Ranking the Top Egg Preparation Methods by Prestige
Over Easy: A crispy, cooked outer layer of egg white with a gluttonous, elite gooey yolk. It simply doesn't get any better than this folks. Break that yolk apart on a sandwich, potatoes, toast or bacon to release the gooey, caloric prestige all over your meal - ensuring that every subsequent bite of potatoes or meat you take is covered in a thin, warm layer of prestige.
Sunny Side Up ("SSU"): Similar to the very prestigious Over Easy egg, but entails greater execution risk. By only cooking the egg on one side, yet still pulling off a thoroughly cooked egg white with runny yolk, one is demonstrating an elite level mastery of chefhood. Still tons of gooey, prestigious egg yolk to pour over the rest of your meal, as with the Over Easy egg.
Upper Middle Market:
Poached: Ultimately you're arriving at a similar destination, yolk wise, as the SSU or Over Easy eggs. However, by boiling the egg first you're missing out on that crispy, delicate outer egg white that adds such a vital component of the two aforementioned preparation methods. Moreso, boiling the egg has the tendency to completely suck the flavor out of the egg white. Yolk-wise, as long as you don't over cook it, you're still looking at an egg that is fairly prestigious, but by boiling the egg white you're self-handicapping just a bit.
Hard Boiled: This is a controversial one. While it is true that poor people often eat their eggs this way, it is not an indictment upon the moderately prestigious, who prefer their eggs this way. Presentation is key with this method, as hard boiled eggs have both the opportunity to shift down market and become bottom-tier, or the ability to shift up into the Bulge Brackets. Bulge Bracket level preparation entails a perfectly cooked egg, that cracks apart with ease. The yolk should still be fairly soft but not runny & the egg white moist but firm. Most importantly: it must be served in a gold or glass egg holder chalice. If mashed apart and served as egg salad with mayonnaise, I think it's hard to consider this anything above Lower Middle Market at best.
Lower Middle Market:
Oil Fried: It has potential, but frankly it just doesn't have the fire power that the UMM andpreparation methods all share. If you're truly cooking a prestigious batch of eggs, you should not need to fry it in oil to add flavor. The warm, caloric yolk is savory enough as is, without the addition of olive oil grease. Moreover, the combination of fried eggs with often oily potatoes/bacon/sausage on the side has potential to cause acne and turn the predominant flavor profile of your meal into grease & oil. Not very prestigious.
Scrambled: Honestly, grow tf up. I get that it's quick and easy, but you aren't 12 anymore guys. You should not be beating your eggs to death in a bowl before pouring them into a pan and scrambling. This method of preparation is by far the easiest for a novice to keep up with, but a master chef would never be caught dead scrambling an egg. Why would you if you possess the unique ability to reliably prepare quality Over Easy and/or Sunny Side Up eggs?
The Omelet: Truly for dickheads, The Omelet is by far the least prestigious method of preparation for eggs. It misses the point entirely as it is nearly the opposite of an Over-Easy or SSU prepared egg. The whole purpose is to keep the yolk runny, moist and savory so you can prestigiously poor that elite goodness all over the rest of your (presumably elite) breakfast. You are not trying to fry the shit out of your entire egg and wrap it around a bunch of mushrooms, spinach & ham like some disgusting rubber condom that protects the contents within from AIDS.