister who is trying to move some money to the US, and needs a couple of sharp guy like these two...

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

  • In reply to BlackHat
    RichardPennybags's picture

    BlackHat:
    This puts to shame most, hell - probably all, of the retarded shit I've been PM'd in my short time here...

    Man, cmon, after a post like this you have to quote some stuff you've received:)

    "Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"

  • damngringo's picture

    When I was reading the title, I was afraid that my msg to Eddie was the dumbest (now looking back at it, it was - thanks for not replying), but this shit just beats it senseless with a 1 ft dildo

  • BlackHat's picture

    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • happypantsmcgee's picture

    This crosses some sort of boundary from Dumbest email to flat out offensive and retarded.

    If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

  • adapt or die's picture

    Mr. Pennybags,

    I would love to be considered for one of your KKR internships. I believe I could be a valuable asset to your team due to my wide knowledge base and experience. Can you please, at your nearest convenience, PM me your email address such that I can send you my cover letter and resume for consideration.

    Regards,

    Phong Chiang Wu

  • In reply to BlackHat
    Febreeze's picture

    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    LOL

    that was epic +1

  • In reply to BlackHat
    Virginia Tech 4ever's picture

    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    This can't be serious...This CANNOT be serious...Are you f*cking serious? A guy cold emails/PMs you and tells you that you are going to be his mentor, sets out guidelines for when he can meet and how you should re-schedule when you can't meet, and then proceeds to issue orders.

    I'm not sure which one of these is dumber--the felon or the guy with aspergers.

  • In reply to BlackHat
    Bobb's picture

    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    dude, congrats! He chose you...you should feel honored to be his mentor!

  • In reply to Virginia Tech 4ever
    BlackHat's picture

    Virginia Tech 4ever:

    This can't be serious...This CANNOT be serious...Are you f*cking serious? A guy cold emails/PMs you and tells you that you are going to be his mentor, sets out guidelines for when he can meet and how you should re-schedule when you can't meet, and then proceeds to issue orders.

    I'm not sure which one of these is dumber--the felon or the guy with aspergers.

    It's like I was the chosen one lmao... I should have been honored and privileged to be HIS mentor, I honestly can't believe I passed up such a fantastic opportunity, and I can only imagine he got in touch with Charlie or Warren who graciously accepted his request/demand and are treating him to a steak dinner at Smith & Wolly's at least bi-weekly.

    Odds on this kid being mainland China born... 1/1.

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • In reply to BlackHat
    Febreeze's picture

    BlackHat:
    Virginia Tech 4ever:

    This can't be serious...This CANNOT be serious...Are you f*cking serious? A guy cold emails/PMs you and tells you that you are going to be his mentor, sets out guidelines for when he can meet and how you should re-schedule when you can't meet, and then proceeds to issue orders.

    I'm not sure which one of these is dumber--the felon or the guy with aspergers.

    It's like I was the chosen one lmao... I should have been honored and privileged to be HIS mentor, I honestly can't believe I passed up such a fantastic opportunity, and I can only imagine he got in touch with Charlie or Warren who graciously accepted his request/demand and are treating him to a steak dinner at Smith & Wolly's at least bi-weekly.

    Odds on this kid being mainland China born... 1/1.

    i dont know about bi-weekly, sounded like a pretty busy person...

  • In reply to Virginia Tech 4ever
    ladubs111's picture

    Virginia Tech 4ever:
    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    This can't be serious...This CANNOT be serious...Are you f*cking serious? A guy cold emails/PMs you and tells you that you are going to be his mentor, sets out guidelines for when he can meet and how you should re-schedule when you can't meet, and then proceeds to issue orders.

    I'm not sure which one of these is dumber--the felon or the guy with aspergers.

    Blackhats and Eddies is really a coin flip. Can't decide which is worse.

  • SonnyZH's picture

    BlackHat's PM ftw.

    Eddie's sounds like a really bad troll.

    The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males.
  • eignenvector's picture

    I would tell him Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel.

    "When you expect things to happen - strangely enough - they do happen."
    - JP Morgan

  • In reply to SonnyZH
    Febreeze's picture

    SonnyZH:
    BlackHat's PM ftw.

    Eddie's sounds like a really bad troll.

    lol bh just stole his thunder

  • Neighbor's picture

    BlackHat, I'm excited to inform you that you have been accepted to be my mentor as well. We will meet daily from noon-4pm over steaks/drinks (you will buy, of course) and you will share with me all of your latest investment information. Please avoid rescheduling as I don't feel like changing my schedule. I also expect you to get me a job at your firm within 30 days of our first meeting. Please prepare your schedule accordingly.

    Love,
    Neighbor

    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  • In reply to Febreeze
    BlackHat's picture

    Febreeze:
    SonnyZH:
    BlackHat's PM ftw.

