Can AN2 Take Mental Health Break
Monkeys,
After an intense first year in an incredibly challenging and toxic environment, where I worked relentlessly for 136 consecutive days, averaging over 117 ACTUAL WORK hours per week (for a pitching and shit work heavy group in a T2 city), I received a phenomenal end-of-cycle review. Despite this, and with the exception of one negative review from an associate with a reputation for harsh feedback, I was given a middle bucket bonus.
I had viewed the bonus, particularly my right to earning a top rating, as the light at the end of a very long tunnel. Not achieving it has been a significant blow, especially considering the level of commitment and sacrifice I've made, dating back to my college years to reach this point. To say I'm devastated would be an understatement.
Given the situation, I’m struggling with whether it's appropriate for a first-year (now second-year) to take mental health days; note I have not taken a single day off or spent a day without trying to improve at the job since starting the job. I’ve sought medical advice, and my doctor strongly supports taking some time off to recover. I feel completely lost and am now questioning the choices I’ve made in my life.
Has anyone else been through something similar? I want to emphasize that I had always been a positive and happy person, and I had never believed in depression.
I will now need to break the news to my parents, who are not exactly understanding and will definitely make me explain where I went wrong more than once. I will try to use this as an opportunity to reflect on what I can improve and to look inwards but the middle rating still seems unfair from all perspectives.
TLDR; Didn’t get top bucket despite earning it and now feel like my life has ended. Can I take time off to recover? If not, what other avenues should I consider? I am a taker for any advice, so long as thoughtful and sensible.
Thank you all!
Just quit, fuck them
Thank you for the thoughtful and sensible advice!
Life hasn't ended, and the real light at the end of the tunnel here is hopefully you seeing the reality of the job. The idea that hard work = due compensation is a fantasy, and I would certainly expect your parents to understand this. If they don't, and are just laying the blame on you, you need to realize they lack the perspective around this job and industry.
Your only failure here was putting in what are clearly unsustainable hours for a discretionary bonus. I think anyone who has done a few 100-hour weeks should understand the importance of stamina and time management. I've seen enough people burnout because they tried to maximize their hours, falsely equating it with productivity, rather than maximizing their stamina. I think you have a lot more to lose from burnout than you have to gain from getting a higher bonus.
For recovery, I suggest a nice week vacation for starters, and then taking a hard look at how you approach this job. 100+ hour weeks should be the exception. If that's not possible at your current firm, and you're not seeing outsized compensation to match, then it's likely not the right firm. If it's just on your end, try to get home earlier, eat away from the desk, figure out what can wait until the next night, and just get more efficient with assigning tasks and getting support.
Thank you, this is great advice and I really appreciate it. Seems like I need to reshuffle my priorities and get a life outside of my job.
Ever seen the movie Burnt with Bradley Cooper?
"I didn't get top bucket"
"And yet, still alive"
I empathize as I have been here before, but please do not think this is the end of the world.
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