How to deal with insecurity and feeling like a failure? I lost all my confidence after going through 3 years of severe depression. What are things I can do to build my confidence and self worth?

Hi,

How can I build my self-confidence and self-worth after 3 years of severe depression? My first post was about how I was a recovering alcohol addict. I made the change and I quit drinking every night. I am literally going to therapy tomorrow. My appointment is scheduled.

I don't know what to say to the therapist honestly. My life is shit, I'm broke, I'm unemployed, depressed, and I've been drinking the last year every day to just fall asleep. I hate my life the way it is right now, and I want to change it.

I know it is not too late for me right now to turn my life around. I'm only 25, but I need to build momentum. I need to start sleeping and functioning like a normal human being again. What should I do? I have been taking melatonin and it makes my brain foggy. 

I have 10k in the bank. My plan is to get my eyes fixed. Stress and staring at the computer screen everyday have cause my vision to deteriorate to the point I can no longer see anymore, and I feel impaired because of it. I hate glasses and don't wear them. -3 in both eyes, I'm legally blind and it's a safety hazard at this point to have this bad vision. I can't even do what I love anymore. No more basketball because I can't see the hoop clearly. I also hate glasses and contacts. Gave them a try and it wasn't my thing. Long term, I need to get Lasik so I might as well do that now. I don't know anymore. I've become a literal bum and hopeless person. I have a few callbacks for FP&A positions, but I don't even feel like I deserve them, and I don't feel confident like how I used to be.

Why should they hire me over a fresh college grad that has a high gpa and fresh out of school? I'm a 3.0 GPA student who threw his life away because of depression. I can't stand it anymore. 

I know the outside world is bigger than the school I went to and my GPA, but deep down the college I went to, and my GPA will always be something people will judge me on. FP&A can't be that hard, but after a year in the house drinking and losing my mind and sleeping at 4 AM every day. I'm losing my sanity. No thoughts of suicide yet because I have hope that I can turn it around. All I need is a job so I can support myself and move out of my parents' house. I don't have a great relationship with my family so that is added stress. I never grew up having anything and it makes me sad that it was that way. It made me realize how little I had growing up, but how naïve and happy I was because I didn't know anything. I had not a single care in the world. Now, at 25, I'm thinking about making money so my future kids can grow up better than I did. I need to make money so I can change my life around. I don't want to be like my parents. They aren't bad people. We just never had it that way. We were middle class but broke as fuck. I just don't want to be broke anymore. I don't want to shop sales all the time. I don't want to wake up on Christmas and realize I never had a fucking single present under the fucking tree. Actually, there was no fucking Christmas tree at all. Am I making any sense or am I losing my sanity? I don't know anymore. I've been going through it. Like really going through it. The pain is real and sometimes I wish I would just be diagnosed with a terminal illness, and I wouldn't even blink an eye. I'll be fine if I die tomorrow honestly. No one should feel so much pain and suffering like I am feeling. No human deserves this. The only thing going for me is time. I am still young, and I need to snap out of it and keep it moving. but it's difficult given my circumstances and how screwed I am. 

I'll keep updating to see what happens. Therapy tomorrow and consultation for Lasik on Tuesday. Pray for me. I never thought my life would turn out this way. I was always a good kid who genuinely worked hard, but that doesn't mean shit if I never did anything right to set myself up in college and for my future career.

Have mercy on me.

Comments (7)

Most Helpful
Jan 24, 2022 - 5:43am
123xX, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is not insecurity, it's imposter syndrome. You were born into something you would not have chosen if you were given a choice, and it is this realization that is making you feel this way.

The initial phases of rebuilding one's life are always painful, go through them and continue working hard. People can help you here and there, but you will be the one who has to walk through life. Treat every help you get as an opportunity and make the most of it. Do not be afraid to approach people 1-1 and ask for help and guidance (in your real life). It will get better, hold on until then.

Jan 25, 2022 - 8:52am
mrazoff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Write me a DM.

Then, as a first move I would start lifting weights, running or playing any sport.

Also, read the biography of a person you admire.

Might help.

Also contact lessons are not uncomfortable at all after like one day

Feb 19, 2022 - 4:57pm
RedWhiteAndWho, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Second on the lifting weights. That helped me take control of my life as well. Also you'll eventually see progress thus making your body more aesthetically appealing and your confidence will grow. At risk of sounding like a brain-dead gym bro, lifting weights has helped me in so many ways. Obviously physically, but also mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It gives you a sense of control over something and helps you fight negative emotion in a healthy way. It's hard to get started but once you do, you'll be so glad you did.

Hope this helps and good luck to you man. Feel free to PM

Jan 25, 2022 - 10:55am
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Dude, be happy. -3 in both eyes??? That's not even CLOSE to being legally blind. -3 can be fixed with cheaters you buy at CVS for like $5. 

Something tells me that you need more gratitude and less hyperbole in your life. Chin up and go get your act together. 

*
  • 2
Jan 25, 2022 - 12:25pm
IcedxTaro, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Feel free to PM me.  I am mid 30s, starting to get my foot in my life right now.  Its taken a lot of time and self-realization to get to where I am.  I started slowly, one day at a time, utilizing whatever resource I can get my hands on.  Do not be afraid to ask for help.

Jan 25, 2022 - 12:36pm
jmonkey21, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Read Atomic Habits by James Clear and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Can be a life-changing shift in mindset while learning how to get 1% every day.

Remember - results aren't binary. They slowly build over time and every action is a vote for who you want to be as a person!

Hang in there.

Jan 25, 2022 - 12:38pm
jmonkey21, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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