Fitting In as a first gen
Hi All,
I recently somehow broke into a BB for a summer internship I managed to get the return offer but despite all this I struggle to feel like I fit in.
Most people on my team and other interns I met on other teams all grew up extremely wealthy or at least upper middle class. I’m the complete opposite, my family lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with 5 people in it until a year ago, I went to public school in a bad area, went to community college and then went to a non target (I didn’t even know what a target school was), I’m the first in my family to go to college and get a job like this.
Due to this I kind of struggle relating to the people I’ve met and I feel like I don’t really fit in.
I recall other interns talking about vacation spots in Europe and what car they got when they turned 16, many of them never even worked a job that wasn’t an internship, I struggled to relate to them and fit in.
I’m coming back full time next summer so I would appreciate any tips from others who have similar experiences.
Thanks!
First off, congratulations on getting here - I know it couldn't have been easy. In the exact same boat (albeit slightly different, as I was fortunate enough to receive a full ride to a semi-target surrounded by even wealthier kids). Unfortunately, from my experience, it doesn’t necessarily get easier. You just get better at navigating it.
My biggest advice is to stay true to yourself and your values, and never forget where you came from. Over time, you learn to play along with some of the conversations and social dynamics, but I’d also caution against feeling like you need to constantly explain or emphasize your background. You don’t want to create an unnecessary sense of separation between yourself and your peers.
Keep your head down, continue to outwork everyone, and recognize how fortunate you are to have made it this far. And when you’re in a position to do so, extend those same opportunities to people who come from backgrounds similar to yours.
Good luck!
Honestly just don’t stress - you’re here for a reason and can compete at a very high level. Just work hard, be likeable, make your boss feel good about himself or herself and that’s most of it. Never be ashamed of your background (although don’t emphasize your differences, try to blend in).
Grew up low income, went to a non-target, broke in, and was top bucket analyst 2 years and now successful in PE. Never told anyone i was low income although they could probably infer from where I grew up and went to school. You get used to and can adapt to the environment pretty quick (I grew up on food stamps and now I’m lowkey a food snob lol).
Also if you’re ever out of your league when it comes a conversation topic, like if they’re talking about ski spots in Europe, just smile and say something to pretend to show interest and make them feel good about themselves. It’s not that deep.
lol same grew up on food stamps, and ever since I touched money I became a connoisseur lol
Haha honestly this is the beauty of America. My parents grew up poor in a village and I’m friends with kids who come from wealthy families that are essentially American royalty.
Coming from a similar background, the first thing you should do is stop with that negative self-talk bullshit. Right there at the beginning of the sentence, you said, "I recently somehow broke into bulge bracket." You didn't somehow break in. You broke in because you worked your ass off to get in. Every single word that comes out of your mouth and every single word that you express has a psychological meaning and depth. If you always talk like you're inferior to these people, you're gonna start believing it.
Make that little difference. Never say the word "try." Never say "somehow." Never think of yourself any lower than the people around you. In fact, I would say it's much more impressive that you broke in, given all the disadvantages you had to go through. Good luck, man, and keep working your ass off. It'll pay off.
WSO David Goggins. “Who’s gonna carry the pitch books and the comps”
that genuinely had me giggling
If anything you are likely better than your peers in terms of raw potential and can outperform them if you grind.
Never be ashamed of who you are or where you came from.
But then what about team fit? I worked in an M&A team staffed by Europeans and so, despite the working class background I have, my lack of language skills made me struggle to fit into the junior office cliques.
Would I still be assessed on potential despite my lack of team fit vs other interns who had multiple languages and were non UK? I only have a UG to my name and no double degree from France.
It honestly doesn't matter unless you are white/Asian male. U'll keep your job as MDs have incentive to keep you due to DEI promotion metric.
I dont think he was asking whether or not he would lose his job bro
I grew up slightly lower middle class. Didn't have the same hardships your family did, but very much felt like an outsider compared to people who were "in the know". I'm not even talking about the rich kids, just the upper middle class kids who seemed to go through life with a lower level of stress because their parents have no financial struggles. I actually attended a borderline target (I studied Econ at one of the colleges where the undergrad b-school is a major target). I was weeks from college graduation when I first even heard of i-banking, and obviously didn't become an analyst out of college. Many of my classmates seemed to know the whole Wall St game going into school, and I had no clue even as a college senior.
I tell you this story to tell you, there's a lot of us out there. While your specific circumstance of living as a family of 5 in a one-bedroom is highly unique, the outsider feeling you describe is not unique. I'd say ~30-50% of your analyst class will be able to relate to the feeling of how weird it was that some of their college classmates were all over IB from day 1, while others had no clue.
So that's one bit of good news, you aren't as much of an outsider as you might think.
