Dating Advice / Troubles
I wanted to poll the hive here on how to improve my dating prospects. For some background, I'm 26 (as of a week ago), live in NYC, born / grew up / went to school in the US, and now work in finance. Career-wise, things are going well for me. It's hard to differentiate yourself on the 2+2 part of the path since everyone is more or less the same but I was lucky to have gone to a solid UG Ivy, work at a top EB, and now I've ended up in PE at a MF. When I was in high school, I had the typical Asian/Indian parents which prioritized academics, college applications, accomplishments over a full-fledged social life. I started to realize this was not the way in college but overcoming a whole childhood of not having romantic interactions with women is not easy. I was a bit lost while in college and had basically no success in dating. I had a few one-night stands but nothing meaningful other than that. This could've been me dropping the ball and not knowing how to follow-up but can't live in the past. In my first few years in the city, I had put on a little weight and COVID hit so I lost a good year and a half of my early 20s. It's taken me a while to get back to a healthy weight and I'm still on the way there but I look pretty good compared to before. Regardless, I basically have no success on dating apps (literally zero matches) and meeting people in-person is easy but it's hard for me to tell if someone is interested or not especially since I missed out on the formative years of figuring that sort of thing out in high school and college.
Now I'm 26 and still single. I'm not an ugly person (though could lose a few pounds), a good height at a smidge over 6'0", and have a pretty good personality. I only mention this because, often times people assume something is wrong in these areas when someone asks for dating advice. I don't think having a certain job entitles me to anything either and I only mentioned it earlier as a way to establish that I'm not a complete loser, which is the next usual assumption. Further, I don't think I'd be in the position I'm in today if I had some serious personality flaw (anxiety, lack of social EQ, lack of "confidence"). Yet, clearly something is missing and wrong. I can't really ask my friends in real life about this anymore because they've started to move-in with significant others, settle-down, etc and none of them have really had this little success with dating. Even the bookish and awkward dudes I know happened to have at one-point or in the present met a woman that's quite similar to them. I have friends who are fat, short, not well kept that do really well on either the apps or just caught someone early in college that they held on to. The lack of confidence / abundance of insecurity idea never made much sense to me either as I don't think it describes me as a person and I know extremely insecure people that find women that will put up with how annoying they are about that stuff. I don't know that many people that go out in-person to hit on women at bars to be honest either. I know that's the internet mantra of changing your success in dating but being a dude out alone at a bar to pickup women in NYC seems weird as fuck (tell me if I'm wrong for anyone who's lived here or if you've done it and I'm just being soft about it). I used to have the "work/focus on yourself first and then things will work out" mentality but I'm starting to see people pair-off and it's weird to have missed out on this fundamental and human experience during the part of your life that were supposed to be the prime years for it.
I'd love to hear any advice from older folks on this forum who may have been in similar shoes, known people in similar situations, etc that could weigh in on what I could do to change my success in this arena. The dial right now and for the past 2 years has been at a 0 and I want to crank it clock-wise even slightly if not dramatically to improve my chances.
Not tryna be an asshole but you just described yourself as good looking, successful, charismatic, confident, etc. If you were all of these things as much as you think you are then you probably wouldn’t be having this problem. Sounds like you have a pretty big blind spot with self evaluation.
Zero matches on dating apps is pretty mad, and girls aren’t jobs admissions. The type of confidence and personality that is attractive has almost no correlation to the EQ to land a job.
True, maybe the post came off the wrong way as self-aggrandizing. I'm having trouble figuring it out what's wrong with me and while I'm not a social recluse, there isn't someone in my personal life that I can go to about this because they just have never faced that issue. How would you go about self-evaluation in this context? With my results, my self-evaluation is an issue exists but how do I go about changing those circumstances?
savage
.
