Dating a girl in banking

No

You aren’t going to get a good answer on this, especially when considering the demographics of this forum. 

It’s a personal decision. Some people want a partner who has a lower stress job, some want no job, and some appreciate the work ethic, etc. required for such a demanding job (and the comp that comes with it). But before you even get to any of that, for some people it isn’t an important factor (although things like being driven, etc can be related to demanding jobs). So it’s a crapshoot. 

If you want data points, I’m married to a senior finance professional. We both have demanding jobs and the job wasn’t what attracted me to her (although again some attributes are related). 

Who cares?  Like the above poster said, people are different.  Stop putting your job on a pedestal that requires some perceived extra consideration or sensitivity.

Currently going into IB, my girlfriend is going into PE (I'm a man). We both like the ability to speak about our career fields with each other and we never have to explain anything to each other when talking about finance. My girlfriend does joke often that she wouldn't want me to be in the exact same field of finance as her, which would be fine bc I'm not interested in PE as an asset class anyways. I can see how that might make comparing your career to each other a tension point in the relationship, but imo, if the relationship is good, shouldn't be an issue.

Biggest issue is probably going to be time as we will both have busy schedules. Finding time for each other is hard, and when I see couples I know who have already graduated and are both in finance, I wonder how they do it.

I don't think any of the guys in my class are outright against it. At least two have been on dates with girls at other banks.

On the bad side, our already unstable hours become more unstable, making it harder to set up and keep dates that fit both schedules. On the good side, you know more about the job and likely have more sympathy for these time issues. Also, for guys who want the power couple, rather than being the sole (or majority) breadwinner, it's definitely appealing.

I'm not sure how this grows as people get older and look for more steady relationships, would need an associate or above to chime in on that. I don't think any of the married men in my group are with someone who is in finance (closest is a consultant). Possibly having two partners who are both career-oriented doesn't give enough room for a balanced relationship or family to blossom?

Know a couple where guy is a specialist doc and girl is in PE. Pretty sure she makes more than he does.

Becomes harder as you get older and think about families etc. 

Most of the MDs and Ds I know have other halves who work part time or don't at all.

Having two big earners that have busy jobs will always mean any kids are inherently brought up by a Nanny / School. Most couples don't want that for their kids. 

Just my observations. 

Having a gf who makes a lot would be great but the biggest issue is personality and being able to separate work and personal life. No guy wants a girl who brings work stress into their relationship and is very combative.

My friends and I have have had bad experiences dating guys that make less money than us. The power balance seems to inevitably get thrown off as the girl ends up wearing the pants in the relationship and the guy inevitably finds a nit-picky reason to break up with the banker chick, only to start dating a PR girl. If having a "high powered" job or a larger paycheck than your boyfriend means that you're emasculating him ... who are bankers girls supposed to date besides the obvious...other finance types? And - what're peoples' thoughts on this? If you're a guy, could you date a girl that made more money than you? IE - if you were working at a MM bank, how would you feel about your girlfriend working at a BB? Caveat - no, I don't think that someone's salary determines their self worth etc etc etc ..

Wow - firstly, it's WILD to me that a comment thread I started 13 years ago is still going.

Secondly, with those 13 years of experience under my belt and five years into a happy marriage, thought it could be useful to weigh in. My career in finance progressed quite interestingly - I did 2 years at a BB, 3 years at an MM where I left as a very young VP (25) and then went to work for Ken Griffin at C for a few years.  Shortly before going to C, I met my now husband who works at one of the biggest PE funds. I've since made the switch to high growth tech and will likely stay in this industry indefinitely. Some years I make more $$, some years my husband makes more $$ and it doesn't really seem to matter. Neither of us wears the pants in our relationship so to speak and we each take the leads in different parts of our life (he manages our finances as I'm awful at it and does 60% of the housework because I'm awful at that as well, I plan all of our vacations, manage our social life (dinner reservations, rsvps to events, remember birthdays, family relationships, wedding presents etc), do all the grocery shopping and cooking and we sort of trade off on all the rest. I would say he is CFO of our household + housework and I am COO.
 

