Managing a student managed investment fund is a paradise

It's 11:10. I was supposed to submit a trade ticket before the cash open. Our academic advisor will yell at me. He won't fire me despite me begging for him do so. No one else was dumb enough last year to agree to manage the portfolio.

I'm also supposed to be in linear algebra right now. My professor has an accent so thick it could dilute sweet crude. He also doesn't know how to teach the class and I couldn't pirate the textbook so I'm entirely lost. I'd say I'll get notes from friends in the class but we're all lost. I'll continue to pretend that my second major in math matters to recruiting.

At 1 I have an interview with a multi-strat fund. This is my fourth round and I already know I'm not getting the offer. I agreed to manage to portfolio because I thought it would be good for my resume but I'm still a non-target chud. (Did not get the offer, this part isn't fiction. Pls hire me)

At 2 is this weeks pitches. Our tech sector is pitching Salesforce. The stock hasn't moved since I made a mini pitch during my freshman year. I'll vote yes cause I lost interest in the club when I realized it didn't matter. The communications sector is pitching Netflix for the Nth time in as many semesters. I'll vote yes because if the fund blows up it would mean something interesting happened. It also would be great for interviews.

I go to log onto factset because I don't trust the numbers in either pitch. Factset tells me I have to put in a 2FA code. I block off my calendar to call their support line and curse someone out.

I ask a tech analyst what salesforce's platform actually does. They don't know. I don't remember. No one really knows nor do they care. Benioff will continue to mog tf out of Sama and Dario. I grill the rest of their pitch because they've bastardized my sector. Long live the WFE trade from 8 months ago.

I go to the class taught by our academic advisor. He asks for news. I talk about the yen intervention. He disses Bessent. I remember that even if he's the worst Treasury Secretary in history, his career will outshine mine.

Our fund is up at the close. I don't know why and I stopped caring 6 months ago.

I'm about to go to bed at 2 AM when the PM from my freshman year emails me an email with the subject "u know semi's right? give me ur takeaways" and attached 4 PDF's from hotchips. I'd like to be angry but I didn't get a free ticket to hot chips so I'm happy about getting the decks. I have 43 unread emails from freshmen asking about "my path" and how "they'd love to hear my perspective." I was told before accepting the role running the fund that I should be a wizard in the corner, talking to no one and pretending to know what's happening. I miss when that sounded fun.

I will do this again tomorrow, but without any active interview process since the MM already rejected me.

Managing a student managed investment fund is a paradise.