Anyone have to break up with gf before going into IB?

Was anyone in a relationship prior to entering the industry? How did it impact your relationship with your significant other? It seems like it’d be very tough to manage given the industry conditions. Interested to hear success or failure stories

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We were long distance already, so it made sense to just plunge headfirst and embrace the fact that we could pursue our careers intensely for a while and make the sacrifice now in order to reap the benefits later. One year later, I left banking and it's been worth it - enjoy my new role, good WLB and we get to spend more time together (traveling back and forth is now possible + virtual interactions are a lot longer and more meaningful) while also making pretty good money. 

 

Am in a relationship and would say about 50% of my group is and also know several older friends who had successful relationships during their analyst years. I wouldn’t worry too much until you get into it, I think the stress before starting made it seem a lot worse than it was. Still get to spend weekends together/dinners on nights when things are slow.

I do think it is really important to have someone who understands what you’re getting into and can accept that there will be times when you want to be alone after working till 3am the whole week. And also you have to be willing to meet in the middle and send texts or call for a bit on the days when you have a lot going on just so that they know you are okay. This might not be possible if your SO is clingy/doesn’t have a career where they are also working similar hours and can put themselves in your shoes.

I think a lot of people would be more depressed without someone there during there years - working this much sucks no matter how you put it and having someone there for you who cares about you can be a really huge support, especially when you are just moving away from family and can’t see your friends as much. As a side note, this can also create some dependencies and trap you in the relationship - i.e. if work sucks you will also not want to go through a breakup, thus you stay in the relationship even if it isn’t actually a good one. So I would think about whether this is someone who is worth your time/worth making it work or if they are not.

 
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Did it for ~7 months before calling it quits. Half the time living together half the time long distance. Ultimately I just couldn't give her the love and attention she needed, and she just didn't understand how beat up i was because of work, which lead to her overwhelming the little emotional capacity i had left. Tbh, she wasn't even high maintenance, but i def didn't feel the level of support or get the distance I needed during work, which is probably fair given i couldn't reciprocate when i was off work… I really just didn't have it in me at 2am and through 90 hour weeks to hop on the phone before bed each night or take her out on a fri/sat night. I needed the little me time for me exclusively and I couldn’t have anybody disturb that peace while it was available. When you’re in the trenches, everything is just about you taking back what little control of your life you’re afforded… and that’s not exactly conducive to a two street required for a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, almost all of my close friends are in a relationship and working in banking. I think if it works it probably makes the experience better. Each of them btw is long distance (some coast to coast some like an hour away). They've made it work, and i don't know what the right formula is (probs neither do they). They have complaints and it feels like extra work sometimes for sure, but its doable with the right person and probably worth it.

 

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