When should I tell work that I’m pregnant?

I’m 8 weeks pregnant and feeling super nauseous and tired all the time as all my blood flow is going to the baby. I read that this should be better within 4 weeks or so but it feels like forever. I’m off sick for the last 2 days due to vomiting but I can’t keep being off without raising red flags. 

The other thing is we are going through review season now. I’m worried that if I mention I’m pregnant that can impact my bonus. 

When would you recommend telling my manager about this? I can obviously still lose the baby (already had a miscarriage before) in which case I feel that telling now can only bring downside as I’ll be perceived as focusing on starting a family not work. 

Most Helpful

I'm not a parent or full time worker yet so take my advice with a grain of salt, but no one's answered yet and I'm sure this is a stressful time for you.

So I'll tell you what I told all my soldiers back in the day. This baby should be your #1 focus. Obviously that's hard to do when you have to work and take care of stuff, but I would tell work as soon as you feel comfortable.That way they at least know, and have context for why some of your behaviors have changed. I suspect that stressing yourself out about bonus, reviews, baby, etc is not particularly good for you or the baby (something about cortisol levels). I don't think you need to tell everyone in the office at the same time, but maybe your boss and HR. If you have a mentor or someone higher up at the firm that you're tight with you could ask them and see what they say too.

A lot of my kiddos back in the day had a bit of an adjustment period where they were still getting used to the idea that they were now utterly responsible for another living thing. Bottom line, I think the guiding question that should determine ALL of your decisions going forward is, "is this good for me and my baby".


If you are very worried about it impacting your bonus, you could always come up with another excuse for being home. Just say that you have been feeling really bad lately, think it might be a food poisoning or flu but you're not sure. Later on, just say that it turned out to be a pregnancy. No one knows that you have the results yet. Just my 2 cents as a male, but I'm sure there are women who have gone through this that can give better advice.

In the end, you will have to balance the short-term threat vs the long-term threat. I.e. if people are really grilling you on why you are home then you can only make up excuses for so long. If they don't grill you on being home, then you can continue delaying it.

I'm at a BB and while we have mandatory office presence 5 days a week there are people who have been working from home for 1-2 weeks without anyone even caring. With that said, just stay home and handle the issue if you get pushback from colleagues (especially seniors). You can also just show up to the office for a short time if you feel well enough. No need to be there the full day. Just come in after lunch and leave before dinner.


Does discrimination against pregnant women still happen in the workplace? Seems like something that should have been let go off a long time ago...


surprise! yes discrimination does still happen against mothers/soon to be moms unfortunately

This isn't my experience at all. I've worked at multiple banks. 

I'm sure it exists somewhere but certainly isn't acceptable at a decent firm. 

Tech & Media M&A - London

-Pregnant with a living child/about to me a mom

-worried about bonus

Op worry about the kid.  You need a total mind reset.  I mean this respectfully but being a mom and a junior investment banker you will have to sacrifice either work/bonus or taking care of the child. I hope you pick the latter.


>I’m worried that if I mention I’m pregnant that can impact my bonus. 

>telling now can only bring downside as I’ll be perceived as focusing on starting a family not work

for all you gents that are thinking about having a kid with a woman who works in banking, this is what youre in for.

and think: if this is how she views the CHILD SHE IS CARRYING, how is she going to look at you?


You are getting hate but it's true.  Imagine your wife telling you she's concerned people will think she's focused more on starting a family vs her career in banking. You should be focused more on the kid(that's a great perception to have...)  Banking sucks major dick.  

If I was a girl and had a kid I'd be so incredibly glad to just a take a ton of time off (multiple years) to enjoy having a beautiful child vs turning comments for an asshole md.  Make that husband work so I can take a break and bond with child.

(I have multiple kids btw).

Is banking really that fulfilling to women? 


How am I getting monkey shit?  You're going to get varying answers from a bunch of anonymous people, none of whom is any more credible than anyone else.  Find someone you know the identity of and trust to get a better perspective.  Fishing on this forum for non-finance related shit is mostly pointless.  Women in every industry deal with this same problem and they don't turn to online forums for advice.


