How do I get along with the male other analysts in my group?

Here is the issue, you don't want to be friends. You just want to connect with them for social events because you feel left out. If you don't want to friends or even best friends, there is no reason to be invited to anything. Not to lie, do you hang out with people who aren't your friends or close to? Why would they want to invite you when you basically made a statement that you aren't willing to be friends, you just want to connect but that isn't enough.

You are not a man don't try to be one. What do you think usually makes guys want to be friends with girls ?

We have a girl at our office who fits in great. She's outgoing / friendly and has some overlapping interests with the guys.

The trick is to take an interest in the things they are interested in. You don't have to be sports guru to talk about your city's or your college's basketball team - just know what's going on. Get in on the March Madness bracket that your office will inevitably do, do a little reading on ESPN, and next thing you know you'll have conversation pieces for an entire month.

Also, say you're in a bracket with your family / friends so it doesn't look like you're taking an interest in basketball just for their sake. Better yet, you should actually do a bracket with your family or friends. Ask one of your guy friends from college to get in on one

Is there one guy among the group that it's a little easier to get to know? Like one of them is more approachable? I would focus the energy there. Build trust with one of them somehow and then it becomes easier to get in with the rest of them.

We have two girls in my office, both get along with the guys but one is invited to the ‘boys’ events/outings more often because she’s more open-minded and happy to indulge in ‘boys discussions’ without putting them down or having that #metoo/feminist/environmental or whatever attitude that’s just quite frankly annoying.

I never would worry about inviting a girl if I know having her doesn’t break that ‘safe-space’ bubble where I can still talk about pretty much everything I would if only the guys were there.

Hey, fellow girl here. I think you are doing great, don’t sweat it. You don’t need to be their best friend, and the worse you could do would be to force things and pressure them as well as yourself. It is ok to be an introvert. As a fellow introvert, I find that it hasn’t hurt my network at all. In fact, you may not have the largest network but you can build meaningful relationships based on respect and empathy. Try to be a team player and a good listener, to help when you can, to genuinely be interested in others and generally have a positive outlook when in the office. You don’t need to fake a passion for ESPN, fantasy football etc., stay true to yourself. With time, they will let you in. The worse you could do would be coming across as inauthentic, panicked or hateful because (and I agree it is unfair) as a female in a male-dominated field, being left out of the boys’ club can hurt.

Some quick thoughts:

1. I think you are putting far too much pressure on the concept of "best friends". You can be friends, or at least social acquaintances, without having to spend a ton of time together

2. If you want to engage with them, be proactive and ask if they want to grab happy hour, run and pick up dinner, etc. It doesn't have to be a hang out during the limited hours you have off. They may sense that you aren't interested in being their friend and if you are more receptive to hanging out, even if only during working hours, you will become more part of the social construct

3. They can respect you for your work, but if you aren't friendly and engaging in terms of conversation, it's hard for them to ever want to invite you to events

4. I disagree a little with the premise that you need to adopt or embrace their interests in order to be social with them. As a person of a similar age, you don't need to start talking sports if that isn't your thing. You just need to try and be more outgoing and show that you want to be included in whatever the group is doing.

I'm obviously not speaking from experience and I'm sure it's not easy being a female in a male-dominated profession, but you can help bridge the perceived gap between you and them with some of the above.

I think you don't need to be friends, but rather try to develop some helpfulness / skills that you can do in the office that make you indispensable to the team. This, plus being approachable and nice will be how you rise.

A lot of interesting points here. OP - How much do you talk to people in the office about non work stuff. Simple stuff on a Monday morning or Friday afternoon like: How was the weekend or what are your plans? If you hear someone mutter some complaint about work, you can ask like one question about it, let that person vent and give them a whole "go get em, I feel the pain" kind of thing.

Literally 1-2 questions. Nod, listen (or pretend to), and then say something like "cool, hang in there buddy" or "have fun!" or whatever. You can even script it out. Banking is rife with awkward people so no need to sweat it.