Now that I'm pregnant with our first, I am choosing to take a step back in my career and taking a lower stress role at a FAANG company so that I can spend a bit more time with our child but it's a move I chose. He would have been perfectly happy for me to continue working 60 hour weeks and for us to just get a lot of childcare but neither of us wanted that.

Sadly though - I do think my initial thoughts from 2008 aren't too inaccurate. Of my group of finance girlfriends - myself and one other were able to find husbands that were comfortable with us being equal partners, everyone else ended up in less optimal situations. The most common outcome was for my successful female friends to marry someone who was materially less successful than them and who now is the stay at home Dad but is also not their intellectual equal (in most cases). They were not able to find equal partnerships. Of my successful male friends - 75% of them married women that were less career oriented and less successful than them as well. 
 

there are men out there who are okay with having a truly equal partnership and who are confident enough in themselves to not care how much their wives make, but they are hard to come by. For any women reading this - it's worth the search, but know that you have to be attractive, nurturing AND successful. I think the reason I ended up in the marriage I did was because I was attractive enough that I could compete with less career oriented women and I am an exceptional cook, which really seemed to help as well. This helped balance out my more aggressive, career focused nature. 

check out this thread from a decade ago by a female banker. Someone ended up reviving the decade old thread and she replied with a life update a decade since she first posted.

https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/female-bankers

I work in PE now but would have no problem with dating a girl in IB / PE and personally would prefer it. Would be nice to have someone who understands the hours/job-specific nuances when you want to get someone you trust's advice. I honestly just don't know where to meet them. I go out pretty often and rarely run into girls who work in finance at bars/pre-games and most I know from school and at the bank I used to work at are in serious relationships coming out of college. Same thing with my coworkers in PE (not that I'm trying to date at work). All of them seem to be ready to get married in 2-3 years to guys they met awhile ago.

I went on a couple dates with a girl in banking, and man, it’s a nightmare. She’s barely available, rarely texts, and seems to always be tired. It sucks because she was cute, smart, funny, ambitious, etc but it’s just such a headache to deal with. 
 

I make enough money myself so I don’t really care much about a woman’s income or anything. 

While dating girls in high work hour white collar professions (doesn't matter if it's banking, could be McKinsey or whatever) isn't for me, I also don't think you should be making major life decisions based on internet message boards either. Take some time to figure out your own values and what you want in a partner.

As someone else suggested before, asking for an opinion on this forum is not a good or productive idea. Every human being is different. You can strive to be better as a person (regardless of jobs - lots of women / men in less demanding jobs bring stress to the relationship because they are shallow / not good partners). Personally my career is very important to me and gives me a lot of satisfaction and I'd never trade it. I am sure 90%+ of the men do not find this attractive and I do not care about it. I'm in PE, my partner is in HF (both stressful) and no kids yet. We have had this discussion and it's not just my job to raise the kids, it's his too. So expecting the mother to raise the kids was never an expectation from him or an offer from me. Whenever we do have children, we will need family / nanny support but it's more likely that he will have more flexibility than I will. My husband respects me a lot and we have never had a discussion on who makes more money. We are both happy because we understand each other's work and demands. Find somebody who likes you for who you are, improves you as a person, and make it work. 

I am dating a girl in IB. We work for the same bank but different groups. It’s honestly the best relationship I have ever been in.  She understands the hours. There is no guilt if my time gets blown up or if I have to bail on plans. She is super smart and understands all the dynamics.  We often have to work late and go home together from the bank. We can meet for dinner or have coffee during the day, so I get to see her a lot. She gets along with everyone in my group and we all hang out after work. We make time to do more couple/dating  stuff on weekends when we both have a bit more free time.   Outside of the work place she is amazing to me, like super kind, fun, supportive. caring, etc. Life is really good dating a girl banker.

Upside: she has no time to cheat

Guys & girls can say all they want about what preferences they have in terms of professions & other traits.  But at the end of the day the spark is either there or it isn't, and nothing much can be done about it in either case.  People are going to act on their emotions with the exception of serious deal-breakers like religion (and even that doesn't stop many people).

OP: he doesn't care what you do at the end of the day, no matter what he says.  He cares how you look and whether you're chill and fun to spend time with.