Would say you're sick for a couple of weeks if your review season passes and then tell them. No point not getting paid well for the work you've already done. If the time is longer than a couple of weeks and will affect your performance a lot, then telling selective people makes sense as you don't want to be seen as an underperformer. 


This entire thread is full of either interns giving advice on something that they are far away from experiencing, unhelpful comments from "industry professionals", or misogynists - which tells you a lot about the calibre of person that frequents this website.


As a mature intern – I can relate to your frustration at ignorant barely–post-teenage comments😂


As a woman, the rule of thumb and standard etiquette is to wait until the second trimester before telling coworkers (primarily due to miscarriages as you mentioned). However, it’s ultimately up to you and if you don’t start feeling better, maybe then you have to tell early. Also, you could perhaps tell one or two people you trust / work with directly and tell them you don’t want to announce it publicly until the second trimester. Best of luck and praying for a happy and healthy baby!


Jezz, so many immature comments from people likely far off from parenthood. 

Its totally normal to feel stressed about your job while being pregnant. Most of my friends wives that have had kids and serious careers (mine as well) waited probably until months 4-6, depending on the promotion schedule. This is what I'd recommend. Ultimately do what you think is best for your specific situation but waiting is in your best interest to the extent you think there might be potential negative biases. 

To those telling her to focus on the baby not the bonus, life is not mutually exclusive. One can obviously be thinking about their baby while also thinking about their career. This is pretty basic. 


Many people perceive this as a "gold digger", but a rich man, or not necessarily rich, but with an elite mindset would stand up and say "fuck the bank, and fuck the bonus, I know you work very hard, I'll work day and night to make you the happiest mother" THIS IS WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. 

And this brings another point of me being disgusted of my previous intern class (broccoli hair interns with no personality), don't even know what an LBO is complaining all the time about WLB, pay and garbage. My mentor is a true sigma male, he always said to me "you're seen as a diversity hire, outwork everyone" I didn't even know what an LBO is, he gave me his financial modeling courses accounts (free, he didn't ask for anything in return), he taught me stress tolerance and how to work long while staying in shape, I never sensed any vibe of him trying to get close to me or anything, he's a principled man and very hard working.

I'll start a whole thread about him how this relates to his topic, but now to reply to the main question

Imagine saying this to your baby " I’m worried that if I mention I’m pregnant that can impact my bonus,  I can obviously still lose the baby (already had a miscarriage before)" 

I understand that you may have worked extremely hard to get to the position you're in now, BUT I still don't understand why is it so difficult to communicate that with the bank.... even better you can tear up a bit in front of HR, and that your stress about "performance review" might impact the baby.

What actually hurts is the bonus part... what is it? For an extra 50k or 100k? or maybe even 200k?
Note: If you're a single mom, I can take that back.

If I ever get pregnant in the future, with the right man. Fuck the bonus, my son/daughter are the best thing that can happen to me. Better than a cartier bracelet, rolex and Aritzia effortless pants (this is what I spent some of my bonus on).

Edit: This is just my perspective, I got fired up when I read a few comments on worrying about the bonus.


Also want to add here- don’t fucking feel guilty from all these comments mentioning your worry for bonus and the change in trajectory of career the baby might bring. These are valid thoughts as a competent, competitive worker who probably has spent thousands of hours trying to break into the industry just like anyone. My mom is an entrepreneur and I’m not saying she’s perfect, but Ive always known how much she loves me and she’d give up her life to protect me. Did she overcompensate sometimes with nice shit? Sure. But I also had to grow up faster and learn that my mom isn’t a bad or a wrong mom for working hard-especially hard- for me. Again, it’s 2023 and women shouldn’t feel guilty for not putting the exact time, mental capacity, and effort a traditional housewife would on their children. In other words, don’t fucking feel guilty from these monkey head comments judging your dilemma. You might as well be asking your interns what you should be doing in this current situation.


