Alright folks. You've heard of Evercore, PJT, Lazard, Jefferies, Campbell Lutyens, but have you heard of Cebile, Eaton, or Setter? There's a reason for that.Today we are ranking the best of the worst PCA secondaries units in the biz.
Key Criteria: -low pay -trash deal flow -inept staff -deceiptful style -fee gouging
Cebile Capital: First up is no surprise. Raymond James are turning over in their grave after this acquisition from hell. The group did under 12 deals last year, all staffed by ex Best Buy employees and some incels from illustrious online MBAs. Still calling themselves a LMM GP-led shop but haven't closed a single deal in the space - the founder is too busy shitposting on LinkedIn instead of hustling for deal flow. Avoid at all costs.
Setter Capital. The OG Bad Boy in the biz. Founded by a litigious nutcase that wears Kappa joggers to the office and doesn't let people eat at their desk or take potty breaks longer than 4 minutes. Working here is worse than a stint planting trees for a summer in the BC interior. Never met more miserable "bankers" in my life that pitch deals that don't exist to buyers, and pitch buyers to sellers who don't exist either.
Eaton Partners. A new entrant into the poop parlor - this group has fallen from C tier down to F recently after hiring a guy with a reputation of killing more deals than originating them - this bad MOFO is named after a TV show about a killer to boot. Word is people would rather leave the industry than work here.
Guggenheim. Died a few years ago after they tried to build out but then had their entire team poached by Jefferies. Now these Allstars are back for more pain after they hired a team from a bank that did no less than 4 deals all of last year. No doubt they are going to be a real competitor in the NAV loan market.
Honorable mention!!! Overcap (aka Oversubscribed Capital) founded by an ex model that did marketing for a MLM pyramid scheme. These bankers are big when it comes to selling Indian LP stakes for 5 cents on the dollar but still don't know what. Record Date is.
Thanks for tuning in.
Analyst 1 in PE - Other, way too quiet in here. What about these resources:
More suggestions...
Fingers crossed that one of those helps you.
I see you mentioned Guggenheim would "be a real competitor in the NAV loan market". What are your thoughts on NAV loans and how they relate to secondaries?
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