    Eddie's sounds like a really bad troll.

    lol bh just stole his thunder

    Apologies for the total threadjack, I should have seen that coming when busting out the PM from Shanghai's favorite son

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • In reply to BlackHat
    SonnyZH's picture

    BlackHat:
    I should have seen that coming when busting out the PM from Shanghai's favorite son

    http://mlkshk.com/r/I7OO

    The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males.
  • Disincentivy's picture

    Eddie,

    Please send me this guy's info. I promise to do stuff.

    I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.

    See my WSO blog posts

  • Abdel's picture

    ha, for a second I thought that Eddie was going to put me on blast, haha.

    well, just put his name out Eddie. If it's dangerous to screw around with Goldman, it should be the same for WSO.

    We want his name.

  • happypantsmcgee's picture

    I've gotten something like "Firm Name" - What are you going to ask me in my interview. Thanks

    That said, BlackHat's is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read.

    If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

  • In reply to BlackHat
    Edmundo Braverman's picture

    BlackHat:
    Febreeze:
    SonnyZH:
    BlackHat's PM ftw.

    Eddie's sounds like a really bad troll.

    lol bh just stole his thunder

    Apologies for the total threadjack, I should have seen that coming when busting out the PM from Shanghai's favorite son

    Haha. No sweat, bro. I actually got a good laugh out of yours, whereas mine just pissed me off.

  • sanjose04's picture

    LMAO!
    Can't be serious. It's either a joke or they are completely retarded..

  • In reply to SonnyZH
    BlackHat's picture

    SonnyZH:
    BlackHat:
    I should have seen that coming when busting out the PM from Shanghai's favorite son

    http://mlkshk.com/r/I7OO[/quote]

    I just put this on the projector and left it up there for everyone to look at as they walk by the conference room. It's still playing.

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • In reply to BlackHat
    GS's picture

    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    Sorry , I forgot to add. Drinks will obvs be on you - as I don't have any money

  • In reply to eignenvector
    Going Concern's picture

    eignenvector:
    I would tell him Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel.

    My mail is the same color as yours, pal. Or at least it was until the Queen started calling you Sir.

  • In reply to BlackHat
    Ron Paul's picture

    BlackHat:
    This puts to shame most, hell - probably all, of the retarded shit I've been PM'd in my short time here...

    that hurts my feelings why r u so mean
  • BTbanker's picture

    Will you at least call me before Easter?

  • In reply to Neighbor
    tiger2012's picture

    Neighbor:
    BlackHat, I'm excited to inform you that you have been accepted to be my mentor as well. We will meet daily from noon-4pm over steaks/drinks (you will buy, of course) and you will share with me all of your latest investment information. Please avoid rescheduling as I don't feel like changing my schedule. I also expect you to get me a job at your firm within 30 days of our first meeting. Please prepare your schedule accordingly.

    Love,
    Neighbor

    But if you take the job how are you going to front-run BH trades from the 21 Club on your DynaTac?

    -Did I just give BH Sir James Goldsmith status?

  • WSOusername's picture

    I don't know how long I've even been on this damn thing, but I do know that I've only sent 2 PMs and they were both asking ppl if they still had a coupon for a class I was about to sign up for, lol. I literally can't imagine wtf these ppl send you guys on a regular basis that is so "secretive" that they can't just post it on a damn thread. Btw, I bet Eddie's was some 19 y.o. (I'll be sensitive and not include race) kid who just opened his first E-trade account and recently watched Wall Street. BH, if that was for real, it shows very good viral potential imo. "I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure". lmao, you seriously can't make that shit up

    GBS

  • In reply to WSOusername
    WallStreetOasis.com's picture

    GoldmanBallSachs:
    I don't know how long I've even been on this damn thing, but I do know that I've only sent 2 PMs and they were both asking ppl if they still had a coupon for a class I was about to sign up for, lol. I literally can't imagine wtf these ppl send you guys on a regular basis that is so "secretive" that they can't just post it on a damn thread. Btw, I bet Eddie's was some 19 y.o. (I'll be sensitive and not include race) kid who just opened his first E-trade account and recently watched Wall Street. BH, if that was for real, it shows very good viral potential imo. "I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure". lmao, you seriously can't make that shit up

    agree with GBS - Blackhat's PM shoudl be a blog post from you BH: "How NOT to Get a Mentor"...pretty sure that would go viral. i can't tell if it's real or not.

  • MCI123's picture

    lol.[
    quote=Edmundo Braverman]I get a lot of mail and PMs from you guys, and I know I'm not always as diligent about responding to them as you'd probably like me to be. Just know that if you send me something and I don't respond, it's because you're asking me something about which I have no background and, rather than waste your time with a non-answer, I just trust that you'll seek out a more appropriate source.

    However, every so often I get something really off the wall. Now, I expect that because this is the Internet after all, so it's usually no big deal. But the other day I got an email from a WSO user that crossed the line, and I'm going to re-print it here in its entirety so you guys can see a good example of how not to approach a stranger on the Internet. I'm not going to name and shame, because that's really not my style - but you know who you are.