deleted
If you’re PE at a MF skip dating and go get some escorts with the dating experience, much cheaper
Got shredded (easy mode on dating apps, and Im not tall mind you, like 5'7 - 5'8 on a good day), got richer, stopped walking around with headphones on all the time (this one is legit I'm tellingyou) and when on dates just stopped treating it like a fucking job interview talk more about the deep stuff what they want to become what your ambitions are talk about the people walking by blablabla but at the end I really think it comes down to how much shits you give and if you have balls or not you wrote that you often don't know if they are interested or not well shit bro you gotta find out somehow so you need try and get some experience it will be painful at first but you weren't able to walk the day you were born you had to fall and get up and try again its the same shit so my final advice to you would be to get in shape which you sound like you are not in and by in shape I mean above average not like kinda in shape if you don't see your abs you are not in shape get lean and then slowly build muscle without adding too much fat in the process if your abs then start vanish you go on a diet again and repeat and second if your goal is to ltr a chick you have to let her initiate that shit even if you are clingy as fuck (which I just assume you will be) you will just chase everyone away and end up with your dick in your hand in the end and third get out of your fuckinghead dude you sound like a pussy try cocaine once or twice and remember how less of shit you gave during that time and just give less of shit especially when it comes to girls they are humans too and are by miles more insecure that us dudes I can tell you that good luck
This is all good advice even if it's word vomit. Not sure why the downvotes are there.
CarsnWatches
GoLiftSomeWeightsBro
dude you sound like a pussy try cocaine once or twice and remember how less of shit you gave during that time and just give less of shit especially when it comes to girls they are humans too and are by miles more insecure that us dudes I can tell you that good luck
Yeah I cant find anything, and I do mean anything, in his post that would be deemed "unhelpful" or just outright terrible advice
I didnt throw MS but this is a very interesting perspective
What industry is "L"?
Legal
Loser
Username checks out
If you need cocaine to land dates, you've got bigger problems than the OP.
While I'm not exactly condoning illegal drug use, I think he was referring to using it more to get out of a funk, not to land dates. Using drugs to get out of funks or change behavior is becoming more and more common.
“Would you fuck me for blow?”
- Bloodhound Gang, Ballad of Chasey Lain
I’m in the exact same situation except I’ve had no luck getting with women. Still a virgin 😞. I am 20 just turned 20 the other month. Some of my friends are older than me and have had multiple girlfriends or experience, when they start talking about their love lives it’s hard for me.
I was isolated, verbally abused by peers, teachers and some of the teachers use to take pride in humiliating me in front of the whole class. I was ignored by everyone in my school year for just over a year, I developed a monotone voice ( it’s gone now). Its not the verbal comments that get you it’s the isolation (developed a tough skin) left high school with such a lack of confidence I found it really hard in college, it was slightly better but still not great. I had sort of regained my voice. It was not until Covid hit and I was alone again like so many times before. I decided to start doing what I wanted to do and being the person I wanted to be, started University studying finance, still online lectures but this was beneficial I could speak my mind and answer questions in class something I’d never really done before over a computer. When I then went into uni the first time I had confidence to dress how I wanted, speak and ask questions. It was great. Even talked to some girls in the groups we were put in and made some friends.
Now it’s the next step. Because of my isolation during high school I have no idea how to,
1, text talk,
2, pick up on hints (Does any guy really know how to pick up on a woman’s hints let’s be real 😂)
3, make hints, I’m either way off or say something that’s to obvious that could just be taken as a joke.
I’ve got bad luck when it comes to girls, I always fall for the girl who has a boyfriend ( find out they have a boyfriend later on, not pursuing women I know have a boyfriend. But wants I’ve fallen it’s hard for me to sort of move on and find someone else someone single. Doesn’t help I’m a very patient guy)
There’s this girl, we know each other worked with each other in projects, in the same friendship group. She wanted a picture of me in a suit, I thought why not, I send a message she reply’s instantly sometimes I send a message and 1-2 days later no response. I leave this done to my ability to not be able to text talk, or talk well over text.
I don’t use dating apps, people I know are in the same area, flicking through a friends I seen 7 people I knew. Plus I can’t imagine getting any matches.
I got a little brother, social, had the life I didn’t in high school, has a girlfriend rubbing it in constantly. It makes it a lot worse.
Im torn between just focusing on my study’s or actually trying to put myself out there.
Im in a very similar situation as the person who created this post. So please, please 🙏 any help/advise would be greatly appreciated.
