Should I leave IB for my girlfriend, who I want to marry and have a family with?
I am going to preface this by saying I drank an entire bottle of wine before posting this, as it's hard for me to talk about this stuff in a super serious manner otherwise.
I have known my girlfriend since the 7th grade. I had a huge crush on her the moment I saw her; obviously that was just infatuation at the time, but we got together in high school and have been together since. I don’t mean to sound all sappy, but I really really lover her, and I am 100% certain I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Ironically, I also found out about IB while I was in 7th grade, and I wanted to do it since then. I was just really interested in finance and markets. The problem is, with IB, I can't spend as much time as I want to with her. Honestly, I want to move to the suburbs, buy a house, and have kids and all of that kind of cheesy things with her, but I also really enjoy my career in IB. I would also be lying if I said I wasn't loving the money. I made 400k as a first year assc. at an EB last year (inclusive of promotion bonus).
So I guess my question is, what would you guys do in this situation? Would you exit to corp fin/dev and never make more than 200k for the rest of your life (for reference, my girlfriend is a school teacher), or would you stay in IB and try to somehow make this relationship work with the killer hours? I guess at the most basic level, I'm asking if you would choose your relationship or money/lifestyle? The sucky part is my parents made 700k a year when I was growing up, and my brother who is a doctor makes 350k a year. I just feel inferior if I exit to corp stuff, esp. because 1) my parents were poor savers and I will not get much of an inheritance, and 2) when I asked my bro about this, he was a jerk and told me that I would be a loser if I made less than him.
I'm sorry if I sound like an idiot in this. Please keep in mind that I am drunk. Also please don't make fun of me for not being able to confront my problems without alcohol. And if you're name is Richard, fuck off and don't respond to this. As a note, I did not proof read this either.
Thanks in advance for any helpful advice.
Wait till you're a VP to propose.
Btw don't feel inferior to your family if you decide to switch out of IB for better work life balance. You made 400k in a year bro. People would die to be where you're at, making a first world problem out of a selfless career decision while crying your eyes out over a full bottle of whine and also calling your parents bad savers because you won't get that high of an inheritance.
Wait a second...please tell me you're trolling bro.
My only problem with wanting to wait til VP is that we'ev been together for so long. Since our sophomore year of high school. That like 9 years now. I am 100% certain about her. That's really my question. Since I am 100% certain about her would should I move to corpfin/dev? There is no uncertainty as to whether or not I love her.
I am not Richard so I am not a troll fuck richard that guy is suppoed to be a CEO but he gave a fuckin 50% offer rate to his SAs.
Got for it dude. Life is short.
Incredibly based. Money isn't meaning, don't die without meaning.
Sorry, what does "based" mean?
Believe he means biased
did not realise WSO was becoming 4chan. ok then.
4chan is leading the right wing internet revolution
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/based/
"Based is a slang term that originally meant to be addicted to crack cocaine (or acting like you were), but was reclaimed by rapper Lil B for being yourself and not caring what others think of you—to carry yourself with swagger."
No that's not what based means. It's just another way to say "Alpha AF" or "Chad Move".
It Will Always Be Associated With lil B For Me
Why don’t you give it a serious try to work for a corporate? Amazon or Google would be sweet gigs
Wouldn't be FAANG. I have an offer at an F500 company, one that you would instantly recognize , for corp dev that would pay 90k year one with the possibility of up to 200k.
I don't know how I could handle going from 400k a year to 90k...
Yeah the 90k is a strong no, you should keep hunting for 150k+ base
90k all in coming in with 3-4+ years of banking experience? Sounds criminally low to me (assuming job is in a high COL area).
For reference—I am a second year IB analyst and have been interviewing for finance/strategy roles at startups and growth companies (no F500s however). Haven’t had pushback when I’ve given $80k+ as my desired comp.
Look man, know your worth. I would take 90k as a kick to the nuts. Seriously, I don't know how these HR people offer some of these jobs with pay attached like that with a straight face.
