Can’t stand my “manager”
I put “manager” in quotation because this guy is extremely incompetent at his job and he can barely manage himself. I wouldn’t even say he’s my manager, he’s just the UW I work with on all of my deals.
Some backstory getting into that though, which isn’t the main issue. I’ve been working with this company for about a year working in lending. Before joining up I had a few years experience already on the lending side. I was laid off, took this job, which ended up being a bit of a step back from my title and comp but it’s a different kind of lending and I was just happy to get my career going again.
Everything is mostly great, the deals are interesting and sophisticated enough, my boss is sharp and very respected, the other analysts seem smart and cool enough, everything but this guy. Since day 1 this guy has treated me like I’m stupid. Has always spoken to me like I’m basically 100% brand new, knowing I have years of experience. This kind of lending is a bit different, there’s some learning curve, but he’s explaining things to me that I obviously know and having me to trivial exercises as “homework” that I obviously know as well. I always tried being nice and letting him know I know this or relate it to my previous experience, but it’s like it’s in one ear and out the other without acknowledging a word I said. I’ve been here for almost a year, so thankfully this behavior has mostly stopped, but I swear he was doing this on purpose and it wasn’t like he was genuinely trying to teach me anything. I say this because this isn’t the worst, bear with me.
The way this guy talks to me is like he’s always put out with me. Constantly sighing when I speak. When I make solid, good points, he NEVER acknowledges anything I said. Thank god there are other people on these deals as well, and they will acknowledge it. He will not. But if anyone else makes the same points, he will 100% acknowledge it and agree. With me it’s like pulling teeth to get him to acknowledge and agree to anything I ever say. His tone to me is like he’s always annoyed and I’m a bother to work with somehow. It really has discouraged me from contributing because there have been multiple times he has pushed back on my points but then someone else agrees with me and he will immediately back down and move on. It’s so weird. All of my analysis and work is replied with confusion and basically “I’m not following” (pretty hard not follow some simple analysis but it’s just a cop out to avoid using my work) … but if it comes from someone else we work with it’s “great job!”…you get the picture. It’s so frustrating never having my analysis looked at most of the time. I don’t need the praise, I just don’t want to waste my damn time putting analysis together that won’t be used or even reviewed.
Obviously with this treatment after a year, I’ve really grown to not like him, but I just don’t even like him as a person. He’s pretty cringe and very, very obviously fake. His personality is hard to pin down because he’s always copying things people say. A client will say something on a call then that will be something he starts saying, for example. But things one nonspecific example out of so much. I don’t like how he operates as the “senior” on the team. He’s often very lost and he’s always getting flustered on calls. I am astonished he has made it this far and is supposed to be the “lead” on these deals. His incompetency is known not just by me however, but I won’t get too far into that.
Now, I’m skipping many many details and examples here obviously but to try and summarize, this incompetent senior that I have to work with daily hates me for no reason and sucks up to pretty much everyone else in the most obvious and lame way imaginable. I’m pretty sure he knows I hate him too because at this point I don’t even try and be pleasant with him. I have tried and tried and that time has passed. Once I realized how bad he was at his job, I started to not really give a shit what he thinks about me. I do my job and do it well and am confident in my own skills and abilities. As mentioned, I had a few years experience beforehand and worked with many people and this is my first time experiencing this kind of treatment and behavior from anyone much less a senior. My end of year review with my boss went well, which I was unsure of because my boss was probably getting a lot of feedback for him (but I don’t think my boss respects him either honestly, judging by how my boss communicates to him).
Anyways, not sure exactly what I aim to gain from this post. I’m not thinking of quitting and don’t want to at all. Maybe some advice? I wish this guy was actually good at his job then I would maybe try to figure out our differences but I’ve given it enough time and tried as I mentioned and now that he makes my work even harder since he sucks at his own job, I really stopped caring. I just wish I worked with someone that I had a good working relationship with and didn’t have to deal with this.
Based on the most helpful WSO content, dealing with an incompetent and difficult colleague, especially one in a senior position, can be incredibly frustrating. Here are some actionable steps to navigate this situation:
Focus on Your Work and Reputation:
Continue to produce high-quality work and ensure that others on the team recognize your contributions. It seems like your boss respects your abilities, which is a good sign. Keep building that rapport with your boss and other team members to solidify your reputation.
Document Everything:
Keep a record of your work, emails, and any interactions with this individual. This can serve as evidence of your contributions and professionalism if any issues arise.
Leverage Other Team Members:
Since others on the team acknowledge your points and analysis, try to collaborate more with them. If possible, present your work in group settings where others can validate your contributions, reducing the reliance on this individual.
Minimize Direct Engagement:
Limit unnecessary interactions with this person. Focus on mission-critical communication and avoid engaging in personal or non-essential discussions. This aligns with advice from WSO threads on dealing with toxic colleagues.
Seek Feedback from Trusted Sources:
If your boss or other team members are approachable, seek their feedback on your work. This can help you bypass the dismissive behavior of this individual and ensure your efforts are recognized.
Stay Professional:
Even if you dislike this person, maintain professionalism. Avoid showing open disdain, as it could reflect poorly on you. Instead, channel your frustration into excelling at your role.
Consider Long-Term Goals:
If this individual’s behavior continues to hinder your growth or morale, start thinking about your long-term career trajectory. While you’re not considering quitting now, it’s always good to keep an eye on opportunities that align with your goals and values.
Protect Your Mental Health:
Working with someone like this can be draining. Make sure to set boundaries, take breaks, and find ways to decompress outside of work.
Remember, as one WSO thread aptly puts it, "The only thing you can control is you—your own effort, how you react to things, and what you care about." Keep your focus on what you can control, and don’t let this individual’s behavior derail your progress.
Sources: How to deal with that associate??, Dealing with an incompetent boss, Incompetent Coworker, No VP Promote from Sr. Associate - Seeking Advice, My boss just tore me a new one and I don't know what to do differently
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