NYC is Paradise

While watching The Wolf of Wallstreet for the first time in your parent's basement at the age of 16 with your friends Chad and Brad, your eyes light up in excitement. Something about Jordan Belfort's lifestyle just "clicked" with you. After a quick google search, you find that the highest paying job on Wall Street is investment banking. While you do not know what that means yet, you tell your other friend Jeremy that you will commit your life to pursuing such a career. You know that Mr. Belfort is awaiting you at the top.

Flash forward to junior year of high school, and you begin researching which university would give you the best chance at working as an investment banker. After perusing several posts on Wall Street Oasis, you find that getting into an Ivy League school would give you the best odds. You begin cramming for the SAT you have scheduled next month, hoping that a good score will make up for your 3.42 GPA. You sleep well knowing this is your ticket to the big leagues.

One month later, you have taken the SAT and received your results - a 1250. You google "Can I get into an Ivy League school with a 1250 SAT score?" You are devasted to learn the average SAT score at even the lowest Ivy (Cornell) is 1480. As tears run down your face, you author a post on Wall Street Oasis "What is the best non-ivy league school for investment banking?" Immediately, you receive a reply from "Prospect in IB" - "IUKelley is very underrated, it sends dozens of students to top BBs/EBs each year". Several replies dispute this claim, however they get flooded with MS. You feel a grin slide over your face, knowing that your destiny remains intact.

You apply to IU Kelley, and you get in. You feel the prestige fill your veins, knowing that your life will soon resemble Jordan Belfort's. You always knew you were destined for more than your peers. Hey, maybe one day they will even make a movie about you? Flash forward to the spring semester of your sophomore year, and you begin applying for summer internships. Fortunately, through the guidance of your friends in the investment banking workshop (Brad, Lad, Chad, and Thad) you already have 2 internships under your belt. In interviews, you proudly reminisce about your time "on the buyside" (5 and a half week unpaid internship at a search fund). Your interviewers seem to be impressed, and you land an offer at a top EB (EVR/FTP/CVP). 

12 months later, you begin searching for apartments in NYC. You are giddy with excitement, knowing that you will be following in the footsteps of the brightest minds this industry has ever known. You settle on a 500 sq ft 1 bedroom apartment in Manhattan for $8,700 a month. "Score" you think. With your firm's recent base salary increase (top of street btw), this does not bother you.

June rolls around, and you finally arrive at the promise land. However you feel as though something is awry. There are thousands of homeless people on every street. One person even came up and spit in your face, screaming obscenities. You look to your left and see at least half a dozen rats scurrying down the sidewalk. You look to your right and see 18 trash bags littered on the ground, with people picking out food from them. After a brief sense of discomfort, you are assuaged by the fact that you will soon be joining the ranks of the most elite investment bank (GS/MS/FTP). As you check into your apartment for the first time, you immediately see a cockroach on the countertop. You shudder in discomfort. You also begin to notice that your building has an overwhelming stench of cigarette smoke. "It could be worse", you think. "I could be at a tier 3 city like Charlotte". You chuckle to yourself, thinking about how your friend Chad signed an offer with Wells Fargo. "Some people are just not cut out for the big leagues" you think, as your grin widens.

Several weeks later, you decide to call Chad and ask about how his summer has been going. You condescendingly ask if he feels disappointed he had to settle for a low-tier city, a question in which you can't help but giggle while asking. He replies "I've really enjoyed my time in Charlotte so far. One thing that surprised me was the cost of living. My apartment costs me only $900 a month, while my firm's compensation is street." You feel a sense of rage wash over you. You decide to get some fresh air and go for a walk, yet are immediately confronted by a homeless man wielding a machete, who begins chasing you. You run in the opposite direction attempting to flee, yet trip over a 25 pound rat on the sidewalk. NYC is paradise.