As a female in IB, wanted to know the feasibility and general thoughts from the finance bros around dating a girl in the same part of finance as you (IB or PE).
Know this is a generalization but is the general consensus that guys in IB / PE prefer to date girls in other fields like comm/PR/etc? Or is working a similar job preferred based on our understanding of the time/workload / or does not matter ?
Wanted to open up a dialogue on this
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Power couples rock
Why is this controversial and getting MS, someone care to enlighten me?
Cringe af bro
You aren’t going to get a good answer on this, especially when considering the demographics of this forum.
It’s a personal decision. Some people want a partner who has a lower stress job, some want no job, and some appreciate the work ethic, etc. required for such a demanding job (and the comp that comes with it). But before you even get to any of that, for some people it isn’t an important factor (although things like being driven, etc can be related to demanding jobs). So it’s a crapshoot.
If you want data points, I’m married to a senior finance professional. We both have demanding jobs and the job wasn’t what attracted me to her (although again some attributes are related).
Who cares? Like the above poster said, people are different. Stop putting your job on a pedestal that requires some perceived extra consideration or sensitivity.
Conservative Case Dream: Both work in IB/PE
Optimistic Case Dream: Goth Girl with black hair and piercings/ Coverage VP boyfriend
Ah, the Elon Musk model
Becomes harder as you get older and think about families etc.
Most of the MDs and Ds I know have other halves who work part time or don't at all.
Having two big earners that have busy jobs will always mean any kids are inherently brought up by a Nanny / School. Most couples don't want that for their kids.
Just my observations.
I’ve found it to be the opposite, as I’ve become more senior I have a lot more control over my time. So while we have childcare, I see my child a lot (all weekend, when I work from home, put them to bed, etc). Depends on how demanding your firm is and the clients, but it’s never been an issue for us.
Having a gf who makes a lot would be great but the biggest issue is personality and being able to separate work and personal life. No guy wants a girl who brings work stress into their relationship and is very combative.
check out this thread from a decade ago by a female banker. Someone ended up reviving the decade old thread and she replied with a life update a decade since she first posted.
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/female-bankers
As someone else suggested before, asking for an opinion on this forum is not a good or productive idea. Every human being is different. You can strive to be better as a person (regardless of jobs - lots of women / men in less demanding jobs bring stress to the relationship because they are shallow / not good partners). Personally my career is very important to me and gives me a lot of satisfaction and I'd never trade it. I am sure 90%+ of the men do not find this attractive and I do not care about it. I'm in PE, my partner is in HF (both stressful) and no kids yet. We have had this discussion and it's not just my job to raise the kids, it's his too. So expecting the mother to raise the kids was never an expectation from him or an offer from me. Whenever we do have children, we will need family / nanny support but it's more likely that he will have more flexibility than I will. My husband respects me a lot and we have never had a discussion on who makes more money. We are both happy because we understand each other's work and demands. Find somebody who likes you for who you are, improves you as a person, and make it work.
I am dating a girl in IB. We work for the same bank but different groups. It’s honestly the best relationship I have ever been in. She understands the hours. There is no guilt if my time gets blown up or if I have to bail on plans. She is super smart and understands all the dynamics. We often have to work late and go home together from the bank. We can meet for dinner or have coffee during the day, so I get to see her a lot. She gets along with everyone in my group and we all hang out after work. We make time to do more couple/dating stuff on weekends when we both have a bit more free time. Outside of the work place she is amazing to me, like super kind, fun, supportive. caring, etc. Life is really good dating a girl banker.
Upside: she has no time to cheat
Sorry I only date cute, vaguely slavic looking art hoes with bangs from Williamsburg. That way I can be super impressed when they show me the latest japanese arthouse criterion collection-adjacent film and they can be super impressed when I tell them what an LBO is (and slowly turn them capitalist little by little using facts and logic)
hard no. A girl in a BB/MFPE will never consider a guy in a MM bank. Unfortunately, a rs only works if a lady respect her husband. If she’s in IB/PE, as a guy you’d better be as capable if not more than her.
It’s great if she’s hardworking, ambitious and all, but from my personal experience, ladies in IB/PE are more competitive/opportunistic/calculative than say Markets/Consulting.
The traits in IB/PE are antithesis to the femininity I desire in my SO. Of course I am generalizing here, but this is just my observation.
I find that most people have a work persona. For a woman to be successful in IB or any other male-dominated environment, they have to appear competent, smart, not overly emotional etc. Take them out of the work environment and get to know them as an individual, you often see a different side and you see who she truly is. She can be someone who functions effectively in a high finance setting and she can also possess all the desirable traits that you say you want in a partner. She isn’t any more competitive/opportunistic/calculative than an IB/PE guy would be outside of work in a relationship. We all wear some sort of armour to work every day and take it off when we get home at night or spend time with friends/loved ones.
From my observations, guys who have "power couple" fantasies generally seem low-testosterone and hide behind the "oh she understands my work schedule" excuse. At the end of the day, girls in finance tend to be (not always) type A, competitive, neurotic, aggressive, low-empathy etc and these are not traits that make a woman attractive. Some others have pointed this out as well but lets be realistic. Your girl will subconsciously not respect you until you are perceived as "better" than her so your relationship dynamics will be off. It's the sad reality but it is what it is and we should be honest about that
This isn’t how the dynamics of mature relationships work. You sound insecure if you think a woman will only respect you if you are “better” than her. This sounds like you are fearful of dating a woman who is actually able to do the job that you do. You are calling them competitive, aggressive, neurotic, etc because they make you question your abilities. You’re worried about feeling less than in comparison. You got it wrong. The guys who are dating smart, high performing women are likely men with self-confidence and a strong sense of self. They want a partner who is an equal.
Edit: you have obviously not dated as an analyst if you don’t understand the pain of dating a girl who gets pissed because of your schedule. It’s inevitable
Sorry man, but this is a cope - women do not want an "equal partner". Has nothing to do with insecurity or self-confidence, its just the way it is. The fact of the matter is that your girl subconsciously won't respect you until she views you as better than her. As an example, think about the hyper successful men in the world. Who do they date? Now think about the successful women in the world - who do they ATTEMPT to date? A female doctor is not going after a male nurse, but vice versa is quite common
There is no right answer. The right guy for you will find your profession and work ethic attractive, whether they’re in IB/PE or not. However there are some fragile egos among men in IB/PE who undoubtedly will gravitate away from dating women who could challenge them intellectually.
Stigmas and stereotypes do exist but they’re not universally applicable so don’t let that stop you from playing the field
Guys in general don't care about a woman's job ability to provide income, especially those in IB who are in the top 1% and making money. Women are the ones who care about income. The only deal breaker jobs are OF or porn. The main issues that come with women in high finance are that they are often competitive, masculine, dominant, and generally have type A personality. These traits don't generally lend themselves to a good relationship dynamic.
Guys want a girl that is sweet, feminine, and agreeable. They don't want a girl who's stressed and working a bunch while they are grinding too. That being said, it's still possible for a women to be in a high earning career and feminine. In those cases, the guy probably doesn't mind having the girl who makes more money. However, guys would take a starbucks barista who's sweet and agreeable over a high earning girl who's a "boss bitch."
I think the real question is would a woman in IB want a guy in the same position as them? Hypergamy is a very real thing. Women love men who make more and are more accomplished than them. A girl IB analyst probably wants a VP/MD, HF PM, doctor, lawyer, or PE MD. Most probably don't want some guy IB analyst.