How to Leave GF Amicably?
I recently graduated and will soon begin my full-time role in investment banking. I currently have a girlfriend whom I met in college, but given that I graduated a year early and that she is a year younger than me, there will be roughly two years before she graduates. She will be in Cambridge, Mass and I will be in NYC.
She is a great girlfriend, but she is fairly needy. While in college, I was able to give her the attention and time she wanted. However, I suspect that once I begin working, I will not be able to be as good of a partner as I currently am.
The issue is that I think if I explain the situation to her, she will initially say she understands and is willing to make it work. But over time, I suspect the reality of IB hours, distance, and limited availability will wear on her and eventually create resentment or constant frustration.
I am trying to figure out whether it is better to end things now before starting work, or attempt to make it work and risk dragging things out for both of us. Has anyone here dealt with a similar situation coming out of college into banking? How did you handle the conversation?
So she goes to harvard or mit? If so just keep her around and use her for sex obviously!
and she keeps you around for your money
I mean it’s probably gonna happen anyways - literally everyone ik who was in a relationship before ib has broken up lol
Probably some scrubs imo. I kept my gf to this day but she is a cum doll basically.
no shot this gf is real lmao
insane sentence
cannon type talk. totally real
Fuck is wrong with you dude. Guessing you don’t have any sisters or did your mom abandon you?
He's telling the truth guys, she's real see.
Someone has been spending too much time on the Hub and is confusing pixels on a screen w/ reality...
I fucking hate working around you pricks
Not necessarily. My wife lives in Europe while I’m in West Coast. But she's doing PE, so she's staying busy which helps.
From the guy who hasn't done IB yet.
Would ignore the incel comments above and try and give it a shot honestly. If you guys end up going your separate ways then that’s that, but the dating scene only becomes more difficult after college (less applicable to NYC but still). If you’ve been together a while and don’t see anything wrong with her, I’d say see how it goes.
Call it incel if you want. You're missing the point.
Sex is why people stay, leave, cheat, grind 100 hours a week, chase Stanford, chase IB, do startups all of it. The prestige, the money, the status. It's all mating currency. Pretending otherwise is naive.
I didn't do IB. I went to Stanford and built a startup. And I'm telling you from experience: everything routes back to reproduction. Once you accept that, you stop lying to yourself about why you really want what you want.
OP can take my advice or not. Either way, I'm not the one crying about dating after college
bro is literally barney stinson
incel
what is in the air in stanford that none of its undergrads are normal people
I must say this is a stupid take
Robert California type shi
What an incredibly weird thing to say. And also doesn't make sense, spending 85 hours a week in an office for banking does not maximize your social life obviously. Money and social life is correlated but not always aligned
funny af but what a retarded take. this has to be a troll comment
I didn't think it was incel before, but def now.
show her whiplash, she'll understand
You’re asking people who can’t even leave a job that gives them heart failure
You should probably try to make it work before throwing in the towel just because.
College is the last time in your life where women generally love you for you.
Things get a lot more transactional and judgmental post-grad. Becomes harder year after year to find the same type of love.
I tried to make it work with my younger gf after I graduated, but being across the country from each other was ultimately too difficult to maintain. I don’t regret trying though.
Is this a real relationship or not? If the latter, rip the bandaid off and be done with it. If there is actual potential, you need to think long and hard about this. I’m a decade+ older than you but met my wife when we were seniors in college. I still have a few single friends left and the way they describe modern dating sounds absolutely awful.
Honestly kudos to you for thinking ahead - I’ll be blunt - no gf’s in the analyst years, it’s better that way and you really gotta focus on your career
Lmao you found a girl in Harvard/MIT, that I assume is pretty enough for you to date her, actually cares about spending time with you, likely willing to try and make it work, is only a couple hours commute from NYC, and you want to throw that away for more IB hours sucking your MD off? Good god what is wrong with people.
Yeah you can find someone in NYC, but let me tell you, the chances off finding anything as genuine or as real as something you find in college is basically zero. Cherish it.
100% can confirm. Gets tougher out there, just look at your VPs and above
Can confirm. I think my life would have turned out better if I didn't focus on IB and was more open to youthful love - had a few shots but I was more keen to lock down an offer and not commit.
Relationships in your late 20s will be much more money/status centric and you'll wonder if she's with you for the stability, especially so if she's not as wealthy or high earning as you are.