That's bullshit.
I don't doubt you're telling the truth, I just think you've stopped your search or accepted that this dog shit offer is "standard".
PLENTY of people have come in as a Corp Dev manager with less experience than you, making north of 200k base.
Not sure why so many people thinking 90k is low or BS. 90k base seems to be typical for non-tech. MBA business schools">M7 with years of experiences joining non-tech is only making slightly higher in terms of base.
You often don't get overpaid at corporate just because you come from IB, especially if you are not at an acquisitive company.
I guess OP received offer at a decent F500 that is traditional and non-acquisitive. In that case, OP is also quite correct in terms of 200k in future given corp dev there is not the "alpha" team and OP could only be more successful than that if he switch job / move outside of corp dev to real managerial position in finance
move to a non-M&A role at an EB with chiller hours or more to another bank in like DCM or private funds group or some shit so the pay cut isnt that steep
Ah thats a good idea. Though I'd still want to be in a top group. Personally, I favor debt, so I'd probably want to go to a BB if I went that route. Esp. a balance sheet heavy one.
yeah with your EB background should not be difficult to get interviews for DCM or other capital markets roles at BBs
Could also go into corporate or commercial banking. At the BB I'm at, plenty of the higher ups are ex-IB guys who started families and wanted something more laid back. Great way to make 200-500k at the RM level while working 40-50 hour weeks
Do it baby, let us know how it goes. At the end of the day finance is just a paycheck. Which version of you feels more empty? You without finance or you without the love of your life?
Habibi I'll update this one day when I'm not drunk. You're right though. I guess I can imagine a life without IB pay, however sucky it may be, but I absolutley cannot imagine a life without her. And for what its worth, my bitch ass brother hasn't dated anyone since hs and he's a 35 year old doctor. Fuck him that fucking cunt.
Us incel boys get touchy about giving it all up for some lAdY..
You Lebanese bro? same - RIP Beirut
Does anyone else wish they could tag Richard?
-deleted-
Hey OP, does she love you as much as you do? If she does, then leaving IB for a lesser demanding role would definitely be something to consider. Also, if she does love you a lot then maybe you guys may both agree that you should grind out these hours for a couple to a few more years so that you can obtain the financial status you're looking for as much as possible. If she doesn't love you OP, then it's always money > girls - but, you wouldn't be here asking us for advice if you didn't think she loved you, or if you didn't polish a bottle of wine on a Sunday night by yourself.
I can 100% relate to this. Im in IB and my ex-gf was a school teacher. We recently broke up because we couldnt find a way for us to live together after 5yrs in our relationship (she wanted suburbs, i wanted as close to nyc as possible). I work in the nyc and she works in central nj.
It was sad to see a good relationship break over logistics but unfortunately it is what it is. I guess you can i chose IB over the relationship.... at the end of the day, someone needs to make the sacrifice
Don't take life so seriously. Work hard and provide a good life for your family but do some soul searching and really figure out your priorities. Drunk words are sober thoughts and by your post it seems like you wanna ditch IB - so send it
Playing devil's advocate because I'm definitely pro-love, but how can you stand dating the same person for 9 whole years?! Respect, truly, especially seeing as you dated her during the most formative time in your life when people are changing yearly if not daily.
Keeping that in mind, if you've been together 9 years I doubt working demanding hours is a deal-breaker for her at this point. In fact it may work to your benefit, as absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you had too much free time on your hands, you may start to not appreciate the time you do spend with, and vice versa. I would seriously consider grinding it out a little longer.
100% agree with this. You’ve lasted 9 years, you can last another. Hopefully hours get marginally better as a VP. If anything, your bond will be even stronger.
Grind it out for a couple more years, then start enjoying life (as much as IB allows).
.
No shit there are enough people trying to be an associate - you didn't address his issue at all. He's clearly not ungrateful for his position lol take your incel ass somewhere else LMFAO
Did not intend for what i said to be interpreted i that way.
