Not sure how many of y'all can relate / have a similar understanding… but I'm just over a year into my career and already so lost about my future. I'm well aware this is a first-world problem, but here we go:
The good: I am an incredibly hard worker (great grades, held numerous leadership positions, merited numerous scholarships, etc). I am also well-liked and am often referred to as a "people person"
The bad: I have a very, very bad verbal and auditory processing disability that I've had my whole life. In layman's terms, I'm terrible at paying attention and I take a long time to get tasks done. Thanks to extended time testing accommodations, I've overcome this challenge in HS, college, and even early in my career with the Series exams.
Fast forward, and I've barely made it out alive in my first year of my career. I'm well-liked by my colleagues, but my performance has warranted me a bottom-bucket bonus. I repeatedly get complaints regarding speed, consistency, and ability to pay attention in meetings. Now that I no longer have the support of "Center for Students with Disabilities," I'm worried sick that this new reality for me is only the beginning…
To clarify:
-My (large) firm does NOT know about my disability. In a perfect world, I could comfortably tell them, and they'd appreciate the context. But in reality, this would likely backfire and lead to my termination for either 1) "lying" about my disability status, or 2) giving them grounds to replace me with someone who CAN work quicker and pay better attention, thereby allowing the firm to generate fees more "efficiently" or whatever
-While I've been looking for an adderall prescription, I'm worried that it won't be a "true" long-term solution
-This year has left me lost, discouraged, and feeling like a "failure"- I worked so hard to get here, and now this is all crashing down on me. I have no idea what to do with my life now…Any feedback helps. Thanks ❤️
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