Parents want me to use their contacts... it's making me feel weird
My parents know someone who used to work at the bank that I'll be working at this summer (I start in 2 weeks!). They conveniently only remembered this AFTER I finished recruiting last year, and are now trying to get me to "use their connection" to get to know the team better. I already went down, met the team, etc. and and am trying to get settled in and focused on doing a good job, and they keep pushing me to get this guy to "introduce me to the team" (despite the fact that I already met the team? And start in 2 weeks? And he hasn't worked there in 10 years?). I also don't think he thinks very highly of me (I coffee chatted him when I signed and he told me "you're probably a diversity hire, that desk has a diversity problem" 💀💀💀).
Obviously don't want to sound ungrateful, but I don't really know this guy? He doesn't know me either, so not sure what my parents expect me to get out of his introduction (they don't work in finance, and keep saying that he'll "set up an event like drinks where I get to meet the whole team" ...how & why would he do that). They keep telling me I'm being arrogant and think I know too much by trying not to take his help but every time I email him, he ghosts me and doesn't respond until my dad texts him asking him to respond. Is there any value to trying to get his "introduction"? I honestly don't want to deal with an event where I meet the whole team that's ghost organized by my parents, especially since I'm an adult, and I'll be getting to work with them over the next 10 weeks? However, this dude has finally responded, asking for who I'll be working for this summer; me ghosting him is not an option. How do I handle this?
also fully aware this sounds insane, the situation alone is making me feel crazy
Bro what? Thats insane. And thank god my family stays out of my career. if I were you, I would just ghost him cuz why not. He was being a POS to you before. Getting along with the CURRENT team matters way more. The fact that he commented you on being a diversity hire just screams red flag and you prolly don’t want to be associated with him.
That's EXACTLY what I thought? I explained it to them too but nope... they don't listen
You are an adult. You literally don't have to do what your parents are forcing you to do. This interaction/relationship with the random guy they set you up with is literally useless and will only continue being negative. You need to be an adult and put a stop to this. Stop listening to your parents, you clearly know what's right to do. You got this homie
Downsides of dragging team out to meet you with someone who doesn't think highly of you seem pretty outsized. I would hate to get on the wrong foot with the current^^ team before you even start.
lmao that's crazy, tell them to stop involving themselves in your career this much
Man: Would be thrilled if you ghosted him starting now.
Team: No connection to or interest in a man who worked there years ago. They will set up drinks if they choose (they won't).
Parents: This is your career. No more conversation with them about it and ignore all advice.
In most cases, I would say absolutely meet the guy. Maybe, don't let him "introduce you to the team" but have lunch with him. However, given his diversity comment, I would not waste my time and if I was in your parents' shoes, I would not associate with a dipshit who says something like that to my son or daughter.
What are you posting for, you already have your answer! You’re wasting his time and your own time. He doesn’t want to meet with you. You don’t want to meet with him. Simple man, so leave it as is and go enjoy your summer.
Can fully relate to this in terms of having non-finance parents. I guess most people not in finance just simply assume getting employment at (insert prestigious industry) is based on connections and some degree of nepotism/networking even in today's day and age. Certainly the case with non-White households too so your parents innocently think this connection will give you an advantage, even if it doesn't. They genuinely want the best for you, I've been called ungrateful for not wanting to speak to someone in a completely different industry whilst I'm pretty solid with my approach to applications.
Whilst this guy seems to judge you for little or no reason, I would just meet him very briefly. Even an awkward 30 minute coffee chat should be enough to suffice your parents, then you can kindly tell your parents you're focusing on getting to know your team well. Hopefully they'll understand.
your parents are okay with this man calling you a diversity hire? 💀 damn
If u do it ur an idiot, just like ur parents
This is a wild story, but if he called you a "diversity hire," then having him introduce you to the team you already met might do more harm than good. Tell your parents he called you a diversity hire and that you are uncomfortable proceeding with this person. As others have said, you're an adult. The fact that you're having so much trouble telling your parents to stay out of your career means they've made a habit of imposing on your life before. You're at the point in your life where you have to change the relationship. It's one of those learning moments—time to stand up to your parents. No matter how much you feel like you can't, you can. It might be uncomfortable initially, but it's liberating the more you get them to stop imposing themselves into your adult life.
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