AN1's fiance wants a baby
Without disclosing much, I (AN1) am getting married in the next 3-18 months. My fiancé wants a baby shortly after we get married. I'm fortunate that I'm at a top BB/EB franchise and going to a UMM/MF PE shop next year, and I'm working long hours. While I want to be a dad by ~30, I'm not sure if it's feasible to be one at this point. Any thoughts or experience with this? Thank you.
Edit: To clarify, I will 100% want a kid if it's possible with IB/PE right now
Fade bro. That’s unreasonable on her part. Def a tough conversation but u need to make it clear that u need to grind now
Do it. You won’t regret.
Thanks. How did it work for you?
That would be a very unwise move unless you have family that can help and your significant other understands that you mostly won't be around to help. Having a child puts a lot of strain on a relationship and compound that with a job that sometimes requires 100-hour weeks. The unfortunate reality of the path you've chosen is that you will not have time to raise a family until you're at least 10 years into your career.
I'd highly recommend that you have a sit-down conversation with your finance to discuss this. She probably doesn't fully appreciate the job you've signed up for and what it means so having this conversation will help get you both aligned. She might be unhappy to hear it but it's better to have the conversation now than to make a mistake or have resentment build later. If you position it as these near-term sacrifices for your career will set up the family long-term then that should help soften the disappointment.
Try to have the baby the last few months of your IB stint and max out the paternity leave since you already have the PE job lined up (think most IBs offer 4 months pat leave). Then, just make sure your spouse understands the time demands of your PE job for at least the next few years.
That’s absolutely ridiculous. I don’t think she has life priorities straight. Did you come from a small town in the Midwest? Social context here could explain a lot
We grew up in different regions but went to same school within NYC. She wants a light career and raise a family while I'm the main breadwinner. She's firm and made it clear for many months. Both of our parents married young so we thought why not.
Marry fine… kid is crazy. You need to set her straight it’s just not realistic
Depends on what you want out of life. Recently left NYC after my analyst years to have WLB and start a family sooner. Sounds like you’re committed to PE, so having kids soon probably isn’t a great idea. Personally, chose family life over my career and happy with my choice. Likely getting married in the next year and life is better
Wrong forum to ask this question, everyone here is wagecuck wanna-be elite yuppie who think they're reaching the pinnacle of the corporate ladder doing finance in NYC. In my opinion, it is crazy to have to force your wife to wait 5-8 years to have a child, which is clearly her dream and #1 calling in life (she has also made it abundantly clear this is her desire) so you can grind hard as an analyst and be a bitchass associate for 5 years first (I am one of these bitches now). Optimizing your family solely around your finance career is gay, only you can make this decision and know if you are ready to be a father (newsflash, you are never ready and the timing is never going to be perfect). Will it be significantly harder to balance work and fatherhood? Of course, Doable? Also Of course. Does delaying a few years change that fact pattern? No it does not, the work only gets harder past your analyst years so you'll keep kicking the can down the road if you listen to the nerds on this forum. At the end of the day is this something you want/can do? Only you can answer that.
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