Critique my why IB

Your "Why IB" answer has a strong foundation, but there are areas where it can be refined to make it more concise, impactful, and tailored for a superday at a BB (bulge bracket) bank. Here's a critique and suggestions for improvement:

Strengths:

1. Personal Story: Starting with your family’s company and your direct involvement in the process is a compelling and unique hook. It shows personal motivation and a real-world connection to investment banking.
2. Demonstrated Interest: Your narrative highlights how you’ve been exposed to the core aspects of investment banking (e.g., pitching, modeling, advisory work), which makes your interest credible.
3. Growth Mindset: Emphasizing your love for intensity and growth under pressure aligns well with the demanding nature of investment banking.
4. Real-World Impact: Your focus on making a tangible difference through transactions is a strong motivator that resonates with the purpose of investment banking.

Areas for Improvement:

1. Conciseness: The answer is a bit lengthy and could lose the interviewer’s attention. Aim to streamline your points while keeping the core message intact.
2. Structure: The flow can be improved by organizing your answer into clear sections: personal story, skills/traits, and long-term alignment with IB.
3. Specificity: While your story is strong, you could tie it more directly to the BB bank you’re interviewing with. Mentioning their deal flow, culture, or specific strengths would show you’ve done your homework.
4. Avoid Repetition: Some phrases, like "real-world impact" and "pushing limits," are repeated in different ways. Consolidate these ideas for clarity.

Suggested Revision:

"My interest in investment banking began during my gap year when my family’s company faced bankruptcy. After researching potential solutions, I pitched the idea of working with an investment bank to my family. Through that process—seeing how the bank sourced potential investors, structured debt, and modeled our financials—I realized this was the career I wanted to pursue.

What excites me most about investment banking is the combination of high stakes and steep learning curves. During that year, I thrived in an intense environment where I had to learn quickly to keep up, and I’m seeking a career that consistently challenges me to grow. Beyond the rigor, I’m deeply motivated by the opportunity to make a tangible impact—whether it’s helping companies navigate critical moments, fueling innovation, or shaping industries.

Since then, I’ve built on this interest by joining finance clubs in college, where I’ve honed my technical skills and deepened my understanding of the industry. I’m particularly drawn to [insert BB bank’s name] because of its reputation for [specific strength, e.g., landmark transactions, strong mentorship, or industry expertise], and I’m eager to contribute to and learn from the best minds in the field."

Key Takeaways:

• Keep it concise: Aim for a 1-2 minute response.
• Tailor it to the bank: Research the BB bank’s recent deals, culture, or unique strengths and weave that into your answer.
• Show enthusiasm: Let your passion for the work and the firm shine through.

Good luck on your superday! Remember, confidence and authenticity are just as important as the content of your answer.

Sources: The Case for Taking a Banking Attitude to Other Industries, Social Impact of an Investment Banker?, Finance Career Path & List, The Allure of Investment Banking, Why is banking becoming more competitive?