To simply put it...
My girlfriend and I are graduating this May - She will start FT atS&T and I'll start mine at Ops. Indeed, my pride has already been penetrated. I come from a very untraditional background and granted I was a total screw up in high school and college. Only if I were given the chance to go back, I would do everything in the world to change things around. I was very fortunate to even receive a offer and will put in all efforts as if my life was on the line to move up.
I told her for this winter break, I was going to be productive by taking up a part time job. I realized it wasn't going to be worth it making minimum wage where I can use this time to hang out with friends. The fact that I changed my mind so easily and not being productive in other ways had disappointed her a lot apparently. She said "I don't have motivation; I change my mind easily; I don't have set goals." This just hurt my pride a lot and had put me down. I feel miserable for some reason.
Apologies, this is by no means any way to seek sympathy or pity, I just wanted to let it out. Maybe I really do lack motivation, I don't know. Really don't know how to resolve my emotions at this point.
Thanks for reading..