You seem EXTREMELY frustrating to talk to.
sounds like you just need to go join a DCM shop and cop the ring bro
Agree with above comments, exiting to DCM or maybe a LevFin team at a BB definitely sounds like your best bet to keep on making $$ while having much better w-l balance. Maybe even a shareholder advisory group, which would be slightly closer to a corpdev role than debt markets
Good that you're 100% sure. You've your answer
To paraphrase Goodwill Hunting, “go see about that girl.”
No amount of money can buy you someone you can build a life with. A comfortable living with a family you love isn’t worth sacrificing for a few hundred thousand dollars a year.
Will ended up fucking off to go make money at the end...
Lmao that’s not how the movie ends, my dude.
You shouldn't feel inferior to anyone. You mention family made 700k/year but were poor savers? It's not just how much you make, but how much is left so think about that. It's about how long can you survive with no income. Can you adjust your spending? It comes down to emotions and what you want out of life. You can be happy with 60k/year, but if you're making 400k please don't be penniless like the rest of the country. Don't forget being a happy human being. Maybe keep grinding for years to come but live a frugal life, so you could be free for several years and pursue something that truly gets to you. How would you live if the two of you were teachers? End result should be fulfillment and happiness... But grind it out if that's what it takes first.
Fuck IB dude, find something else. Spending forever with someone you are so obviously in love with sounds so much better.
Came here to say this. It sounds like you are incredibly successful career wise, and I have no doubt you will excel in whatever you pursue.
Look into atypical roles as well, what about being an investment manager for an endowment fund? For good corp dev roles you could apply for a Manager role and your all in could be 150-200k, going upward steadily. What about joining a more lax LMM PE fund? If your success continues there, you could receive some carry off the bat with opportunities to increase your percentage. What about DCM, or something with somewhat better hours? What about B school? What about being a VP of Finance or possibly even CFO at a smaller company? What about joining a boutique (not EB) where you can come on as VP with better hours?
A couple good questions to ask yourself is, how much do I feel I need/want to cut my hours back by? How much will I need to make to feel successful? What roles meet both criteria? Do I have people within my network that can help me quickly transition into these roles?
If you make 200k a year, you'll be making enough to give your potential children all the opportunities they need. Idk, maybe its just me, but I would have a hard time risking a relationship with the girl of my dreams that I have spent 5-10 years with. Your decision is a hard one but my main advice is make sure you've considered all options before making a decision.
I know this is meant to be a serious post, but I couldn't help but imagine a scenario where you leave IB for corp dev for her and she leaves you for another banker.
In all seriousness, can't you save up and make investments or start a business that'll help you live comfortably without the intensity of IB?
Put it this way:
If you stay in IB and don’t marry her, will you look back in 5/10/20 years as that decision being your big regret? As you’re sitting in the office toiling away for another day, will you think “I’m glad I turned down that chance for happiness for this job, it fulfils me in the way that my potential wife could never have done”
If you marry her and leave IB, will you look back in 5/10/20 years and think “fuck, I wish I stayed in IB because this wasn’t worth it”?
I don't understand. You have a job you love, with pay you like, and an awesome girl. You're already mid-level. If you wait a little longer, you'll be promoted and even less of your time will be demanded by your work. It sounds like you have it all. Why not sit back, chill out, and enjoy the ride? As a school teacher your gal will not be the main breadwinner of your family. So you'll need to be that for your household. So bringing in more money will be helpful. You do NOT know that you'll like the corporate world better, even if they do give you less work to do. So why mess up a good thing?
My question is, why not just keep trucking along? You’ve done great so far, both career wise and personal relationship wise, so why do you feel the need to change anything? Plenty of directors and managing directors live in CT and in other suburban areas, and your hours improve as you move up, so why not just keep doing what you’re doing?
