Suicidal thoughts in IB
Hi all,
Long time lurker but first time poster in WSO.
Cutting the story short, I’m dealing with some very difficult people in my team and know I’m being pushed out, despite a lot of it being a consequence of discrimination that I have tried to deal with one-to-one and by bringing it up to seniors who initially seemed supportive before it all went south.
As a result, it’s getting to the point where I’m feeling suicidal for a number of reasons (sounds dramatic, I know but trust me). It’s difficult going in everyday at the moment and working in a toxic environment where people are noticing that I’m no longer my usual self. The panic attacks are endless and I feel trapped given the lack of experience, hiring freezes and the market in general, and guess the only thing I have going is the brand name and the “1 year” mark under my belt.
I still want to do IB for at least another year, but not in this team and to be honest, not at my current firm either after all of this.
It’s a big risk financially if I was to quit right now, but I feel helpless at this point and out of options on how to remedy anything in the workplace that I feel I just need to go (quite literally).
Have any of you experienced similar or have advice?
Gtfo immediately man, no job is worth more than your life
No one on this forum that were in your shoes and jumped ship ever regretted it
do you want him to have suicidal thoughts again due to unemployment/finances?
I mean he could just get a job outside IB?
If your mindset is IB or I'll fucking kill myself because I'm one of the poors, you might need therapy
Replying on here to be seen:
Thank you for your response and everyone else’s. In addition to those have reached out to me directly. I’ve read all of them over the weekend and considered everyone’s messages and thoughts, it means a lot.
I’m going to take some time to think about my short, mid and long-term goals, but more importantly, my mental health now and for the coming weeks. I’m still in debate on whether to disclose this to those in reporting positions at work and HR given the sensitivity and stigma around this. As well as other things, such as spinning it to HHs, looking for the next job in the market and more. But after posting this, I’m getting more “comfortable” with the idea of leaving if/when it gets too much and too close to the edge than it already is, and ultimately putting myself first. Your responses were a wake-up call to me. Thank you all.
hey, I will add to the many comments below…nothing is worth more than your sanity. You’re surrounded by people (myself included) who can’t seem to let go of IB no matter how much havoc it causes in personal life. I’m writing to you as a freshly single 35yo, with no friends and no social life left after the past handful of years in banking. It’s a tough look at the mirror but pick yourself up however you can, focus on putting yourself first at least for the time being. Once the storm subsides a bit it will be easier to think clearly. When all my stuff fell and well continues to fall apart, I still find solace in things that I control and try to improve there. The “it is what it is” is not a consoling approach but someone like yourself who seems to care a lot about what they do - you have to ask yourself if the other side cares for your inputs / feels the same. You’ll quickly find it that it’s far less personal and people are just egotistical beings..IB has quite the crop of examples. Within reasonable bounds you should pay as much respect and tag on weight to situations as you imagine the other side does. None of us care about this job nor does this job matter as much as to make others feel like you do.
You’re not alone, others just don’t have the courage to admit as much as you do. When it comes to really dark thoughts - you have to be as courageous seeking professional help. All of us are used to “getting things done” - take it from me - approaching life and relationships the way you approach work will only get you in the same spot in personal life as you find yourself at the office.
Sorry to hear that. I would really quit that job, look for something else maybe other IB or another area. The market is not easy at this moment so I understand not leaving, but it isnt worth it. If you say there are some racial problems, i would leave the job right away, in my opinion I couldnt work with people that would treat me different just for who I am.
I would recommend maybe quitting and start looking for other jobs, the unemployment period might be hard as things are tough right now, but it could also help you on having some time for yourself and valuing who you are and what you want.
Hope you are doing better!
Cheers
Leave right away, a job isn't worth it. If you don't like your team and company, leave and look for a job on another bank, maybe you find a place right for you and it will change your life. If you aren't liking the job maybe look at other careers that aren't so degrading and with such a bad work/life balance. If your seniors aren't supporting you on discrimination problems, you should leave them as they aren't willing to help you despite expecting you to break your ass for the job.
I would leave right away, you shouldn't be risking your life for a job, whichever job it is.
Hope you make the right decision for yourself
Definitely leave. The financial risk is nothing. Worst case scenario you pick up different kind of work to stay afloat or even a little bit of debt while you figure things out, which is also nothing. You are worth so much more than you are being made to feel at this place. Yeah an IB career is rewarding but not at the expense of your life or mental health. Get out now.
Hey buddy, if you need someone to talk to, please DM me. I’m a few life seasons ahead of you and can talk through.
Your career path doesn’t matter if you’re dead.
Prioritize putting yourself in an environment where you’re not suicidal first, then figure out the career part next.
Please also go see a therapist - if you don’t have time, many will do telemedicine appointments that you can do in the morning before work or in the evening.
Despite what everyone above is saying, I wouldn't quit right now. This job market is too competitive and there are too few jobs -- you won't stand a chance with just 1 year under your belt. Instead, talk to your staffer and tell them about how you're feeling. Demand that you be taken off of the accounts you have with toxic people and ask for a week or so off to focus on your mental health. If your staffer doesn't respond positively, immediately go to HR with your same concerns as they legally cannot ignore it. While you're doing all of this, start applying for new jobs but do not quit without something lined up unless both of these suggestions fail.
