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October 31, 2026
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“I closed the deal for Project [insert project name]”.
My favorite comment from incompetent associate and VP / staffer "Are you done yet" when they know exactly what you're working on and randomly changed an internal deadline of their own. Then you say "No, I am done with the first pass, but I have to tie the numbers and check" and then they tell you they'll check and throw you under the bus in front of the MD.
Oh so true
Sneaking suspicion this is the case in question.
This. "I need a back-of-the-napkin number in 5 minutes" later that day "why doesn't this number tie exactly to this other detailed full-length analysis?"
This is so real - I can't even. Then you're told that you don't take "ownership" of your work.
"Yeah, you know, super high-level, 80,000 feet, give me the forest, not the trees."
I normally hate that vineyard but their 2009 vintage was quite good.
Severely underrated comment. That's hilarious
MD to Company: "There is robust demand for this bond offering, we should consider upsizing." Me to MD: "Do you think upsizing this bond offering on the fly will impact credit rating? Maybe we should ask our ratings agency guy what he thinks." MD to Me: STFU
We upsize bond offering.
S&P Credit Analyst: "Credit outlook negative."
Most accurate use of this lol
lmao
Was a public company. Was not a good look for them actually.
Don't disagree with this... But we don't get paid on ratings.
For sure, but now in all future committee the probability of new business is lower. I can assure you that we did not win even more confidence of the management team.
MD of muted conference call with another MD at different bank: "This guy is a f***ing idiot"
plays candy crush on phone while other MD is talking
Other MD: [end with] "What do you think about that idea?"
MD: "ugh shit" unmutes "Yeah, sounds good why don't you have your team take first stab and send us what you got" mutes [to team] "What the f*** was he talking about? I was not paying attention at all"
Other MD: "alright, sound good we'll get that to you first thing tomorrow"
Poor analysts...
VP: "Why did they fire that first-year analyst in your group?"
Associate: "We could not understand why none of his columns of numbers in Excel summed correctly until they checked and realized that he was inputting the amounts as labels and apparently even simple arithmetic was beyond his abilities."
Omg can't believe this actually happened. Was this a BB?
Yes. Long time ago hire at a non-target school.
So are you hiring?
I don't understand. How do you fuck up inputting values in excel? Like he didn't know how to use it at all?
guessing he was making a financial statement dynamic or something of the sort. Pretty absurd
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