Dating Life as a Female Banking Analyst

Starting this thread as a second-year female banking analyst because I've been curious about what dating life is really like for banking gals in their early 20s. Personally, I'm into dating finance bros (non fboys to be clear). I find associates and above especially attractive - they seem more stable and possibly more interested in something long-term as opposed to one-night stands.

That said, I know work-life balance can be tough during the first few years in banking. My finance friends have shared their takes on dating girls in the industry, but love to hear firsthand experiences and perspectives. Any honest opinions and insights would be appreciated!

Have you ever seen a guy in banking dating an IB girl with a lower title (if yes feel free to elaborate in the comments)?

Yes and they work at the same bank
26% (104 votes)
Yes and they work at different banks
28% (112 votes)
No never come across a couple like that
45% (177 votes)
Total votes: 393
78 Comments
 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 

Interesting observation but I've seen many white couples where both partners work in grindy IB/PE shops. Are you not seeing any female bankers dating successful men in high finance?

 

To be honest, I'm at gs/jpm/ms and plan to stay but I've genuinely never seen it. I have heard of few elite power couples tho so if you date around and manage to pull that off its sick. You're going to have to try a lot because most guys in ib just wont deal with that long term and a lot of those power couples get together late in their careers after not being able to mantain their former relationships/marriages. It is a tough situation becuase you want the top 1 percentile of guys but most won't even consider you. You're pool is small so try around a bit and be open and honest about your view on relationships and family etc. Goodluck...

 

Survivorship bias...That power couple fantasy ruins a lot of women. Too many women are holding out for it but most of them don't qualify for it, and there aren't enough qualified men that want to date or marry another man. Many of those relationships aren't as glamorous as they look from the outside either.

 

aso2,

-no sane and decent looking white guy would date a banker. Have seen few asains and indians doing this tho. If you were a guy would you rather come home to another tired girl with an attitude or a girl who does nothing with her life and is joyful to give head and whatever else you want with food ready playing with your hair and Its all about the kids too and what type of shitty kids will they be if they dont have a great mother avaliable for whatever they need 24/7. Its also great leverage to do whatever you want.

-my honest advice would be look for nerdy asain guys, your best shot at it. Imagine a Uchicago citi banker.

By the way, the correct spelling of Asain is Asian.

 

Yeah, I’ve heard it’s more common for traditional Indian men to want subservient wives, because that’s how it worked in their culture.  Doesn’t work with highly educated modern Indian women, though. 

 

aso2,

-no sane and decent looking white guy would date a banker. Have seen few asains and indians doing this tho. If you were a guy would you rather come home to another tired girl with an attitude or a girl who does nothing with her life and is joyful to give head and whatever else you want with food ready playing with your hair and Its all about the kids too and what type of shitty kids will they be if they dont have a great mother avaliable for whatever they need 24/7. Its also great leverage to do whatever you want.

-my honest advice would be look for nerdy asain guys, your best shot at it. Imagine a Uchicago citi banker.

the misogyny is revolting 

 

Couldn’t agree more with the first comment.

IB girls are just not attractive nor desirable. They tend to be masculine, too assertive, and too stressed out/moody to be desirable over the long term. Also, all the late nights and stress take a massive toll on their looks. All else equal, a girl with minimal stress who ends her workday at 4 PM will look WAY better than an overworked girl who works till 2 AM every night. That is also true for guys. Just look at your bald, overweight MDs.

After working with many woMEN in the bullpen, I would NEVER date one. My current gf is very feminine and positive and makes me so happy. IB chicks are the complete opposite.

I get why IB chicks are insecure about these thruths and immediately pull out the “4chan” insults, but they have to realize their lifestyle is not attractive to most masculine men.

If you notice, a lot of IB/PE chicks tend to date beta males because those are the only types of guys who will tolerate their BS. This could likely be why the first comment suggests to date a nerdy Asian.

No hate toward IB chicks, but after being around them constantly, I could honestly never date one. No way.

 

First comment poster.
-you said exactly what I said but in a much less direct and a bit less vulgar tone.
The bottom line is they’re not good and the Asian beta thing is exactly correct.
+1

 

I'll answer yes but with a caveat (hopefully the content is still vaguely useful though).

The context is that the guy is me and the gal is my wife (a more junior title in PE, not IB, but clearly a lot of the same WLB dynamics at play). Ironically we met while both at university through a friend, not while working.

On the positive side at least from my perspective: (1) we both "get the joke" about the industry causing unpredictable hours, and that has been really helpful in creating an understanding when we need to disrupt or cancel plans, or when we can't / couldn't spend the time together we'd have liked to. (2) we can share insights with each other on handling "personalities" in the industry and candidly when we just want to bitch about something it's easy to convey what the issue is and emphathise. (3) this is an ugly topic but we have comparable earnings power. That has meant we can chat about restaurants, travel, and generally just do activities together without there being any awkwardness about money. Neither of us have wealthy families to lean on so this could've been a thing. (4) very closely tied to (1) but I can picture a scenario where is she worked a 9 - 5 (or vice versa), she'd become frustrated at the lack of time and attention (e.g. doing mid-week activities together).

