Damn You Excel, JP Morgan Edition

The US Securities and Exchange Commission’s investigation into JP Morgan Chase’s hiring practices in Asia took a more serious turn with a Bloomberg News report that the bank kept a spreadsheet of well-connected hires from prominent families, linked to specific deals the bank was pursuing.

As Quartz has reported, US regulators investigating the bank for violation of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act will be looking for specific evidence that links JP Morgan’s hires with specific deals it was pursuing—like, say, a spreadsheet that lays out those connections in detail. I guess old habits die hard for bankers, (like this guy, who created a spreadsheet for women he was dating and had “in the pipeline”).

At this point, JP Morgan’s legal compliance and top executives, as well as a slew of government officials and executives around the world, may wish they’d never heard of Excel.

I'm guessing at least a few of you have had Excel be the final nail on your coffin, or the basic bane of your existence.

-
Heather Timmons

6 Comments
 

"Relationship hires" are common in Asia. It's easier than marrying your kid to their kid to win their business.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.
 

So it's just a big fuzz in the Western world again?

I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. See my Blog & AMA
 

Non dolorum inventore quia perspiciatis. Doloribus autem sed nemo aut rerum est. Reiciendis amet ut alias saepe voluptate.

Id nobis repudiandae ea voluptatem architecto ipsa asperiores. Quia dicta quod error quis labore eos beatae. Rerum laborum ipsam veritatis voluptas magnam eos dolorem. Sunt repellendus sunt et accusamus corrupti.

Career Advancement Opportunities

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.5%
  • Moelis & Company 01 99.0%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.4%
  • Guggenheim Partners 02 97.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 06 97.4%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Moelis & Company No 99.5%
  • Morgan Stanley 02 99.0%
  • Evercore 01 98.4%
  • Banco Santander 02 97.9%
  • BMO Capital Markets 13 97.4%

Professional Growth Opportunities

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.5%
  • Moelis & Company 01 99.0%
  • Morgan Stanley 05 98.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 01 97.9%
  • JPMorgan No 97.4%

Total Avg Compensation

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Vice President (16) $429
  • Associates (57) $264
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (8) $210
  • 2nd Year Analyst (29) $183
  • Intern/Summer Associate (16) $161
  • 1st Year Analyst (84) $151
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (76) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”