I feel ridiculous responding to two posts in this topic, particularly because I am as far as can be from an authority on these issues. That said, you sound like you 100% need to get out of your head, and it will alleviate most of your issues. When you are texting, you should either be talking about something specific, making little jokes along the way, or planning to hang out. Until you're actually dating someone, you don't need to be in constant communication about nonsense. In terms of talking to girls more generally, just talk about whatever you find interesting. Don't treat women like a sexual puzzle to be solved. Not only is it a toxic and ultimately unsatisfying way to navigate the world, but it doesn't even work (unless you're incredibly attractive, in which case it's an easy puzzle in the first place). If you just talk about whatever you find interesting, and are interested in learning about what they find interesting, you develop actual rapport, you come off as more confident (because you aren't trying to play some stupid mental chess game so the conversation flows more freely), and you ultimately become more attractive. In terms of picking up hints, as I said below - it's obvious. If a girl wants to hook up with you, you won't be too clueless for too long.
The one dumb piece of advice that unfortunately is real is that you should probably get a bit better at sexual innuendo. It doesn't need to be complicated - I am baffled and amazed at how much mileage I have gotten in my lifetime out of the phrase "I bet you do." But it's helpful to develop a slight instinct for heightening the "sexual stakes" of a conversation. It shouldn't be constant and it shouldn't be the only thing you do during conversation, but it's occasionally helpful.
Also, the least helpful but most true piece of advice is that at 20 years old, you are still not in real life. The landscape for dating shifts dramatically in the next 5 years, and then shifts dramatically again in the subsequent 5 years, so even if this is not your ideal landscape, the next one may be substantially more fruitful.
I sent you a dm, read it if you are genuinely interested in getting honest feedback.
In terms of success on the apps, your profile is probably 50x worse than you think. When I was playing the app game, I was consistently getting fewer matches than I thought seemed reasonable and it was because my profile was awful. My advice would be to ask your female friends / friends' girlfriends to look at your profile and help you improve it. You'd be amazed how differently girls view pictures and the little info blurbs relative to how you perceive your own answers. For example, I had several responses that I thought were funny, but were actually way too esoteric and only made people laugh if they knew me well. I also had several photos that I thought were cool but were in fact just unflattering. I was also terrible about taking photos in general (as in I never was one to post on social media a lot) so I didn't have a great pool to draw from for new pictures. Solution? I had to consciously ask people to take pictures each time we hung out. Again, girls tend to be pros at this. The simple act of asking for female feedback and implementing whatever advice was recurring drastically altered my success on the apps, and if you have never asked anyone, even their worst advice will still probably be an improvement. If you really want to kick it up a notch, you can use photofeeler.com to get anonymous feedback on which of your pictures look better - it's cringe but it works.
Also, not apps are created equal. In NYC the only one I know of anyone seeing success with in the last several years is Hinge, and I've heard that even that has gotten a lot worse now that they implemented the "rose" system. So you should ask your single friends that do better on the apps which ones they use.
In terms of your ability to pick up on hints and things like that in real life, I unfortunately don't have much advice other than to try not to overthink it. Usually there are some pretty obvious physical cues (touch, messing with her hair, etc...) that make it clear someone is interested. If they don't seem interested, they're probably not, and you can't be overbearing at that point. If you think they're interested, they probably are (especially given you seem to fall on the less confident end of the scale to begin with).
I’m sure women can improve his already bad profile but women give awful advice on dating apps
you need to find a guy whose good with women, and seek his advice out
women really have no idea what they are attracted to
This. Don't ask your female friends. They are good with fixing dating profiles (haven't used one in years but it did help when I was single to get their pair of eyes on it). Male friends who "get it" are the best to ask.
Also OP besides your undergrad, I doubt most girls on an app would be able to tell what type of company an EB is. Similar with PE (maybe Blackstone is an exception in the MF as it's a pretty household name).
Look, your mileage may vary. When I was improving my dating profile, I asked guy friends that had success on the apps, and I asked female friends that were broadly in the "type" that I liked, and got some good and some bad advice from all of them, but net-net it was a massive improvement. The broader point is that there is no shame in asking for help and it will (in all likelihood) actually result in improvement.
Go hit the gym, get bigger/bulkier, dress nicer, and be interesting/get some hobbies. Then go on Hinge (not Tinder because that's where sluts/hoes go) and I guarantee you'll have better luck.
Also relationships are highly overrated, and aren't supposed to make you happy (they're supposed to enhance your existing happiness/awesome life).
Too true. A relationship is a double-edged sword. Key is balance.
