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What every banker girl needs

bankerella's picture
bankerella - Certified Professional
Rank: Neanderthal | banana points 2,083

Mod note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - this originally went up Aug 2012 while most of you were still playing jv hopscotch. If you haven't read Bankerella's posts, go through each and every one of them now, they're fantastic. fwiw this post also went up on CNBC. Enjoy!

Okay, today's advice comes with a dirty little secret.

One thing a banker girl (or any 20-something single chick working 80+ hours a week in a stressful environment) needs is the ability to occasionally have some fun with with very little advance notice and with no strings attached.

(Sure, the perfect girl is a bastion of sexual morality and never dates anyone casually, but that's just not relevant here.) So as a banker chick, you need to get maximum hedonic return on the few hours you have left to yourself, and let's face it, those hours aren't enough to gently nurture a budding but delicate relationship. You need to be strategic about how you use that time, so you need to find people (or a person) who can do the same.

If you're reasonably hot, you'll have no lack of candidates for the role. It's like a resume screen: you need to apply some sort of quick initial test to focus in on candidates who are more likely to be rock stars.

So here are my rankings, based on my own experiences and the experiences of a few friends.

Bear in mind, this is not exactly a scientific sample. (And guys, if my description doesn't fit your dating style, don't feel like I'm dissing you personally. All that means is that you're probably not a part of the sample.)

So. First, you could go with a fellow banker. I give the banker guy one star out of three. Pros: not clingy, spends money. Cons: Frequently not available. Work is always top-of-mind. Things stall when work gets heavy. Unfortunate tendency to end phone calls with "Thanks. Bye." Also, there's just too much room for comparison. There's just no way to not compare status, deals, money. You have to be okay with that going in.

PE guy: 2 stars. Same pros as the banker guy with fewer cons, more confidence, and more free time.

Consultant guy: 1.5 stars. Pros: Has lots and lots of miles and points. Stays out of your hair Monday through Thursday. Cons: Who cares about miles and points? Frequently not there when needed. Uses a mouse. Has an inflated opinion of the importance of his work. And just as things are hitting a good rhythm, he gets transferred or restaffed to some other city.

PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot.

Hedge fund guy: my sample is weak here; would benchmark him to PE guy with potential upside based on role, experience, and personality.

Trader guy: Three stars. Pros: transactional awareness, speed, bandwidth, value/time ratio, ability to close out the trade and walk away without drama. Typically feel they have something to prove, like to throw money around. Cons: Slightly scruffier than the guys above. Thinks that traders (rather than bankers) are masters of the universe. Keeps comparing his best month's earnings to your average month; sometimes "forgets" to add in your bonus. (It's not discretionary! It's a sure thing!) Most importantly: when he has a bad day, it's a really bad day.

Net-net, I obviously think traders carry the day here. They understand the transaction right out of the gate, they're fun as hell, they don't care about their reputations, they don't work (much) from home, they're usually available, and they're comfortable going 0 to 60 in twenty minutes if that's the order of the day. If they're judgmental about what a girl wants, at least they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it.

So, chicas, take Auntie's advice and think about keeping a trader's number on your phone. Oh, and obviously: choose carefully, be discreet, always be a lady in public, and always, always, ALWAYS wrap it up before you ride it.

Comments (285)

Aug 8, 2012

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

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Aug 7, 2012
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Aug 8, 2012

"Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?"

Aug 8, 2012
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Aug 8, 2012

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

Aug 8, 2012
Aug 9, 2012

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.

Aug 9, 2012
Aug 9, 2012

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.

Aug 10, 2012
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Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 16, 2012
Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012
Aug 13, 2012

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

Aug 13, 2012
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Sep 19, 2012

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

Aug 17, 2012
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Sep 7, 2012

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

Sep 7, 2012
Sep 7, 2012

How big is yours?

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Sep 8, 2012
Sep 15, 2012

The world is gray today, fraught with fear in an endless haze, to remark upon happy notes is only but a lie.

Nov 3, 2012
Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014

You killed the Greece spread goes up, spread goes down, from Wall Street they all play like a freak, Goldman Sachs 'o beat.

Jun 27, 2014

Benjamin A Gilman Scholar
Economics & Finance, Mandarin Chinese & Japanese
Small Business VP

Jun 27, 2014
Jun 27, 2014

I would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

Jun 28, 2014

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."

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