Damn You Excel, JP Morgan Edition

The US Securities and Exchange Commission’s investigation into JP Morgan Chase’s hiring practices in Asia took a more serious turn with a Bloomberg News report that the bank kept a spreadsheet of well-connected hires from prominent families, linked to specific deals the bank was pursuing.

As Quartz has reported, US regulators investigating the bank for violation of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act will be looking for specific evidence that links JP Morgan’s hires with specific deals it was pursuing—like, say, a spreadsheet that lays out those connections in detail. I guess old habits die hard for bankers, (like this guy, who created a spreadsheet for women he was dating and had “in the pipeline”).

At this point, JP Morgan’s legal compliance and top executives, as well as a slew of government officials and executives around the world, may wish they’d never heard of Excel.

I'm guessing at least a few of you have had Excel be the final nail on your coffin, or the basic bane of your existence.

-
Heather Timmons

6 Comments
 

"Relationship hires" are common in Asia. It's easier than marrying your kid to their kid to win their business.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.
 

So it's just a big fuzz in the Western world again?

I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. See my Blog & AMA
 

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