If he’s actually suicidal, then the state of the job market or his personal finances or his career trajectory won’t matter after he’s dead.
OP - I would recommend you just focus your mental energy on what choices you can make that will keep you alive. Solve that first problem before you think about everything else.
This has to be the best comment on this forum. When thinking about whether it makes sense to waste your life in misery give it a thought. People that go through family / medical and other emergencies seem to be able to wake up to these things. Took me 5 years, not much solace in IB to come back to after the personal life goes up in flames. Learn to be more greedy with your time for yourself, your health and people and activities that matter.
Really sorry to hear this.
Please remember that this is just a small portion of a long and great life you are living. Also, this team is just one group of people that you will/have met throughout your career. Going to work with people who don’t make you feel valued is not fun so I understand why you feel the way you do.
You should definitely look to transition to another opportunity, but don’t rule out other groups within your same organization because this is likely not a representation of your firm as a whole.
At the end of the day though this is just a job and it does not define you nor does the opinion of a few colleagues. You are smart enough to get yourself in the room in the first place never forget that.
DM if you need someone to talk too
Start looking. No job is worth your life. The people trying to push you out ain’t all that and frankly most of the time, toxic people in the workplace plateau quickly.
Start looking. Don’t quit. Go in everyday telling them to go fuck themselves mentally and do your job
Get a sick note from the doctor to get better protected status, go to HR to say you can’t work and are suicidal due to team / firm (as per doctors note), stop coming in and start looking for new jobs. They virtually can’t fire you if you go through proper procedure and they’d have huge PR risk
toxic environments are toxics only if you let them get into your head
as long as you receive your paycheck, you shouldn't give a fuck about others or what happens in the office
also, start looking for other jobs without resigning. Toxic team but paycheck at the end of the month > unemployed without finances (in terms of mental health).
remember: suicide is a permanent decision to a temporary issue, so this shall pass. it always does.
Leave immediately, no job is worth your life! DM me if you want to talk
Bro I know from first hand there is zero loyalty in this industry banks do not care about you at all. A job in investment banking is never worth your life whatsoever
I’ve been in a similar situation, although maybe not as extreme. Your ability to think clearly right now is incredibly clouded by your anxiety and the situation - you absolutely have to get out. You will be fine when you leave, and the freedom and peace you will feel will propel you to do incredible things. Trust me - it is the best feeling in the world to take back control. Additionally, in parallel, you need to speak with a doctor re your mental health. If you’re not comfortable doing it in person, do it via one of the many chat apps that offer prescriptions now. You will very likely be prescribed an SSRI, if you want it. For me, medication was an invaluable tool to rise above the unimportant toxicity and refocus internally without shame or doubt. Take back control of your mind, and do it now.
If you recieve coverage of mental health then I would disagree with those recommending you quit. You may qualify for a leave of absence. Try to exhaust the resources you have before leaving. Speak to a professional and figure out your options.
I resonate. Ignore my job title.
I overheard my parents’ disbelief in me and it rocked my self confidence because I believed I was doing IB for their sake and to make enough money for them to retire. I am in a team in a Tier 3 city with few exit opportunities. I know if I and when I get pushed out because I haven’t been like myself for months now, I won’t have any credible job opportunities to seek in finance. And my parents already blame me so what’s the point in trying? I know how you feel OP and you are much more grounded and clear than I ever can be in expressing why I feel this way.
Hey man - feel free to dm, I had the same and I quit pretty recently - I don't regret it. I've taken some time to work on my mental health, spend time with family - planning on recruiting for things in a few months
I’ve been in this industry my entire career and it will never be worth my life. Do not allow anyone - I don’t give a shit how senior - dictate your self-worth.
This is purely a job and they will replace and forget you in no time. Worst case, quit but please don’t ever do something drastic for people who will have not even give a second thought about you after you’re gone
Is it possible to take block leave (assuming its US IB)? Or maybe reach out to family/friends/significant others?
I lost one of my bestfriends recently from suicide. He attended the top law school in the country, was a top student, but none of that matters when you're not mentally there. You need to do everything you can to get yourself out of this state, however that might be excruciatingly tough in IB. If you need anything or want to talk I'm a DM away, but please please put all your effort into your own well-being, you deserve it. Stay strong brother.
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Good luck man, let me know how it goes. Thinking of doing the same thing too, stay strong!
Feel for you brother. The downward thought spiral can quickly turn into an avalanche. If you have the proper financial back stop, I would put in your 2 weeks immediately and be very clear about why you are quitting with no new job in place. If they are even a decent employer, they will help you (whether it be referrals, letting you take extended leave in leu of quitting, etc.) W.e you do, don’t give into those thoughts / feelings. You will come out on top.
As a Cluster B myself (Borderline Personality - Impulsive Subtype), I can relate to the dark thoughts. It's total catastrophizing though, worse come to worst you move back in with your parents and live stress & rent free for a few weeks/months while you get right again. Even the worst case scenario is actually pretty chill so whatever you do, understand that it is just a silly job and there are millions more out there just like it and it's no more worth getting worked up over than a cashier job at your local McDonalds. Like, actually. All big bad wall street lore aside, banking is just another client services job worked by a bunch of average wage-slaves. Can always find another job if need be and it's not like you're a HF trader who can actually lose the firm money if you fuck up.
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