Suicidal thoughts in IB

Hi all,
Long time lurker but first time poster in WSO.
Cutting the story short, I’m dealing with some very difficult people in my team and know I’m being pushed out, despite a lot of it being a consequence of discrimination that I have tried to deal with one-to-one and by bringing it up to seniors who initially seemed supportive before it all went south.
As a result, it’s getting to the point where I’m feeling suicidal for a number of reasons (sounds dramatic, I know but trust me). It’s difficult going in everyday at the moment and working in a toxic environment where people are noticing that I’m no longer my usual self. The panic attacks are endless and I feel trapped given the lack of experience, hiring freezes and the market in general, and guess the only thing I have going is the brand name and the “1 year” mark under my belt.
I still want to do IB for at least another year, but not in this team and to be honest, not at my current firm either after all of this.
It’s a big risk financially if I was to quit right now, but I feel helpless at this point and out of options on how to remedy anything in the workplace that I feel I just need to go (quite literally).
Have any of you experienced similar or have advice?

 

Replying on here to be seen:

Thank you for your response and everyone else’s. In addition to those have reached out to me directly. I’ve read all of them over the weekend and considered everyone’s messages and thoughts, it means a lot.

I’m going to take some time to think about my short, mid and long-term goals, but more importantly, my mental health now and for the coming weeks. I’m still in debate on whether to disclose this to those in reporting positions at work and HR given the sensitivity and stigma around this. As well as other things, such as spinning it to HHs, looking for the next job in the market and more. But after posting this, I’m getting more “comfortable” with the idea of leaving if/when it gets too much and too close to the edge than it already is, and ultimately putting myself first. Your responses were a wake-up call to me. Thank you all.

 

hey, I will add to the many comments below…nothing is worth more than your sanity. You’re surrounded by people (myself included) who can’t seem to let go of IB no matter how much havoc it causes in personal life. I’m writing to you as a freshly single 35yo, with no friends and no social life left after the past handful of years in banking. It’s a tough look at the mirror but pick yourself up however you can, focus on putting yourself first at least for the time being. Once the storm subsides a bit it will be easier to think clearly. When all my stuff fell and well continues to fall apart, I still find solace in things that I control and try to improve there. The “it is what it is” is not a consoling approach but someone like yourself who seems to care a lot about what they do - you have to ask yourself if the other side cares for your inputs / feels the same. You’ll quickly find it that it’s far less personal and people are just egotistical beings..IB has quite the crop of examples. Within reasonable bounds you should pay as much respect and tag on weight to situations as you imagine the other side does. None of us care about this job nor does this job matter as much as to make others feel like you do.

You’re not alone, others just don’t have the courage to admit as much as you do. When it comes to really dark thoughts - you have to be as courageous seeking professional help. All of us are used to “getting things done” - take it from me - approaching life and relationships the way you approach work will only get you in the same spot in personal life as you find yourself at the office.

 

Leave right away, a job isn't worth it. If you don't like your team and company, leave and look for a job on another bank, maybe you find a place right for you and it will change your life. If you aren't liking the job maybe look at other careers that aren't so degrading and with such a bad work/life balance. If your seniors aren't supporting you on discrimination problems, you should leave them as they aren't willing to help you despite expecting you to break your ass for the job.

I would leave right away, you shouldn't be risking your life for a job, whichever job it is. 

Hope you make the right decision for yourself

simioamistoso
 

Your career path doesn’t matter if you’re dead. 
 

Prioritize putting yourself in an environment where you’re not suicidal first, then figure out the career part next. 
 

Please also go see a therapist - if you don’t have time, many will do telemedicine appointments that you can do in the morning before work or in the evening.

 

Despite what everyone above is saying, I wouldn't quit right now. This job market is too competitive and there are too few jobs -- you won't stand a chance with just 1 year under your belt. Instead, talk to your staffer and tell them about how you're feeling. Demand that you be taken off of the accounts you have with toxic people and ask for a week or so off to focus on your mental health. If your staffer doesn't respond positively, immediately go to HR with your same concerns as they legally cannot ignore it. While you're doing all of this, start applying for new jobs but do not quit without something lined up unless both of these suggestions fail.

 

If he’s actually suicidal, then the state of the job market or his personal finances or his career trajectory won’t matter after he’s dead.

OP - I would recommend you just focus your mental energy on what choices you can make that will keep you alive. Solve that first problem before you think about everything else. 

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