Sorry I only date cute, vaguely slavic looking art hoes with bangs from Williamsburg. That way I can be super impressed when they show me the latest japanese arthouse criterion collection-adjacent film and they can be super impressed when I tell them what an LBO is (and slowly turn them capitalist little by little using facts and logic)

I do this crazy thing where I date who I like and is most compatible with me, while only screening on level of education (college) and a white collar job.  That has meant I've dated people ranging from PE to my current GF who is an educator (and I'm going to stick with this one).  If you're just looking for the most attractive girls that aren't just looking to date you for financial reasons, forget IB and hang out with the S&T folk.  Some of those ladyfolk are neck-snapping.

hard no. A girl in a BB/MFPE will never consider a guy in a MM bank. Unfortunately, a rs only works if a lady respect her husband. If she’s in IB/PE, as a guy you’d better be as capable if not more than her.

It’s great if she’s hardworking, ambitious and all, but from my personal experience, ladies in IB/PE are more competitive/opportunistic/calculative than say Markets/Consulting.

The traits in IB/PE are antithesis to the femininity I desire in my SO. Of course I am generalizing here, but this is just my observation.

I prefer to date runway models.

When I was an analyst (which was when dinosaurs roamed the earth), I dated a girl who was in the same industry group at a rival bank. We met randomly at a party. I was cool with it, she was super competitive. She’s now a client. Go figure. 

Not to hijack thread, but gf and I are going to be interns together this summer. Any do's/don'ts?

Would not be interested in dating a girl in high finance as I would like my girlfriend to be available whenever I am free from work. I frequently work 90-100 hour weeks and usually have to work at least one day during the weekend. So when I actually do get some time off (Friday nights and one day during the weekend), I don't want my girlfriend to be working because she got crushed on some pitch or live deal. 

At OP, the real answer is...it depends.

I don't think there's a definitive answer on this, because everyone is different. Some guys want a girl who makes a lot of money, some want someone to waits on them hand and foot, some want someone to raise the kids. Really you're just asking about one trait in a relationship. Me, as a man, I know I've dated woman who had very demanding jobs (doctors, lawyers, bankers) and it ended, mainly for more personality reasons; one girl I dated was a doctor, very nice, just hard to get time with her, that was the only think (we kinda had different backgrounds, she came from an extremely wealthy family. We could have worked out, it was just looking at what my life would have been and it would have been different than I thought/planned/wanted). 

General thoughts:

- As always with this forum, too much focus on careers. Just find someone you can get along with. It's great if both you and your bf/gf/husband/wife make a ton of money, but if every relationship thing is a struggle, whats the point. 

- I'd say from experience, the job woman have is less important. For most guys, there are probably other things way more important, just as long as a lady isn't spoiled or demanding. 

- I think everyone likes the idea of a power couple, and that's fine if you want it, just don't take it for more than it is. Name any power couple, and their relationship probably doesn't work like they portray.  

I love intelligent women, sure, but neuroticism seems to be very prevalent in IB girls, and idk if humor, fertility, kindness, and empathy are traits BBs select for, so I'll pass, thank you.

It depends on the individual. My wife and I both worked long hours when we met 18 years ago. It actually made it work as we’d meet up late, and we’re both work focused. 
 

A couple from my analyst class kept it under covers and have been happily married for years. They are both partners in PE now. 
 

It can work, but it’s all about communicating on expectations. 

From my observations, guys who have "power couple" fantasies generally seem low-testosterone and hide behind the "oh she understands my work schedule" excuse. At the end of the day, girls in finance tend to be (not always) type A, competitive, neurotic, aggressive, low-empathy etc and these are not traits that make a woman attractive. Some others have pointed this out as well but lets be realistic. Your girl will subconsciously not respect you until you are perceived as "better" than her so your relationship dynamics will be off. It's the sad reality but it is what it is and we should be honest about that

Could careless what job you do unless you're OF/P*. For me it still comes down to personality and looks. Job has no correlation. 

There is no right answer. The right guy for you will find your profession and work ethic attractive, whether they’re in IB/PE or not. However there are some fragile egos among men in IB/PE who undoubtedly will gravitate away from dating women who could challenge them intellectually. 
 