    Without further ado:

    Hi Eddie

    I enjoy your posts very much. I need your advice on something. My friend is a trader at a prop firm in NYC, who is having trouble making his numbers. He has a family and is afraid of losing his job.

    I know this sounds nasty, but he has a friend at the SEC who's rogue if you know what I mean. His friend said that if he gets inside info, he would do his best to hide it for him at the SEC (if he doesn't go too far like Raj Raj).

    But he doesn't have any sources for getting this info. He doesn't know anyone in banking, and I told him that he isn't going to find someone who would immediately agree to share this kind of info with him. However his time at work is running out and he needs to get this "edge" fast or everything he worked for is in trouble.

    How do traders do what he needs to do? What is the way traders used to do this? He wouldn't do this if he wasn't desperate. He's taking the risk that he gets caught and he says he's ok with that if his family has money.

    Note that my email address is REDACTED (NOT the one listed at the top) or you could just contact me through this site if you even want to give advice on this kind of thing.

    Since I received this email a couple hours after posting my piece on Sergey Aleynikov being arrested again, I even half-suspected that its source might be an overzealous intern at the Manhattan DA's office trying to soft-solicit a felony and not realizing that this would be entrapment. Who knows? Maybe it is. (And in the off chance that it is, here's a nickel's worth of free advice, kid: If Cyrus Vance knew you did something like this, he'd sling your sorry ass so fast it would make your head spin, so quit trying to get cute.)

    Far more likely, however, is that it came from one among us: a WSO user who isn't very bright. First of all, cold approaching me about committing a crime is going to piss me off; it speaks to your estimation of my intelligence or of my character, specifically my lack of either or both.

    Second, an email like this implicates not only yourself, but your "buddy" (I'll bet he's stoked you're soliciting a felony from a stranger on the Internet on his behalf), and the allegedly bent SEC employee he supposedly has in his pocket. You, sir, are a fucktard.

    Now I could use a little help from you guys, so the kid learns a lesson.

    What would you say to someone who sent you an email like this out of the blue? What would you do with it (assuming you didn't have access to a 75,000 member forum where you could front-page his dumb ass)? What would you tell this guy so he didn't make the same mistake again?

    Consider it a public service.

    And keep the emails coming. You know I'll help if I can (and you're not retarded).[/quote]

  • BlackHat's picture

    What's an "elder mentor," for the record?

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • In reply to tiger2012
    BlackHat's picture

    tiger2012:
    BlackHat:
    What's an "elder mentor," for the record?

    Clearly your girlfriend hasn't had you read 50 Shades of Grey yet...

    This is us.
    http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/he_whipped_she_...

    I hate victims who respect their executioners

  • In reply to BlackHat
    WalMartShopper's picture

    lol entitled douches like this are what allow us non-targets hope

    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    Greetings BlackHat,

    My name is [Redacted], and I am a sophmore at [Ivy League school] interested in beginning my journey to success and happiness at hedge fund like yours. I have chosen you to become my elder mentor who will guide me along my way much like a father figure.

    We will only need to meet once or twice monthly for dinner or drinks to discuss career paths, lifestyle, and talk about successful investing ideas. I know you will be the right canidate for my choice so this will be benefit for both of us.

    If you must miss a dinner meeting we must rescedule for another time, but I am very busy so it must fit to my timeline or else this will not work. Contact me with the first date you want to meet with location.

    Kind regards,
    [Redacted]
    [Contact Information]

    I was too beside myself to even respond.

    If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!

  • In reply to RichardPennybags
    D M's picture

    RichardPennybags:
    Lol, not sure if this is serious:) Maybe he is just trolling?

    If that is not the case - he should look into political careers in Eastern Europe.

    P.S I once posted in some discussion, as a joke obviously, that "I am giving away 3 internships at KKR on a first come first serve basis". Got like 20 inbox messages. Really? Do people not think at all?

    Honestly, for the amount of effort it takes to send a PM on this site it's probably worth it for some people. Actually it's obviously worth it to some people since some people did it.

    BlackHat:
    I got this message right around the time I made that first post about the research process at my firm:

    dude you said you weren't going to tell anyone, what happened to the bro code bro?

    "You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
    "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee

  • Twigga's picture

    Funny stuff, Eddie. Who would put that sort of info out there? Stringer Bell said it best:

    "N****, is you taking notes on a criminal f***ing conspiracy?"

  • sayandarula's picture

    this is great. i don't know which is worse, though both of these kids seem to be entirely devoid of social skills. BH's seems more outrageous and funny.. i would give my right nut to meet that kid. and i'd be willing to bet that he smells like steamed vegetables, weird kids always do. but fuck... soliciting a complete stranger on an internet forum to help you commit a felony? jesus christ.

    Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

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