I am sure this will increase the chances of others asking about you and then maybe inviting you out. If they do, you should totally go. Even if its just for one drink. Smile, say hi, be pleasant and then go home because "you don't drink much" or "have work" or whatever.

Covering for people? Worth doing but not habitually because then everyone may take advantage of it, you may not get credit and despite working hard you may get passed over for raises/promotions etc (because that NEVER happens to women and minorities, right?). That said, as people like and get to know you, they will help and cover for you too and that's important. Give and take.

These kinds of social things are really important, not just now but in the future as people's career paths diverge. That network will be a potentially huge one and something that is useful. Play the long game.

Good Luck

I’m surprised no one has mentioned this but we (we as in us men) have a huge spectrum of interests from sports, movies, T.V., art, books, comedy shows, theatre, interesting articles on web from a range of topics from like psychology to sociology, to economics etc etc.

So I get that you aren’t into sports and I agree with most posters in saying don’t fake being a fan of a sports team and waste your time reading espn.com if that isn’t your thing. People will see through it and you just come off as disingenuous. I actually cringe when a non-sports fan (either man or woman) spouts off some random fact or stat that is kinda right, but kinda out of plac at the same time.

Find one of the things above that you have in common your co-workers and talk about that. A huge thing that I easily can find in common with someone is what T.V. Shows we like or movie we like in common. Before it ended, I could talk about GOT ad naseum with a bed post or even a show like grey’s anatomy. I don’t know single person that doesn’t enjoy movies. How about a book you are reading or have read in the past. An interesting article you read about psychology or social behaviours. A topic o major event that’s going on the world. You didn’t grow up in the States so maybe share your thoughts on differences between what’s going in the tates to where you grew up. Maybe you are into art and like to go to the Chelsea galleries on Thursday or you go to the Met one the weekends. Guys are not one dimensional where all we do is grunt, watch sports, and eat giant turkey legs for dinner. There are so many topics/interests we enjoy but the only way to find out is to talk to them about their interests over a coffee.

It just sounds like you don’t know your colleagues at all and the key is just get to know them.

I think from what I've seen, the most important answers are already in this thread: - You're in a male dominated industry. If you want to be "in", you can't make anyone feel threatened. Guys want to bro out. If they trust that they can bro out with you / that they're still in a safe space when you're around, you've mostly solved the gender problem. - In the vein of bro-ing out, office romance = completely off limits. If a girl flirts, it changes the dynamic. It opens the game / defines the lines that then can't be recrossed. - Add value in at least some way. In any close group of people, everyone has their "thing" that they add to the group by being themselves. Be yourself, and contribute - if it's interesting perspectives on literature, work-politics advice, or whatever, just add something. - Make sure you're professionally respected. If you're working in banking, and you're a toxic asset professionally, it's unlikely anyone will want to be near you regardless of gender. On the flipside, if you're good, people will want to be near you regardless of gender. - Let them get to know you. Ideally in a way that makes you at least somewhat vulnerable. Trust begets trust.

We have a girl in my office that doesn't sound that different than you. She was at one point the only female analyst (and later 1 of 2). Highly introverted. Doesn't drink much or get fucked up. She is my best friend at the office, even though we're not on the same team anymore + has friends throughout the office. Her process: 1. Go out to lunch with the other analysts - initially in groups, and then 1:1s. 2. Be a really good analyst and open to helping with everything however possible. 3. Be fun and interesting at work drinks. Her first analyst drinks, we heard about her drug-fueled orgy experience in college. I've never heard anything about her sex life again. But, once you hear that, and you know the topic is open if you want to go there, as a guy you don't feel unsafe. 4. Be the person who everyone can come to with their work problems. She reads politics, and can coach people through. 5. Open the door to life outside of work. She invited the other analysts out with her college friends. We've invited her out with our college friends. Even if everyone is different, smart people tend to be friends with smart people, and like hanging out with other smart people.