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Career Resources
My MD once missed the birth of his child to continue working on a deal. He’s divorced and balding now, but at least he’s rich right!
Married to the deal.
One time my MD spent five months asking me, everyday, to build slightly different versions of the same model so we could "dig deeper" and "deep dive in" to the numbers. I'm not talking about simple, revenue growth, customer churn, margin expansion type of analyses. I'm talking shit that is WAY out in the deep end. "Hey X, let's run a full regression analysis of mid-cap SPAC acquisition returns according to these 7 variables" when we aren't even running a SPAC deal. We went deep into analysis paralysis.
After a 7 month process of preparing to go to market, we finally gathered up the courage to launch the deal. First investor call, the investor asks my MD a simple question: "What has the company's historic revenue growth been?" He fucking chokes. I spent 7 fucking months doing ridiculous, hypothetical fucking regression and other obtuse analyses for this guy, just so he can fail the fuck out of doing his part and not even be able to explain something as simple as top line revenue growth after asking for 7 months worth of bespoke analyses. The best part is now I get to go back to the salt mines to correct his stupid fucking mistake. Now I have the pleasure of creating a supplemental, 20 page slide deck, focused solely on financial analysis, because MD can't be trusted to lift a fucking finger and explain a simple concept to investors (his job) without fucking it up and the rest of us having to cover for it.
Man, my MD kicks ass!@!@!
salt mines lmfao. this story is great
Exact same story except mine spat out a revenue number that was not even in the ballpark of reality.
Frank Quattrone doing a few months in the slammer and keeping it solid was pretty badass. Dude took the wrap like a G and kept it moving. Qatalyst is a giant revenge tour and Frank Quattrone is grudge f***ing the entire Tech M&A market. Look at how much he got Adobe to shell out for Figma. Sheesh!
Did Frank Quattrone write this?
Yeah, it's all in his new autobiography "Frank Quattrone: The Man Grudge Fucking the Entire Tech M&A Market"
Fuck I have the absolute best story of an MD covering for a SVP who got a little too happy with his corporate card during a DD trip in Denver, but I have been sworn to secrecy.
Edit: Damn, now I'm definitely not telling yall. Matter of fact, it's such a sick story that I'm laughing about it right now. Sooooo funny ahhhhh ya that's good stuff, total euphoria. Man, I really wish everyone else could share in the joy and humor of this story, you guys would really love it. But it's all for me. Because it's my story. MINE! You can't fucking having it!!!!
After someone tipped my MD less than a grand, he pulled him out in front of everyone to berate him for not understanding traditional banking courtesy. Nobody tipped under $1500 the next year.
I wouldn’t call this badass. In fact, I’d call it pathetic.
That MD is making 100x what the kid is. Not to mention he’s probably 30/40 years older. Immature and stupid, kid breaks his back for the MD.
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/tipping-md-in-2022
Stereotypical single MD covering a very consumer / media oriented space, in decent shape still and looks 30 despite being 40+. His coverage means he is close to all the big agents in Hollywood, goes to Cannes, premieres in LA etc, does half his business partying on yachts and has a rotation of models he's dating... quite a life
President of my IB division at training telling us about how he’s missed things like his kids’ birthdays, weddings of close friends and family, and other significant life events for the job.
Worse part was his delivery and demeanor was in such a way that he was proud of it. Pretty pathetic IMO.
JPM?
Negative. MM
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