A couple comments above me someone asked if it didn’t work out and you looked back, would you say “I’m glad I left that job, my reputation and all the money I could’ve made on the table for us to try to work out (even though it seems like everything is working fine?).” I think that’s a really important question to ask yourself and know the answer to
Follow your heart bro. The best of luck.
My two cents, but it sounds like you currently have things pretty well setup for your life situation and you only need to get through a few more years before VP (a much better lifestyle). Also, you have known her since 7th grade and I highly doubt a few years of long hours in IB is going to break your relationship.
However, if you truly think that IB could end your relationship then choose the girl. Personally, I think it is way easier to find a way to make money than it is to find the right girl.
deleted.
https://media1.giphy.com/media/1BXa2alBjrCXC/giphy.gif" alt="sad" />
dude u r such a useless troll but we all luv u for it
destiny is a funny thing, you never know how things may turn out. but with an open heart and an open mind, you will one day find your own destiny
OP, can you try staying a bit longer for the 400k or see if you can make it to VP (if VP hours are great).
If not and you think she means everything to you, go ahead and prepare GMAT and maintain very good relationship with your old boss (I did not and I regretted).
If things don't work out, you can still do an MBA / return back to IB (I assume you are top performer if you bring home 400k as first year).
One suggestion I haven't seen yet: MM IB. If you don't see your GF enough, and don't see the hours getting significantly better in the future, but like the work and don't want to take a Corp Dev paycut, you could do pretty well at the right MM IB. I'm currently at one with a reputation for good culture and many of our senior bankers came from larger banks, wanting the chance to spend some time with their families.
that could be said for any "right" group -- usually the smaller the bank the less the resources/manpower = an,as,vp having to take on responsibility way outside job description
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I was in the same spot.... senior year of college had a few offers(NYC, SF). Girlfriend was doing her first year as a elementary school teacher in some smaller town. I had some good offers but instead of taking them I just did a big pull off CapIQ for any small bank in the US and I cold called them... I ended up with a sweet gig where I mainly work from home still do long hours but most of it is from home.. Pay is normal street pay... Now we getting married so it was worth it for me loz but my goal wasn't to wear Gucci sleds and a Rolex everyday.
U have to talk to her about it and evaluate ur own relationship. If it’s been working so far then I would hold off until at least it starts to cause problems - but definitely have a conversation about this with her to see what she wants u to do and what she supports, and if she really doesn’t like that ur in investment banking, just make a plan to leave at some point in the near future.
Probably a decent chance she’ll want you to leave at some point in the near future cuz obviously it sucks, but you’re still really young relative to most of the workforce, so I think u should take that into consideration and make sure she takes that into consideration as well.
My dad always taught to do whatever makes me happy and it sounds like you really value this girl.
Chase the girl bro!
It's a simple equation.
Money
Marry her. I left my GF for a job and moved to a different country for a job. I am happy where I am but she is with someone else now and its killing me.
If you can be with her and still make enough money to be comfortable and maintain your lifestyle, 100% choose her over the job!
If you choose the job over her and you split will regret it until you find someone else. Which may take a long time. You will eventually find a different girl but she will always be the one.
Would you rather make 400k without the love of your life or 200k (still not bad at all) with her? How does she feel about this? You should definitely talk to her about how you feel.
Also, screw your brother. Success isn't about the money you make but the time you spend with people you love.
Jobs come and go, but family is forever. If you found the girl you're going to marry, then you do need to make her a priority. However you also need to be aware that that the biggest stressor on a family is finances, and she's elected to be a school teacher, which means you bringing in a high salary is actually to the benefit of your family's stability. And you actually ENJOY your job. If you were coming in here complaining about either your job or GF I think the advice might be different. But because both of these aspects of your life seem to be functioning well I don't see why you need to throw one or the other away. You should also be mindful of 'grass-is-greener' syndrome. Yes, a corporate job might have fewer hours. But it will ALSO come with problems, which can include politics, the need to develop internal buy-in with decision makers, a corporate culture that you cannot at the onset predict, and also possibly some long hours anyway. I've worked in financial services, PE and corporate and I can tell you that it's quite possible that a lower-paying corporate job can make you just as unhappy as an IBD job, and with less opportunity to switch projects or managers.There are just too many variables you can't predict about a new role. Simply put, if you've got something that's working for you now, don't mess it up. Be happy, milk it, grind and climb, and actively practice gratitude.