You don’t have to be ok to win in dating, especially in dating apps, you have to be able to be memorable. That doesn’t mean finance success btw, that is a comfort trait but not an emotional trait for peaking a women’s interest
right off the bat sounds like you have big room to improve physically. Saying you aren’t fat but can lose a few pounds means you are likely noticeable overweight, especially in a city like New York, because no one ever thinks they are as fat as they typically are when describing themselves online. And btw “not being fat” isn’t good enough. Being skinny isn’t good enough. You need to prioritize fitness and get some degree of muscle definition and below 15% body fat but ideally closer to 12% to even have a chance with online dating. You can get to a good place here in a 6 months to a year depending on starting spot and how serious you take diet and fitness
secondly is you need reps to boost confidence. Be ready to fail, be ok with failing, and learn to love failing. You will make awkward mistakes with future chicks, you will get your heart broken, you will get Ghosted. Seek this out and learn from it and improve. Most guys go through this for the first time in their teens and college, so you will have to be ok with taking it on the chin and getting back on your feet quickly but I guarantee you in time this will build confidence as you will learn more about yourself and what women want when dating a guy. IMO you have to move quick here so look at anything such as speed dating, dating apps, singles groups, etc to just get used flirting and dating. You are forgiven some awkwardness at your age, but if you get to your 30s with no experience you may just be completely fucked
lastly get a hobby that puts you in contact with other people and ideally one that also helps with fitness. Can you join a spin class, rock climbing gym, sports team, or something? You need this NOT to meet women but to meet people / make friends and become interesting, so when you actually go on dates you have something to talk about. Also can be great to make friends that are chicks just to again build that muscle. If you get a date from one of these groups that’s a plus but don’t go joining groups with the sole goal of meeting women because:
- women smell that a mile away
and
- it sets you up to fail
I could probably provide more pointed dating app feedback if you provided profile details. Happy to help
All great advice and agree that he needs to get reps, but bruh life doesn’t end at 30 and especially not dating. There’s no ‘rush’ but agree he needs reps and the more the better
I agree that dating for sure doesn’t end at 30, that’s a lifelong journey for many
but in terms of social development that stuff compounds a bit as you get older. If you hit your 30s as a kissless virgin , especially when all your peers are now married or in relationships and anyone single is divorced then you are setting yourself up for a hard time
nyc in 20s puts you around so many people that you need to take advantage to have that growth
What hobbies do you have? I don't mean this in the wrong way. I hear this advice a lot but realistically I know very few people with real hobbies in their early 20s in NYC. I get why people share the advice but I went to a similar school to OP where a lot of people end up in NYC and none of them have real hobbies and the workout classes I've gone to have basically no social engagement between people. This might be a NY thing compared to other cities where people are friendlier / more outgoing with strangers.
Weight lifting
swimming
rock climbing
running
writing
camping
skiing
traveling
rec sports
basically anything active. Agree that city life can make some hobbies harder to find while others easier (ex: improv, theater, networking)
.
It's all a numbers game. Treat it like any sales funnel.
Use that one app that allows you to receive picture ratings to figure out which ones to use.
Get on as many apps as possible
Experiment with copy
Then once dates roll in, ONLY do coffee dates for date #1 b/c they are very time effective. If it goes well -> dinner date.
Again, this is a #s game. Losing fast is much better than dragging anything out.
Maybe different for others, but for me, when I met my fiance, I found she was noticeably easier to talk to/get along with than other dates I had been on by a factor of 4x.
I know I am probably going to get hate, but if you think of it as a numbers game, then you are going to have a hard time actually making any real connections.
Just fun gamification. :)
meant it more as not to get demoralized by rejection
.
wtf no. Get some hobbies/develop some interests instead. No girl (whose high value) wants to go out with a guy who works at a grocery store, sorry.
Advice from the neighborhood perv.
Is one of your client's PortCo's facing an employee shortage? This is one way to fill the gap haha
Are you South Asian? Trying to confirm something
Edit: Why am I getting monkey shit for just asking a question lmao
Username checks out.
Because you're a fucking racist. It's 2022. If you mention anything aside from #bidenismydaddy, you're an absolutely and unequivocal piece of shit.
Get with the times. Fascism is IN.
Time to take responsibility for your own actions. At this point, your upbringing from your Indian/Asain parents and the effect that has had on your own life is a sunk cost. YOU at the end of the day, are liable for finding someone who you can share your experience and journey with. Respectfully, instead of b**ching on WSO - time to take extreme ownership, apply your same hard work and dedication towards finance (coffee chats, interviews etc) towards finding a suitable partner. You got this champ!