So we had a mba associate at our group get join after biz school 5 months pregnant.  Did 4 months of work (with it being super easy since no senior wanted to grind a 7 month pregnant women 90 hours a week).  Takes 1 year maternity leave.  Comes back and is already pregnant.  Does another 6 months of work has second baby, another 1 year maternity leave.  Is getting paid her 175k to 200k base all during these maternity leaves.  

Comes back after second maternity leave and then quits.  

Did like 8 months real work (at reduced easy hours) over like a 3.5 year period making bank.   

Assume she will go to another firm and have another baby.   She's a personal hero of mine.


This cannot be true, as NY only gives maternity leave after 6 months work and nowadays it’s only 12 weeks paid, so if she took a year off she’s doing unpaid or something you’re not saying.


In your post, you say

1) you're worried about your bonus getting impacted

2) that you "can still lose the baby"

Why do you want kids? the child deserves a mother who loves them more than money.

Seek Jesus.


There is no way around dealing with the fact that you cannot both work IB hours and care for a newborn at the same time, unless you have a cuck of a husband whose gonna sit around and change diapers all day instead of you. 

Why you would suffer in silence for months over this just to ultimately reach the conclusion that you must chose one or the other anyway, is a mystery to me. You gain nothing. Tell your team now so they'll understand your situation. Help them help you. Nobody can satisfy your needs if they don't know your needs. You will feel like an absolute moron suffering in silence and appearing aloof to your team and superiors for months, when you finally have to tell them and they look horrified at you like "why the fuck would you not tell us that so we can work with you?". 

Believe it or not, juniors do not get points for hiding things from their bosses. They would rather know what they're working with. Also, you'll be treated better and more protected if they know your pregnant versus if they think you're just aloof and distracted for no reason. 

This is life and death.


I don't work in IB but based on what I know you can be given less demanding tasks as a pregnant woman. It all comes down to the thing that the company doesn't want to be accussed of discrimination or harming your pregnancy. Overall I belive it's worth sharing with HR who will share this with your bosses because when you feel unwell and cannot manage the workload due to pregnancy they should be responsive to your situation and adjust tasks accordingly. And on a side note, you really need to rest instead of stressing over the bonus. Wishing you the best and, of course, congrats on your pregnancy!


As someone who recently went through that mind fuck of a decision, I understand how you are feeling.
First and foremost congrats!

When to tell will depend on many many factors, but here are a couple that helped me.

1. How family oriented is your MD? (This comes into play on showing support throughout your pregnancy and review season - and yes there are MDs that give a shit about their family)
2. How is your relationship with your staffer/HR (anyone who will affect the rest of your pregnancy staffing - my staffer was a bitch and I knew she would made sure to staff me extra if she could just to be an asshole)
3. Realistically, what do you think your bonus will be and how much are you willing to lose (I.e. you think they will cut 50% and can you accept it)?
4. Medically, your baby is not being affected by your lack of sleep and stress. I had a second opinion from an OBGYN of this. The baby will take everything it needs to survive in a healthy pregnancy, but that means you will feel like absolute trash. I was fully staffed my first 2 months and that was a huge concerned for me

Full disclosure, I waited after my bonus was in my bank account because of my asshole staffer. My MD was surprisingly the most supportive of my team and made sure I had a much easier pregnancy once I told him.

Best of luck!


Every team is different, and I’m confident there are some real Neanderthals still there but thankfully it is 2023 and it would take a real “courageous” Neanderthal to discriminate against you. it would be career limiting for anyone to try. 

I’ve had several women in my team go through the pregnancy / maternity leave cycle and the thing that’s worked out best is open communication about short and long term objectives and what, if any practical limitations are. That way, we can work out a plan for what’s best for someone’s personal life and career.

For your specific situation, I’d communicate with your team when you communicate with everyone else. No reason to delay it.


Just tell them upfront that you will find ways to cancel them if you're discriminated against. 


I'd get a good employment lawyer, document everything and then tell the appropriate HR party responsible for leave requests when you feel comfortable. Be prepared to fight for your job when you're ready to return (and don't lose the fight - you got this ;)). Stay strong and forget about banking while you raise your new child <3. 


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