The negatives are exactly what you'd expect. Namely that it sucks when we cancel plans. We've had holidays where one of us is on a call during dinner and months where we've done close to nothing on the weekend. But we both "get it", and that helps a lot.

 

Two good questions. To be honest I can only have conviction on my answer to the first, as I'm just not in the second situation.

1) Yes, but I could also reflect that those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. It also provides a lot of benefits (the ones in my post). I can't really have one without the other. I also think it's important that we support each other, and if she wants to work in this career for now at least then it's selfish for me to say otherwise. Final point is that I fell in love with the woman, not her job. There are a lot of comments in this thread generalising women in the indsutry, and maybe that generalisation is valid (I'm for sure not saying I agree), but that isn't my wife's personality.

2) My answer here is just off-hand thoughts so take with a pinch of salt. I think what you're describing might happen (i.e. she gets fed up), but this is a personality trait too. That said, if she gets bored on weeknights or is fed up with a cancelled Saturday, I think that's valid, and you should communicate that. You'll instinctively want to say something like "lay off, you know it's part of my job", but I think the better response if you love her is to validate her emotions (which honestly I again do think is a fair reaction). Communicate a lot - this is more general advice, but I really failed at this at the beginning of our relationship. Don't assume she knows you miss her and were wishing you were having dinner with her rather a Doordash bento box in front of an LBO model. Trust is really key - anyone can get paranoid when their partner isn't around for long periods (and possiby difficult to contact) - I don't have any real advice here but you need to try to understand your respective levels of trust towards each other. Finally make an effort - plan fun dates and experiences. Don't just go to restaurants and bars and buy gifts; it's easy for relationships to become transactional. 

 

There is this bankers dating bankers obsession on WSO. There are so many other fish in the sea. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Preach

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

 I'm into dating finance bros (non fboys to be clear)

If they're not a current/former fuckboy, are they really a finance bro? I don't think so, would argue that's a prerequisite. 

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

Agreed that's what most girls are drawn to actually, which can be an issue because of how toxic it can get sometimes. The real question is whether those "bro-y" finance guys eventually settle down, become more grounded, and adjust their standards when it comes to dating/marriage.

 

Her entire post was such a predictable trip into the brain of a chick lmao

Not into f-boys. Suuuure. Just admit you're into guys that can pull girls, you arent fooling anyone by acting like you are above their antics

Only date associates and above for that reason. Suuuuuure. Just admit that you are attracted to men with more status, resources, and sure - 'maturity' aka willingness to use those resources on you

You gain some experience in life and you end up knowing women in their 20s better than they know themselves 

 

I'm not like other girls meme | ShopLook

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

yeah OP props for asking a question about dating and weathering all the literal bullshit from people who are trolling/incels/have never touched grass. y’all need to have some basic decency and respect for people. for context i’ve been in a relationship for 1.5+ years with a gf who works in finance; i worked in IB for 2 years before jumping ship to another finance role with better WLB.

i can’t directly answer your actual question but i hope if nothing else your post has opened your eyes a bit more to the level of hateful/sexist rhetoric which still exists in a lot of men. best of luck - i personally bounced from the IB scene because i found people to be unhealthily focused on chasing money/prestige/work over an actual happy and fulfilling life, and given that’s the case you might not be surprised to find that these people may not make the best bfs/gfs/life partners. so tread VERY carefully if you’re really set on finding an IB bf. feel free to DM me if you want to chat more with a sane human being

 

Nothing against people in the same bank dating IMO, just make sure you almost never cross paths on a pitch/deal (so perhaps something such as you work in industrials and they work in healthcare, as an example). Had a former coworker who was dating someone in another group on the DL, but there were times they were on the same pitch/deal together (one was in a product group and one was in industry coverage). When something was wrong with their relationship (which ultimately ended) it was obvious to others

 

First of all, was surprised by how immature/disrespective the comments here are. Not sure how race has to do with anything and the assumption that women in finance dont look good because they work late is ridiculous. In my bank there are amazing quality women at all levels.

Secondly, as a married 3rd year analyst, I would say that a couple which is both in finance would be perfect from an understanding point of biew, since they are aware of the hours and have similar goals.

On the other hand, banking is hard and if one of you has the time to do every-day logistics and support the banker it’s a huge help.
Maybe after the senior associate level you have enough combined income to use outside help for literally everything in your life.

In my case, I feel like my wife is doing banking with me, we’re a team in this goal and I wouldn’t be able to so it without her (one time she went abroad for like a week and it literally felt like the house is going to collapse).

 

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