Advice on my coffee chat message template?

I have been using the same template to inMail people on LinkedIn for coffees. I just want to know what you guys think because the return rate so far hasn't been the highest.

Hey __, My name is __ and I am an incoming second-year student at __. Through participating in finance clubs, personal research, and working in my current internship at ___ this summer, I have gained a strong interest in pursuing finance as a career in the future. Specifically, I want to work in (insert their industry), given that (some reason).

Since you work at ___, I would love to hear about your experiences. If it is possible, I am wondering if we could grab a coffee sometime to have a quick chat. I would really appreciate the opportunity.

Best,


1 Comments
 

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