Critique my cold email
I am cold emailing random bankers in Investment Banking with this email. I would appreciate any feedback on it.
Subject line: [firm name] informational chat
Dear xxx, My name is xxx and I came across your Linkeidn profile. I completed my [degree+subject ] from the [university name] in September. Since then I have gained x months experience in Industry. Most recently I have completed a x week investment banking internship at [firm name]. I am currently exploring further internships and full time opportunities in investment banking and I am looking to learn more about [firm name]. I appreciate how busy you must be but I was wondering if you were available for a quick coffee chat on day at Time? I would be most grateful to learn more about your experience at [firm name] and any advice you may have. I am more than available to meet at any time and date more suitable for you. Kind regards xxx
Too long and wordy. Try this:
"Hello Bob the Goldman Sachs Banker,
My name is Mikewagner, and I graduated with a degree in economics from Harvard in September. I am interested in learning more about investment banking and Goldman Sachs in particular. Would you have some time this week for a quick call? I have attached my resume for context. Thanks.
Best,
Mikewagner"
No. You're speaking with another human being, not a god. This might be a different story if you're in London, but in the US, people tend to be pretty informal in business situations.
EDIT: Sorry, forgot to respond to your last point about meeting in person. Yes, that is better, but this is your first contact with this banker, so offering a phone call is more appropriate. Think about it this way: if you were to go on a date with a chick, you'd text her a few times before meeting in-person, right?
For a good cold email, I stick my computer in the freezer for about 20 minutes.