Want to Exit Already

I’m a month into my research role and I’m disappointed in myself. Since freshman year in college all I ever wanted was to do ER in NYC covering healthcare. Thats all I ever wanted. I got an internship my junior year, couldn’t get the return offer, got an offer for portfolio management in my city, worked one year, and now transferred to research. And I think I finally realized it’s not for me. No matter how I spin the narrative of “1.5 years and go to the buy-side” I just know deep down it’ll still be roughly the same. I think I just realized that, while my old job sucked the hours were incredibly nice (8-5:30 Tuesday through Thursday in office).

I feel anxious about everything, I’m constantly tired, I panic about the next day. I think I finally realized my aspirations fundamentally differ from what I internally known is good for me.

I came here to write my thoughts, I’m not sure if people will comment but if you do, please let me know your thoughts.

Hopefully I can grind out a year here and do something in corp strat or dev back in Chicago. I’ll take a pay cut, but I just want time back to myself.