If you hated IB, perhaps making moves might make sense, but you DON'T hate IB. You're just wanting to maximize the GF situation. That's understandable and commendable. I would instead recommend you focus on trying to make the most of the time you do have with her, and put some of your money towards making her feel special.
So what you're saying is, it's better to be rich and sad than not rich and still be sad
totally. But in this case, OP seems to actually like his job, so maybe it's "imperfect but content and rich" rather than "imperfect, possible unhappy and middle-income"
Yes
Use Your Sperm
Have you seen The Adjustment Bureau?
It's all up to what you want out of life, and there's nothing wrong with either path. Just remember, you only get one life - so live it how you want. You can always make more money, but the fact that you are posing the question may say something about your subconscious view of your relationship and whether or not you are 100% set on it.
Not going to lie though, being a banker is sick. Good luck!
I think u should have sit down and chat with her, let her know what’s at stake here and what’s your way of thinking. Be sure to hint to her very randomly that you want to marry her and have kids with her. Trust me women love that, you’re doing something you always dreamt of doing and not much people get that chance. But think about it, talk to her about it a relationship is all about communication
Married prospect in undergrad here.
My wife is amazing - I haven't been with her nearly as long as you've been your girlfriend but my wife has been a trooper through recruiting and school. I couldn't imagine life without her, nor could I imagine doing banking without her supporting me through everything.
That being said, our idea is to exit banking ASAP and go into PE - probably MM PE so it's not absolutely killer like IB. It's going to suck for a couple of years. It may even suck for 4-5 years if we decide on the normal MFPE --> bschool.
In the end though, I'll work around 60-70 hrs/week + make $200k+/year. That's plenty if you're living on a budget. Would I let me family in on these decisions? Hell no - these decisions stay between me and my wife.
You can't let your family decide your happiness. Tell them to piss off. Talk to your girl, tell her your plan and ask her for her feedback, then decide together on something and stick with it. If your family gets all stuffy then tell them to piss off. If your girl calls you a loser for making less money then consider leaving her before you're locked in forever.
You want to be with someone who will support you no matter what you do - I would give the same advice to any potential bride considering marriage too. If either of you are unsupportive of each other then it's time to consider going to therapy or ending it entirely.
TLDR; make a decision with your girl and stick with it no matter what anyone else says. The only opinions that matter in this decision are yours and hers.
wait what, how you married in college?
Met the right girl, dated her, and proposed
I feel like this post is missing crucial info. Has she expressed any discontent with the amount of time you're spending with her? Or are you just assuming she does? Did she give you an ultimatum to choose between her or the job? Why can't you have both? I'm a little confused.
As a side note, fuck yo brother and what he thinks. If he makes fun of you for making less than $350K, clap back at his no relationship having virgin ass. Just remember that even if you decided to take a lower paying job in corp dev, the pay gap with his salary may be larger at first, but that's only temporary. Within 5-7 years, you'll likely make more than what he does given pay trajectory in business/finance vs. healthcare.
Also, who cares about gross pay? Unless your parents paid for his education (which you can make fun of him for if they actually did), doesn't he have like $300K of student loans to pay for?
"I drank an entire bottle of wine before posting this, as it's hard for me to talk about this stuff in a super serious manner otherwise."
Man what
Idk man some people have trouble talking about sensitive things like this. It took me whole year before I (21 year old college guy) was at ease with talking to my girlfriend about my true feelings.
Ok, but did you smash?