Stigmas and stereotypes do exist but they’re not universally applicable so don’t let that stop you from playing the field

if she looked like monica bellucci why not

bf and i are getting ready to buy a house.

gf in IB, bf in PE.

we love each other<3

Guys in general don't care about a woman's job ability to provide income, especially those in IB who are in the top 1% and making money. Women are the ones who care about income. The only deal breaker jobs are OF or porn. The main issues that come with women in high finance are that they are often competitive, masculine, dominant, and generally have type A personality. These traits don't generally lend themselves to a good relationship dynamic.

Guys want a girl that is sweet, feminine, and agreeable. They don't want a girl who's stressed and working a bunch while they are grinding too. That being said, it's still possible for a women to be in a high earning career and feminine. In those cases, the guy probably doesn't mind having the girl who makes more money. However, guys would take a starbucks barista who's sweet and agreeable over a high earning girl who's a "boss bitch."

I think the real question is would a woman in IB want a guy in the same position as them? Hypergamy is a very real thing. Women love men who make more and are more accomplished than them. A girl IB analyst probably wants a VP/MD, HF PM, doctor, lawyer, or PE MD. Most probably don't want some guy IB analyst.

Well this thread went to hell real quick. My message at the start was it's probably not for me, but to each their own and you probably shouldn't make major life decisions on internet message boards.

I thought the rest would be common sense but guess this needs to be said: guys, you do NOT need to explain to anyone why you want to date who you want to date. Who I am interested in dating isn't up for debate or even up for discussion. Much has been said last few decades really that people need to respect when a woman says no, and I fully agree 100%.

So, if you're logically consistent, you also need to respect when a man says no. If you're really that emotionally fragile that someone not wanting to date in industry gives you a whole conniption fit, you might want to seek help. Of the attractive women I know who work in finance, none of them have a problem finding a date, and none of them are bothered that I don't want to date in industry. If someone told me they don't like the color blue, I'd say ok fair enough you don't like blue. If someone says they don't like pizza, ok fair enough they don't like pizza.

Grow up, realize people have different views of the world and relationships that you do, and quit wasting your time babbling on about "male fragile egos" when it's really sounding like projection. No attractive girl would care one way or another if a finance guy wants to date a finance girl or not, since she's got plenty of options otherwise.

And guys, stop trying to explain your decision to people who aren't listening in good faith. If your decision is no, then nothing else needs to be said and further questioning is wildly inappropriate.

I'm all about dating a girl who has a comparable income. For one, it maximizes your household income/lifestyle options. But there's also another reason I think about..

My mom works at a spa, it's like therapy for women...they LOVE to go there and vent about all their life problems. They think of it as a safe space. I was shocked to learn from my mom about all the women who openly talk about their extramarital affairs...Granted this is a small sample size and certainly biased to an extent, but regardless it's likely more common than most people realize. Would absolutely suck to be married to someone whose luxurious lifestyle you're fully financing, only to get cucked and have her cheat on your ass down the road. That and take half your shit if you get divorced (divorce laws heavily favor the wife, and still seems a bit taboo to get a prenup). Just my two cents.

So the aspects that make a man desirable make a female undesirable?

(Also, as a relatively innocent undergrad female who sold out pretty early, I have accepted that I will not be finding love or a relationship in the near future.)

The preferences for dating someone in a similar field or a different one vary among individuals in finance, including IB and PE. Some may prefer dating someone within the industry for better understanding of the demanding work hours and common interests. Others might seek partners in different fields to have diverse perspectives and experiences. Ultimately, personal compatibility, mutual respect, and communication matter more than professional backgrounds. It's essential to engage in open dialogues and find someone who values and supports your career while maintaining a healthy work-life balance together.

Just personal experience. In general it's rare to find a girl in this field that doesn't have a chip on their shoulder and think they overcome so much by making it through rigorous diversity recruiting.

They then proceed to think they're better than everyone else and anytime something doesn't go their way, they think it's because they’re a woman. The boss girl attitude is also insufferable (no I'm not "intimidated").

Of course there are exceptions, but this is the reason I generally tend to avoid dating girls in this space.