The other good news is, I think the script flips from here onward. Now that you're in the FT program, you're the one with the inside info: dedication is what counts now. A lot of kids learn that lesson too late . . they made it through the first 22 years of life in a world where checking the right boxes (GPA, extracurriculars, recruiting) equals success. Hitting the desk can be their first time experiencing a world where it's all about who grinds and performs. But you know hard work from the beginning, so just keep that up and be confident that there's no inner game you're missing. By VP level it can become somewhat about polish and social graces, but until then, no.
Read Streetwise by Lloyd Blankfein.
lmao when you feel out of place dont enter the room. Conforming to survive is submission. Look at history (Stalin, Napoleon, Rockefeller) men like that shape the room to fit them not the other way around. It might take extra time but best thing you can do is do something else than trying to fit in. Do something else if you clearly are able to get an ib offer as a first gen kid you are clearly cut out for something way bigger. Its sad how everyone on this thread is telling you to conform and fit in and this is a great job or industry. No this is just conformity. its why in 5-10 years from now you will forget who you really are. The sheer fact you are going online to ask how to fit in is problematic and shows herd mentality. Like if you are able to land a bb with no resources you can build a very successful company or makes lots of money as well with that same mindset. But societal pressure or your insecurities and risk adversion will cap you. Congrats regardless
Literally this. IB and all this BS is just a job and ppl who say otherwise r coping.
If u sell ur labor to make a living you’re no different from any other employee; there’s nothing marquee or elite about banking, it’s all just a farce for the client that might actually be “elite”.
OP should just chill out and be themselves and work hard tbh and not be psyched by all the hardos trying to fit in and show off how great their life is
Last thing op needs to hear is that he needs to get on his sigma male grindset
Either way OP is gonna be insecure and feel out of place the only main way to eliminate his insecurity is by shaping a room. If he goes and does ib he will definitely began to cope hard or try to do whatever to be liked and get validation. Even his whole job is about being likeable. When your livelihood is tied to ass kissing and you are already insecure and lost. You will never gain clarity. Many people here are missing this. They only justify their self worth by their titles or how much money they make or have or how others view them. Which in the end is hollow since it never leads to truly the pursuit of one’s true self
Totally agree with this. Life is just a reflection of what you think. If you think you are a man like Stalin or napoleon. You will naturally over time have the world reflect it. It won’t be easy but it can be done. Too many people today don’t have the patience required to really become like them they fold at the hard part. In order to really feel important or like they are moving correctly they do 80-100 hours which blinds them to the fact they aren’t doing anything life changing and are a cog in someone else’s machine. Even startups are the same way you are a cog in the machine. Best thing prob is taking time to reflect and figure out but no one does they just do what’s easy and chase clout to justify meaning
Same boat just as you mate. Interned in IB this summer (no RO - all good). You just live on and accept the fact that you have grown tremendously as a person than those wealthy kids. I think you will do amazing and people will get along with you.
From my perspective, my cousins were born in US they get to travel to Europe and go to lavish spots twice a year and live in big houses. They did not really go through as much hardship as I did and yet their life is very easy mode for them thanks to their parents. I compare myself a lot to them but I realized that it's not worth it and everyone's life is different. There's a reason why people love Spiderman because he is an ordinary man with extraordinary gifts than other superheroes - if that analogy makes sense.
99% of them will be out of this industry in max. 5 years, so doesn't matter
There are a lot more of us in the business than you think, homie. From a very atypical background here as well, and 10+ years your senior. Stay sharp, keep working hard, and ignore any bs. The underdog mentality is powerful fuel. Now I’m raising my kids in a zipcode I could’ve never sniffed as a kid, in a nice house that I own - the first time I’ve ever lived in something that wasn’t a rental.
Super inspiring - massive congrats!
Just don’t share personal details about your life and make up family anecdotes. No need to let everyone know you grew up in the gutter.
God, I swear rich and privileged folks are the most oppressed and misunderstood people on earth at the moment. Can't any of you just have some empathy for them?!
Yeah, facts, unlike us FGLIs, they do NOT get need-based financial aid at the top American colleges and their families have to pay the full tuition, as well as COL, out of pocket.
Also, a lot of their parents attended their alma maters, so they have lots to live up to.
Furthermore, they attended prep schools their whole lives (where their families paid full sticker price), where competition was fierce, unlike us FGLIs, who mostly attended run-down public schools and community colleges, where competition was nonexistent that we had an absolute advantage over them in elite college admissions.
Oh, and unlike us FGLIs, they did not have to do work-study while attending college, and have not worked odd jobs in their life before, so they do not have grit.
My heart goes out to those poor, poor things.
Oh wait, they're rich...
Yeah, but they're still oppressed and misunderstood.
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