P.S. Lose the weight - you have no one to blame but yourself
#extremeownership
Further, I don't think I'd be in the position I'm in today if I had some serious personality flaw (anxiety, lack of social EQ, lack of "confidence").
you'd be surprised how many low EQ mofos are in high paying finance roles lol
I'm a conventionally attractive guy (6'2, goes to the gym frequently, college athlete and was in a prestigious frat, currently works in APAC PE) who gets a bunch of female attention in person but not on apps. I get like 1-2 likes a week across Hinge, Bumble and Tinder and barely any matches.
To be honest I think all dating apps fuck with the algorithm so I'm not shown to girls for some reason. Whenever I use Tinder's "blind date" feature, 90% of the girls like me regardless of how the conversation goes once they see my profile/face.
I think most of the people would agree that these apps show the most attractive users (or most "engaged" profiles) first. I would question how good your profile is. Get some women to give you feedback. Take out that one picture of that fish you caught back when you vacationed in Cancun, because all the other guys have one too. You want to stand out from the crowd of losers.
It's just a few generic photos outdoors in good lighting showing some of my sports-related hobbies. I avoid cliche photos like gym pictures, nightclub photos, etc (besides, those aren't the type of women I want to attract).
I don't have a bio or look like I put in much effort though, that might be a contributing factor.
If true then it’s likely how you’re selling yourself. Ie pics, profile, etc that’s not appealing to women
literally using bumble I can drive through a city like Chicago and have 50+ matches in my que just in that 30 min drive , so something on your end may need tweaking
For some reason, it won't let me pm you, but if you want to get honest feedback on your dating profile and just redact your personal info, feel free to pm me.
Reading your post, it sounds alike you have 0 social skills.
Relationship with girls is different than academics, girls are not logical but EMOTIONAL. You need to be able to provide both up and down emotions, make them chase, be fun, be the adventure. Girls love this.
Also up your social skills.
If you need to, read some pickup books (don’t apply everything in there, but just to rewire your overly logical boring brain)
also obviously go to the gym and lose these extra pounds, get better clothing, nice haircut, perfume, etc.
Why do you think he has no social skills?
I can almost guarantee that your friends who are out there getting laid aren't asking for dating advice on a finance forum. Jesus christ I'm worried for humanity.
What's the time value of me getting laid?
There's no shame is asking for feedback - that's how you get better - and this site has all kinds of random shit. Get over yourself.
And the ones who aren’t getting laid are out wearing pussy hats and leading women’s marches
at least this dude is trying
You could start by changing that username
Dude seriously? First of all, working in MF PE allows no time for dating in your situation. A guy who does well with women will be fine dating even w/ MF PE but a guy who's already having a ton of trouble isn't going to find it any easier going into MF PE. You are not the former. Find a job that is 60hrs a week, develop some actual hobbies, hit the gym, and then shoot your shot again on the apps. Otherwise you're going to be asking these exact same questions when your MF stint is over
Just listen to Patrice O'neal. Landing a job is not the same as getting women. Dating apps are useless not to say you have 0 matches which is unheard of tbh so you need to change your mirrors ngl. Fat people get laid and so do ugly people go to nightclubs and try to talk to every women you see, youll gain loads of confidence trust me.
Not sure how to say I think I can help without sounding brutal, but would like to think I have decent advice to give here. Always feel free to PM
Can't PM you, but curious what you have to say about this.
Why not, is my account not letting you?
Well anyways, there are the obvious parts:
physically you should be working on getting into better shape, getting sun, taking care of your teeth/facial hair/haircut, wearing clothes that fit/look good on you (ask girl friends, I'm not asking you to 'dress up' just look not get marked off because you look ridiculous (I doubt this is the problem, but we're covering bases). I'm not saying look like you're in the military, you could have a casual 5 oclock shadow and long hair and kill, but just know what looks best on you and do it right
mentally its been harped on enough here -- confidence (the above will help with this to a degree, but you'll always have to fake some of this)
Okay, now, the finer details. Once you've got yourself into a decent spot above, we start taking shots. Understanding ***YOUR*** best game is critical. Don't emulate any one person. Definitely take some from others, but know the finer parts of your personality and play off of them.
