from IBD internship to back-office FT

I was lucky enough to get several IBD offers from top banks even though I was going to a non-target and these days I even wonder how. 

Since I started my IBD internship, my self-worth took a big shock and I am pretty much lost and don't know what to do in terms of career. I really sucked at a the job because I had poor excel and PPT skills and wasn't just good at learning under pressure - the group really expected me to pick stuff quickly. Even for the easiest tasks, I was taking too long and have also been accused of zoning out quite a lot (I am tired all the time). This experience was also worse because my main analyst was a hardo who is always OTT and completely the opposite of me.

The problem may also lie with my attitude, I am not a hugely excited person on the day to day, I am more the kind of person who does what it has to do and move on to the next task. Also, I can work hard but I don't like waisted effort which may have impacted me in a job with lots of bullshit work and I think by now I realise a fast-paced environment where I am constantly watched might just not be for me.

I have tried to ask to move to another FO job, but was told it would be the same and would still struggle over there and that I should really consider BO - and really wondering if it would be any different like that.

On the flip side, I also have a track record of achievement at least at school and made it from an underdeveloped country to be one of the first person to have an IBD offer at my school, but it seems like all that motivation just vanish while I am on the job and just want to get through the end of each day, it may also be because I don't focus on being the best but I really want to add value too. I also feel like I have zero skills and all have is knowledge and oral presentation abilities which may have been what helped for the interviews.

I like the fundamental of finance (valuation and learning about company) and was considering applying for buy-side research but I probably will have the same problem. The quick answer would be to change but I am naturally like that and even if I did try it would come back at some point because I have had some of this feedback in the past. Right now I am really focused on finding somewhere I could fit in even if it is BO/MO or even research. 

I reached the point where I am also planning to talk to a therapist for help even though I never really believed in this. any advice is welcome

I know this a pretty long post and I am sorry for that but at this point I am just wondering if there is still something I am missing or any job where I will fit in. It is the same story at all of them great teammate but shit at the work.