Bathroom War Crimes
How is it possible that grown men who can build a 70-tab model with 1,000 scenarios still manage to turn a bathroom into a literal crime scene?
I’m serious. We work in one of the most obsessive, detail-oriented, supposedly high-functioning environments on earth, and yet the men’s bathroom on every floor looks like it was used by a pack of raccoons during a liquidity event.
I’m not even asking for luxury. I’m not asking for spa-level cleanliness. I’m asking for the absolute minimum:
• Flush the toilet.
• Aim like you’ve seen a bathroom before.
• Don’t leave paper towels all over the floor like you just walked out of a distressed asset.
• If you have explosive shits, at least have the decency to clean up after yourself.
The funniest part is the same guys who’ll spend 45 minutes tweaking an output tab to make the comps slide look prettier than the actual deal somehow develop selective blindness in the bathroom. Suddenly nobody knows how toilets work. Suddenly it’s chaos. Suddenly there’s no accountability.
This is Wall Street. We allegedly care about standards. We allegedly care about optics. We allegedly care about being “professional.” And then half the cubicles look like the SEC should be called in.
I’m not saying everyone has to be a saint. I’m saying if you can manage a live deal, you can manage a flush.
End of rant.
+ those who only rise their hands
+ either groups- then touch your keyboard and eat a wrap
Those IBS shits are the worst. It has a specific smell. Turns the entire bathroom into a putrid gas chamber. You’d think people with good health insurance would go see a doctor.
I don’t know what you call good health but with the junk I’ve seen eaten it sure as shit isn’t M&A bankers
Damn, I'd expect that as an adult in a shitty commercial gym bathroom, public bathroom, etc. but not the workplace. I've never been at an employer where people treat the bathroom that poorly.
Bro what the hell is this thread 😭😭
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I guess this is kind of like the chicken or the egg argument but sometimes when the toilet seat is too gross to sit on, I attempt a standing shit. It doesn’t always land where I wanted it to, so I guess I was part of these atrocities before I got access to the executive bathrooms that are always pristine and I can take a dump in peace.
One could argue gross bathrooms create shareholder value…
Eat. More. Fiber.
what fucking bank are you working at?? never heard or seen of this before
Sometimes it sprays when I shit depending on how my stomach is feeling I cant help it. I do a courtesy double flush when that happens
Bro
Somehow, the bathrooms I've seen at investment banks have been dirtier than factories with way more employees per bathroom lol
Legitimately used to work on a construction site and can tell you the 250lb sweaty steamfitter will leave the throne better-looking than the slick-talking analyst w/ a $250 haircut. I've seen what our cleaners bill us and don't blame 'em for a second
It's the indians and Arabs(serious). They don't wipe in those countries they use their hands!!!
Many don't know how to use sit down toilets(only squat toilets).
I mean..has anyone here actually been to India or the middle east and seen what a public bathroom looks like? Trust me on this.
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Trust you about as much as I'd trust the actual calvin coolidge. You sound retarded and it's obvious all your friends look the same (derogatory). You think an indian american or arab american is using the bathroom in a developed country the same way as an entirely different bathroom system in another country, just because they share the same ethnicity as them? As someone who's been to both regions, most regular people in cities there have actual sitdown toilets. Squat toilets/latrines are in impoverished households or villages. Also none of those things have anything to do with how clean you leave a bathroom. Anyone can choose to clean up after themselves or not.
Lol I was not expecting to see Silent Cal mentioned on a WSO thread. Disagree on the take though, Warren Harding was way less trustworthy than Coolidge, I actually like Coolidge. He took over after Harding's death and Harding was wrapped up in scandals for much of his presidency. Calvin was cool.
Coolidge was a huge winner. Pls fix.
I detect no lies... only unearthly smells
Why did you need to use ai to help write this (it’s pretty obvious)
this thread could've been a winner but i was distracted the whole time knowing chatgpt wrote it.
In the rare times I've encountered this I really don't understand why it happens. It's your place of work. You share your floor's bathroom with the people you work with. Why the fk wouldn't you want to keep it clean so everyone can do their business in a sanitary and comfortable place? It's supposed to be high IQ professionals, not hobos using a porta potty.
To play devil's advocate here, some people have IBS and have to take medication for it that causes some explosive issues when it kicks in.
Bro I KNOW - HOW is it so bad? Like ur telling me my seniors who advise multimillion/billion transactions are pissing on the seat??? I always try to leave stalls better than I found them but this is impossible sometimes. It ASTONISHES me at how gross these bathrooms are; and mind you, this is not from bad tummy issues, that I understand and am compassionate towards tummy issues - it’s from people literally shitting and pissing on the FLOOR like what… HOW do you get to a senior position while treating the bathroom like a barn
The worst is when someone cranks it in the stall (and you can tell that they’re cranking it in the stall). Why do you pick the public restroom to crank the hog? I’m sorry but ur nerves are not that bad. We used to go to war; now guys are cranking it in the stall and pissing on the seats at desk jobs. For ducks sake pick another place to crank the hog!
bro i used to crank all the time but it's hard when there's shit on the wall, ruins the whole mojo
Crankin when the room is stankin is never sufficient. It must be clean
It is absolutely fucking disgusting. State of the art offices and then bathroom is like a pack of dogs on laxatives. Sit on the toilet, why are you guys standing.
I feel so bad for the people who clean these bathrooms
BofA Fixed Income floor IYKYK
Amount of dudes I've seen not wash their hands after peeing is insane
You piss on your hands, Gray?
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