Struggle to unplug from work? Read this.

Someone in the forum mentioned recently that he hates being unable to switch off. I can appreciate that because I've been there and it took me years, lots of research and working with a few mentors to understand anxiety and emotions.

Being unable to switch off is not the problem. The problem is that you "hate" being unable to switch off—that you don't accept yourself when you're unable to switch off. Human beings have an innate capacity to recover from any negative emotion very fast. Your survival brain (the old caveman brain—the part of your brain that activates stress) starts the recovery process (switching off) ONLY when it perceives you to be safe. But when you "hate" your anxiety, when you try to run away from your thoughts, when the self-critic wakes up or you compare yourself to others....your thinking brain (your intellect—the part of your brain that also does the DCF and the financial models) gets in the way of the survival brain's automatic and fast recovery.

Stress activation and recovery are 100% a survival brain's job. Your thinking brain has absolutely NO power over your survival brain. Not only does it have no power but all the judgemental, rational, escapist, devaluing, denying thoughts that you use to calm yourself down result in even more stress. Because your survival brain goes like, "Oh this dude is really freaked out. I'd better let these stress hormones stick around for a little longer". This becomes a vicious circle: more stress, more "hating yourself", more thoughts, more frustration, more stress and so on. You are a genius at maths but your survival brain doesn't give a shit about your intellect. He only wants to protect you so you live another day. I know the dude is exaggerating but evolutionary speaking, this is how the human species survived and created investment banking! So don't use logic to switch off your emotions. Emotions are to be felt—not to be thought about. You can't "think down" your stress.

What should you do then? Focus on the sensations in your body. In what area of your body do you feel the anxiety? You may feel some tension, or tingling, or cold hands/legs, a headache, whatever. Focus on those sensations. You may also use mantras of the type: "I forgive myself for not being able to control my thoughts. I give up. These thoughts may stay with me for as long as they need to. I give up. I forgive myself". And welcome all thoughts. Let them be there. And when you are caught up in your thinking, just forgive yourself and direct your attention back to the sensations in your body. As many times as needed. This is how your thinking brain becomes an ally to your survival brain.

Remember though: Don't expect miracles overnight. This is a practice that requires time and repetition. This isn't Xanax, alcohol, nicotine, co***ne or any other coping habit that masks the unwanted feelings for a while before they come back stronger. This is a practice that builds your resilience and trains you to become unshakeable in the face of anxiety or any negative feeling. And if you currently rely on coping habits such as alcohol, nicotine, etc, I understand. Practice just for 5 minutes every day. That's a good start.

If you have any questions, shoot. Happy to help further.

—Angelos.