What’s up degenerates.
After a grueling recruiting season filled with ghosting, rejection, and one Zoom interview where I accidentally shared my screen and exposed my League of Legends rank (Silver IV, don’t judge), I’ve finally decided it’s time to take matters into my own hands.
I’m launching my own hedge fund.
Yes, you read that right. It’s called “DeltaCap” (because I like Greek letters and wearing Patagonia vests). Our strategy? Buying only what Goldman Sachs tweets about. Momentum, baby.
Here’s our investment thesis: • Long: NVIDIA, caffeine, and vibes. • Short: My future, the 2nd year analyst who stole my Seamless order, and anyone who says “soft landing.”
I’ve got $250 in dry powder (aka my grandma’s birthday check), and I’m leveraging it 100:1. Let’s ride.
Looking for interns. Must be: • Excel proficient (or at least not afraid of it), • Willing to work for free (but I’ll Venmo you emotional support), • Not allergic to caffeine or existential dread.
AMA about my “fund,” recruiting pain, or what it feels like to get 3 back-to-back dings in under 5 minutes. Let’s get these silver bananas.
Can I play League of Legends during earnings?
Long NVDA, huh?
I think this is one the quickest hedge fund blowups in history!
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