I graduated a year before my wife and we were ~1hr apart. Been together over a decade now, married for 4+. I say give it a shot and then if it doesn't work out then cut loose.
Went into IB with the same concerns you do. My girl and I are getting married this summer. Don’t throw something away over a hunch, see if it’ll work out !
Well, there is more to what you said. I respect your decision, makes no sense to settle for less when NYC churn out much better girls.
I mean, text her or be a gentleman and do it via the phone. But, you know you can just keep her as a FWB for sometime before you move on
OP. This guy does not pull at all.
Can confirm
Not convinced many of these commenters have actually been with a girl they loved lmao. It's a simple as do you actually love her an want to have a future with her. If you do, then you will make it work. If not, then you won't. Really you should be letting your heart guide your decision instead of a bunch of interesting critters on an investment banking forum.
It feels like you really want to break up with her and are using IB as an excuse.
propose threesome
either she agrees or you break up win-win
Don’t preemptively do this. I almost did the same thing when I was an analyst and it would have been a mistake.
you guys still together?
Yes and more importantly both happy
So the stereotypes on finance bros are very true...
Lets start with the most important question, what does your gut tell you? Do YOU think you should stay with her? Do you have conversations about marriage, do you think she's the one? If yes, even if you aren't completely sure, I'd recommend giving it a shot.
You are entering adulthood, so now is a good time to start practicing adult conversations. Tell her that you would like to make it work, but that you will have limited time to spend with her. Ask her what she wants, and go from there.
If she is down to try and make it work, awesome. But don't end a relationship over a potential problem before it actually comes to fruition.
If you give it a shot because she promises you she can work with less of your time, and she ends up not fulfilling her end of the bargain, it may be best to part ways. But I don't think you'll ever kick yourself for trying to make it work. Based on your description and where she goes to school, sounds like she makes you happy and is intelligent, which are two of the bigger boxes to check for wife material.
Other folks may paint a picture of life being sunshine and gravy being single in NYC. For some, it absolutely is, but usually not for bankers. A lot of bankers are not the studs pulling dimes left and right in NYC, they're the over anxious stressed out goobers who go out to a club 1-2 nights a week to a table full of all dudes. Yes, there are bottles, but no there is not a plethora of beautiful women. Yes there are the bankers that are also former D1 athletes that played lax and basketball that have game and do very well for themselves, but 75% of the bankers I know have limited game. Maybe you're a stud who is itching to be single again, but based on your career path, the math says being single might not exactly be comparable to that of Brad Pitt, but more so like that of Michael Burry.
This thread is frying me lmao
Hey man, I'd say definitely stick it out. I'm not in your position yet, but my girlfriend has personally done so much for me and has always been there when I needed her, even when things got busy. I'm not in the IB space yet but we've had times where we've been super slammed with stuff and we wouldn't be able to see each other for days on end. We had fights here and there but we still worked it out and I'm incredibly grateful that they did. If you think that the strain will test your relationship, definitely talk it out with her and communicate that clearly, if she's really the one for you I'd say power it through and always make sure to communicate. Having someone that's always supporting you and there when things get hard is something money can never buy.
Wishing you the best of luck man, hope all things go well.
Watch the Family Man
barclays
bro these comments got me dying lmao
Back when we were dating, my (now) wife said “yes” to my proposal when I made $60K as an accountant in New York. Now that I have real money and relative success, knowing that I found someone who loves me for who I am, and not for our lifestyle, gives me unique comfort and safety in our relationship. If I quit or was fired tomorrow, needed to sell our house and get rid of cars, she’d love me all the same. Before pulling the trigger and breaking up, do some deep thinking and have some hard talks with the GF. If what you have is real, don’t undervalue it for the sake of a little more “focus” during your analyst years. They don’t matter much anyway.
The overwhelmingly obvious take from this thread is that WSO and the banking community are full of prestige-hungry incels (not talking about OP)
The vast majority of these comments absolutely check out and they are absolutely 100% wrong. As a few people have said (and as another person engaged to their uni girlfriend), you absolutely should look to keep the relationship because it is absolutely the most genuine relationship you will have. Nothing once you start in IB will be anywhere near as good and the dating scene is so transactional, which is also a massive drag.
I went to HBS and I won't even consider someone unless they went to a top school
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