Humor: incredibly important, but don't try to be someone you're not. Lightly test out little quips and see what gets the best response. Don't just do the same dogshit jokes you make with your buddies, unless she likes those, then rip em. Figuring out what her interests/beliefs are and making jokes that align with them are easy layups. ex. She's a hardcore lib/conservative and you play into what's going on in current events etc. Self deprecating humor is great in LIGHT doses at first. Making fun of yourself once is great at first to show your humility, but 5x will make her think you're a cuck.
Communication: eye contact (not too much don't be a weird ass) and body language are big as far as non-verbal goes. But when you're actually communicating, a huge rule to remember is confidence =/= machismo (stupid word but it fits perfectly). ex. I was at a bar with a guy and he was extremely good looking. Every girl loved him, but he was the cockiest dude you've ever met. I, on the other hand, am very upbeat, outgoing, and friendly. I separated myself from him, went up to groups of girls separately, and when they found out I was with him they were put off, but then I commiserated with them about what a dickhead he was and they all were so relieved to hear it they couldn't stop talking to me. The guy was the best wingman I've ever had. (if anyone wants to cry at this he was a friend of a friend I had no connection with him until that night).
Of all of this, the #1 thing I could say that has helped me the most BY FAR is to find a way to combine confidence/manliness w/ kindness/approachability. In the end most do want a strong man but they also want someone they feel safe around and can talk to easily. Girls so so so often feel like they're being preyed on. You've got to help them get their guard down. That means NEVER EVER getting mad if something doesn't go your way (they turn down your drink/advance). Not caring and keeping a smile on your face and giving them space is not only an attractive thing to do, its the right thing regardless. Talk to them about things that they'd talk about with their friends (know womens clothing and call it the right thing when you complement it; bring up how a certain person at the bar looks just like that character of About Time (the best rom com ever). Showing them you can be a man but aren't insecure enough to talk about girl things/be lightly effeminate is very fun for them. It makes you come off less aggressive and they'll be far more likely to shoot the shit with you.
Reminder: this is (obviously) not easy. I just spewed a lot of bullshit, but it has worked 238.5% of the time.
Miscellaneous: Don't be needy, don't keep texting if you're getting aired, don't move too fast if things are going well (once a week MAX to start, but I'd prefer 1x ever 2 wks at first)
Ok - I'll start off kind of like a bit of, ok a huge ass.
I'm objectively very good looking and charismatic when I try - I know this to be a fact.
I had a LOT of success with women starting with my mid-20s and lasting through my late 30s.
But when I graduated college at 23 - I had slept with only 1 girl and had made out with 2 more. Literally got past 1st base with only 3 women...and not for lack of trying or lack of socializing (I went to a very large state school and did not need a lot of studying in college).
The point of the above is that, on paper, it should not have been very hard for me to get together with more girls - but it seemed very very hard for me at the time.
If I look back at what I was doing wrong - some things that come to mind:
1) There's no other way around it - I had an enormous fear of rejection. I would have rather not tried and not get rejected - than to try 10 times, get rejected 9 times, and get 1 girl. This is definitely a perfectionist thing - and something I had to work to overcome. This is your biggest enemy
2) Probably largely bc of #1 above, I never gave off a vibe to a girl that I am interested. I had MANY girls I was interested in -- but didn't allow myself to show it to them. This will hold you back from forming any connections - you have to be willing to show your interest.
3) Lack of experience. This one is just like your career. The less experience you have, the less likely someone will give you a chance to get the experience you need.
You just need to be willing to fail until you get a few chances to get the ball rolling. The more experience you have engaging with women romantically - the better at it you'll get.
Someone else said it is like working on a muscle - the more work you put in the stronger your muscle will be (even if you fail).
4) Confidence. Showing confidence is key and the more experience you get the more confident you'll be. In terms of interacting in person - I cannot stress enough - you need to look at a woman in her eyes. Eye contact is a huge sign of confidence and for me was an absolute game changer once I started focusing on it.
The point here is that I can attest to the fact that simple things like the above can be a huge impediment to your success with women - but if you work on it - you may not get as many women as I did (I'm an ass again) but you will be much more successful.
Online dating can be tough - i'll be honest, I never fully figured out how to navigate that with a ton of success. I had some success there, but I was MUCH more successful meeting girls in person. I have read, and believe, that the online game is tough for both girls and guys. 90% of guys are going after 1% of girls. 90% of girls are going after 1% of guys. Great getting for the top 1% - but even if you are like top 10% it can be pretty tough sledding.