DO NOT LET GO OF HER OP
YOU WILL BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND IN MISERY IF YOU BREAK UP WITH HER
You can leave IB and still make great money. Move up the ladder in another firm and make more than $700K. BTW I am sure you know this, but success isn't defined by how much you make.
Im sorry but let me put it this way. If you say bye to her now this love would never be back. if you say bye to the money now you can always make them back (ALWAYS). the worst thing in life is to sit on a pile of money and not knowing what is the meaning of life. that's a deep vault to fill and very sad one too. also, how would you feel about yourself at your death bed thinking i gave up on love for money? i'm a selfish ass. Obviously, dont know how your relationship is with her. but if you are so sure about this relationship, i think the heart knows what to do. Also agree with some of the comments previously, it's not necessarily a either-or question, you can have it both if you manage it well.
I'd say it's worth for getting a family and money balance. Life is not just about the money, it's about time. Spending the time with your lover and build a family are amazing things to do and worthy for your time.
Agreed
Firstly, I have to admit, I have been a lurker and, while tempted, never bother to post bc I can't have a social presence due to my position. I don't have LI, FB, IG,whatever. I don't exist on the web. I am in my early 50's with a successful practice and enough material assets that I will never, ever be able to spend it all in my lifetime.
I have lived a lot, experienced a lot. Times are changing, but what never changes is some young buck contemplating what the OP is pondering here. I just couldn't stand it anymore and needed to post a comment
In any case, my two cents are to ditch the girl. Live live, experience it, savor it, and then settle down later. Money doesn't get your happiness, but it is an enabler. It won't change you unless you are some spineless weasel with no principles. Money will only amplify who you are. -and you will need money regardless...particularly if your S/O is in some career track like teaching, non-profit, or career with a limited earning potential
Yes, you sound all sappy and P-Whipped. You will get over it once you break lose from this addictive behavior.
You are young, you are a male. You have the advantage of getting hot women, and falling in love all over again with someone a decade younger/older than you. Don't settle for what you have until you have experienced more. Don't weigh yourself with some sappy, romantic version of a life that doesn't exist.
Go and make bank, do a stint overseas, date a lot, fornicate a lot. Take some good drugs, but don't get hooked on them. Invest, build wealth, acquire some material assets.
But don't run out on the opportunity you currently have. Take it as far as you can and monetize the hell out it. Delayed gratification is the key to success. Don't cut yourself short.
(excuse typos, typing on a small device)
Actual advice
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Dude. Pick the girl. You only have one life on this earth. Making a lot of money is awesome but the biggest part of that lifestyle is the "bottles & models" per-say. Which is all overrated if you love a girl already. There are other jobs you get that you can enjoy doing. If you loose her to some male school teacher that gives her more attention would you ever forgive yourself? Then you'd be doing the hours, no time to find another, and it will all be unbearable because you lost a women you love. If I was you, I would network and fight to push for a VC or other more time flexible role with still decent hours. Money is relative, you can start a million and one things on the side to make more money. And you'd have the time. What about with the kids and her, think about all the stuff you'd miss in general. Here's the meaning of life, you ready? Life is a gift, it's meant to be enjoyed. Pick the girl.
I've only been with my girlfriend (21M here) for a year now. I know I love her, but only being a year in, I know it's not all the way at this point in time.
But you've been with your gf for nearly a decade at this point. I can only assume the true love you two have in a million times stronger than what my gf of a year and I have. If that's true, I wouldn't hesitate to go all the way if I were in your position.
A lot of people here act like girls are commodities. I would say this is true in the early stages of a relationship but if you're really at the point of love you claim you are, I would not at all agree with this. Go for her dude. Fuck what your brother thinks. Sure, he'll be a rich doctor, but he'll also be lonely.
You have someone you truly love. Don't give that up. IMO, thats worth all the money in the world.
know quite a few guys in roles in NJ where thye earn 150k+ and get home at 540
not sure why youre playing wiht 90k offers
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