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Your competition's not as tough as you think
 

bankerella's picture
IB
(King Kong, 1,863
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:30pm
phone.jpg

Every year around this time, some young monkeys hop on the forums and start moaning about how bad this year is for recruiting. You guys think it's bad? You ain't seen bad unless you've seen 2001, 2008, or 2009. But nevertheless, your auntie has good news. I recruited all last week, and let me tell you: the competition out there right now doesn't look as tough as you guys think it is. Here are the real gems from my week recruiting at our top targets:

Candidates who stare at or lengthily check their phones while talking to recruiters. If you aren't going to make eye contact with me, at least have the basic human dignity to stare at my boobs like the rest of the candidate pool. If you can't find something about me or my firm to stay interested in for ninety seconds, then the feeling is probably going to be mutual.

"Hi, my name is Brian, I'm an English major, blah blah, and I don't need a Visa." Thanks, Whitey McWhiteboy -- I'm not sure I would have noticed your glaring whiteness had you not pointed it out to me. While it's true that roughly 85% of the 200 people in this room are Asians that aren't native English speakers, and thus you actually are a bit unusual here, I'm slightly alarmed that the most positive spin you could think of was the fact that you were born on these shores. How about your Excel skills? Or do you do any cave diving?

A girl in a sleeveless red cocktail dress with a deep slit up one thigh. This was completely surreal at 10:30 in the morning at a career fair. I really hope L'Oreal gave her a job, because otherwise she's gonna have to be a bar hostess.

Communications majors with 3.3 GPAs. Really? That communications coursework is too heavy-duty for you to squeeze out a 3.5? Is that Powerpoint formatting a little too hardcore for you?

A guy wearing so much aftershave it literally made my eyes water. This was in one of those little tiny interview rooms. I literally cut the interview short by ten minutes because I couldn't handle being in the room with the guy any longer.

Men with facial hair. Dude, you're 21. You're 130 pounds soaking wet. You probably grew this thing to try to prove to the girls around you that you have in fact gone through puberty. But all it means is that you're going to get no girls and no jobs. And it ain't Movember yet, so listen up and mow it down.

Bright pink/purple shirts. I'm not talking pastel, I'm talking bright like 1980's bright. (This was specifically on Indian males. Is that a thing?)

Two-page resumes. Please. You haven't even done anything yet.

Explaining a weakness on their resume the moment they hand it to me. You really want to make sure that the first thing I pay attention to on your resume is the turd? Save it for the interview.

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Comments

miermier's picture

mmm boobs

(Baboon, 132
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:48pm

mmm boobs

Proposition Joe's picture

Great post

ST
(Baboon, 111
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:49pm

Great post

I'm like one of them marriage counselors. Charge by the hour to tell some fool he needa bring some flowers home. Then charge another hour telling the bitch she oughta suck some cock every little once in a while. Keep a marriage strong like that. -Prop Joe

KKS's picture

Bankerella, I enjoy your

IB
(Gorilla, 630
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:52pm

Bankerella, I enjoy your threads. Thank you.

shark-monkey's picture

Hahaha, Were the bright

HF
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:53pm

Hahaha, Were the bright pink/purple shirts shiny? I know exactly what you're talking about.

Yeah, the kinda shiny bright pink/purple dress shirts? What's up with that?

Fear is the greatest motivator. Motivation is what it takes to find profit.

BTbanker's picture

Come to the top state schools

IB
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:55pm

Come to the top state schools next time Bakerella. We'll show you a good time.

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

GS's picture

bankerella: Bright

ST
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:56pm
bankerella:

Bright pink/purple shirts. I'm not talking pastel, I'm talking bright like 1980's bright. (This was specifically on Indian males. Is that a thing?)

.

Are you recruiting for a Bollywood studio?

sayandarula's picture

not to self: shave face, tone

O
(King Kong, 1,812
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 12:56pm

not to self: shave face, tone down the cologne, stare at boobs

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

DontMakeMeShortYou's picture

sayandarula: not to self:

HF
(King Kong, 1,891
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:01pm
sayandarula:

not to self: shave face, tone down the cologne, stare at boobs

that last one doesn't come naturally? I have only one thing to say: http://i.imgur.com/bpbpJ.png

See my WSO Blog

ricky212's picture

sayandarula: not to self:

ST
(Orangutan, 356
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:02pm
sayandarula:

not to self: shave face, tone down the cologne, stare at boobs

lol!

Because when you're in a room full of smart people, smart suddenly doesn't matter—interesting is what matters.

sayandarula's picture

^^ i meant "NOTE to self"

O
(King Kong, 1,812
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:04pm

^^ i meant "NOTE to self"

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

econcomputingCRE's picture

how can you say 2008 and 2009

(Baboon, 139
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:05pm

how can you say 2008 and 2009 were the worst years? 2008 the graduating class was not in a rough market until the fall... well after recruiting for that year was over. 2009/10 were the worst years

GS's picture

econcomputingCRE: how can you

ST
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:07pm
econcomputingCRE:

how can you say 2008 and 2009 were the worst years? 2008 the graduating class was not in a rough market until the fall... well after recruiting for that year was over. 2009/10 were the worst years

You're forgetting about all the FT offers that were rescinded

Bearearns's picture

"Candidates who stare at or

(Orangutan, 275
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:11pm

"Candidates who stare at or lengthily check their phones while talking to recruiters."