The good news for you is you live in NYC and I have never lived anywhere where I was more successful. There is no better place to be a single man than in NYC.
For another ray of sunshine - one other poster said if you dont get more experience by 30 you're in trouble. He was DEAD WRONG. I wrote this on another thread - just know that every year you get older - your universe of potential mates grows. By your mid 30s your universe of potential mates will be larger by as much as a factor of 10x than it is now.
So there's some instant confidence for you - know that when you approach a woman you'll continue aging like fine wine (especially if you keep working on yourself) - while women (for dating purposes) age more like they have an expiration date (sorry women on here, are there any?)...
Yeah.
Laser eye contact, lean back and relax, insert emotional and physical spikes (push/pull), don’t be needy, show confidence, talk about your passions, build some rapport (both personal stuff and also random stuff that allow you to change topics a lot which creates “oh we can talk about everything”), go for the pull.
Simply the fact of actually trying to get girls home (if that’s what you want) instead of the “nice to see you and goodbye kiss” at the end of the date like a spineless virgin multiplies your results by 3-4x.
As for online dating, you need some good pics, good prompts, don’t be too logical, don’t talk for hours. 3-4 texts and exchange insta/WhatsApp to plan for the date. No selfies.
Each year you get older, you gain more and more leverage/value while women depreciate
The advice / feedback on this thread ranges from helpful to terrible. I took away from OPs post that he's not that weird or an out of pocket introvert and was probably level-setting that he's pretty normal to get higher quality feedback. Realistically, unless OP works at Apollo (or a similar value/excel-oriented sweatshop), most MFs won't hire a closet introvert these days when there is a such a large pool of people to choose from. Not sure what people's perception is of the big firms but they have become so institutionalized that the weirdos get screened out pretty quickly. For example, a few comments say OP needs to learn to make eye contact with women. I don't know if you could get a job at a large firm in a client / management team facing role without making eye-contact with people (including women). To summarize what's in the thread so far:
Helpful
Unhelpful / Bad Takes
Let's start with the generous but probably fair assumption that this is a well adjusted and social person that just lacks experience in flirting / escalating. I'd say that requires improving your first impression (improving your looks, presenting yourself well) which is feedback mentioned in the helpful category. This opens up the funnel to meeting more people in general. People are nicer and assume better of good looking people. I'm not really sure how to give advice on the flirting / escalating part as it's pretty natural to me and it's something learned from experience. Putting yourself out there more helps but learning to tread the fine line of doing those things in a direct (but simultaneously indirect way) is a fine line to thread. Someone else may be better suited with actionable advice on this point as a starting point.
Et porro facere ut impedit voluptatem. Aut praesentium cum et nulla. Aliquam inventore iusto sit sint repellat.
Sunt dolorum corrupti distinctio ipsum. Quia quia dolor ducimus nemo non ullam.
Quas aliquam qui pariatur. Voluptatem facere error sed minima. Ut ut molestiae quia provident inventore cupiditate. Nisi quis est molestiae quia ipsum aliquid. Fugit ab sequi ut est occaecati et aperiam.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Autem ut repudiandae et ut necessitatibus accusamus et. Soluta qui quo delectus amet iusto. Aliquam accusantium iusto inventore rem.
Fugit debitis esse eos impedit est dolorem. Odio nisi aut vitae voluptate. Quia cum ipsam quaerat fuga pariatur. Minus harum aperiam vitae incidunt.
Dolorem et laboriosam qui iusto itaque a. Aut et aut rerum ut asperiores.
At quia quae sint. Eum voluptate ullam fugiat provident.
Suscipit consequuntur et deserunt tenetur. Maxime voluptas sit ipsam assumenda. Alias natus suscipit natus illo. Qui hic aliquid ea fugit ducimus. Ea placeat voluptas iusto. Autem reiciendis eveniet et temporibus sit aut. Sit dolore autem veritatis minus.
Nihil et amet accusamus. Vel quasi rerum provident error. Consectetur occaecati iste nihil labore impedit ex enim. Facilis est id et rerum. Consequatur est sit libero dolor iusto.
Dolor autem et ea impedit. Placeat unde ullam ex voluptas ullam quibusdam earum aut.
Quia saepe ut vero sed inventore modi voluptas ad. Quo accusamus ullam perspiciatis temporibus quisquam.