This would bug the shit out of me. It bugs me just thinking of it.

econcomputingCRE's picture

GS: econcomputingCRE: how

(Baboon, 139
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:13pm
GS:
econcomputingCRE:

how can you say 2008 and 2009 were the worst years? 2008 the graduating class was not in a rough market until the fall... well after recruiting for that year was over. 2009/10 were the worst years

You're forgetting about all the FT offers that were rescinded

That was bigger in 08/09 than in 07/08... no? 09/10 then was arguably the worst year (job losses continued until mid-to-late '10). 10/11 picked up a bit and now 11/12 is still improving on last year.

I agree with everything she said, but if she's saying that 07/08 was one of the worst years (even though we were technically in recession) then that's odd to say that because the fin crisis had not even developed byt hen

valuationGURU's picture

I was lucky enough to have

CF
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:15pm

I was lucky enough to have graduated in 09... ugh

See my other WSO blog posts

HotnSpicy's picture

Seriously, people would

(Chimp, 13
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:18pm
egress's picture

GS: bankerella: Bright

(Baboon, 169
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:25pm

WSO Content Intern

Financier4Hire's picture

While it's true that roughly

PE
(King Kong, 1,070
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:28pm

"The future isn't what it used to be "-Yogi Berra

"Perhaps you've failed to take into account my hidden assets"-007


The coolest cat on WSO
My BLOG

ladubs111's picture

Maybe there's not enough

IA
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:27pm
NYU's picture

This post makes me cringe.

PE
(Baboon, 159
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 2:35pm
TechBanking's picture

This is very accurate. I see

EN
(King Kong, 1,101
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:40pm
Oreos's picture

can someone change the thread

HF
(Neanderthal, 2,445
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:47pm
BlackHat's picture

bankerella: Men with facial

HF
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:49pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

cheesebeans's picture

Bearearns: "Candidates who

O
(Monkey, 53
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:52pm
TechBanking's picture

Financier4Hire: While

EN
(King Kong, 1,101
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 1:54pm
BTbanker's picture

BlackHat: bankerella: Men

IB
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 2:06pm

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

GS's picture

BlackHat: At 16 I was

ST
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 2:12pm
BlackHat's picture

GS: Italian? Of course

HF
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 2:15pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

animalz's picture

+1

(Gorilla, 681
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 2:25pm
Cicero's picture

Your recruiting experiences

IB
(Baboon, 106
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:16pm
Oreos's picture

Cicero: Your recruiting

HF
(Neanderthal, 2,445
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:19pm
El_Mono's picture

Boobs suck, ass rules.

IB
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:29pm

Valor is of no service, chance rules all, and the bravest often fall by the hands of cowards. - Tacitus

Dr. Nick Riviera: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!

Oreos's picture

El_Mono: Boobs suck, ass

HF
(Neanderthal, 2,445
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:32pm
bankerella's picture

El_Mono: Boobs suck, ass

IB
(King Kong, 1,863
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:38pm

See my other WSO blog posts

Ron Paul's picture

BlackHat: GS: Italian? Of

 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:43pm
BlackHat's picture

Ron

HF
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:44pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

Financier4Hire's picture

Bankarella, If I approached

PE
(King Kong, 1,070
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:48pm

"The future isn't what it used to be "-Yogi Berra

"Perhaps you've failed to take into account my hidden assets"-007


The coolest cat on WSO
My BLOG

solb22's picture

Get off your god damn high

 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:49pm
prudentinvestor's picture

To be fair, most of those

(Orangutan, 317
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 3:56pm
Anomanderis's picture

GS: BlackHat: At 16 I was

ST
(Orangutan, 357
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:00pm

But Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought bravely.

And Rhaegar died.

GS's picture

solb22: Get off your god damn

ST
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:06pm
andres17's picture

BlackHat: bankerella: Men

 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:08pm
solb22's picture

GS: solb22: Get off your

 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:09pm
bankerella's picture

solb22: Get off your god damn

IB
(King Kong, 1,863
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:12pm

See my other WSO blog posts

GS's picture

solb22: GS: solb22: Get

ST
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:26pm
GS's picture

bankerella: A reflection of

ST
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:29pm
itecya's picture

Candidates who stare at or

(Baboon, 171
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:34pm
BlackHat's picture

andres17: BH, I carry a

HF
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:44pm

I hate victims who respect their executioners

Follow BH & Co. on Twitter: @DumbLuckCapital
twitter.com/DumbLuckCapital

SirTradesaLot's picture

BlackHat: andres17: BH, I

O
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:47pm

Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital

My WSO Blog

KKS's picture

Bankerella, you should post a

IB
(Gorilla, 630
 
Points)
 on 9/19/12 at 4:52pm

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