Dealing with Loneliness in Finance?

Been wondering the same, could see people becoming more lonely as time goes on.

How does this work when you're past the age of 35 for example, and it's more difficult to just waltz over to a local sports league to play basketball with a bunch of 20something year olds?

Hm I'd imagine you're at least into your 30s, not sure what people do at that age to re-build a sense of community. Is this common for folk in finance? Would imagine you're past the point of going back to school, are there any hobbies or shows you have that you could spend time on during the day?

I'm not quite your age, but went through a lonely period last year that extended several months. Here are a couple things that I did to fill my time

1. Went to the gym when I could in the evening. Friday night, Saturday morning, and Sunday were guaranteed gym times for me. In this case, sometimes just being around people is nice. And now I'm one of the "regulars" and recognize 80% of the people that go when I do. Started talking to some trainers and other regulars randomly but I've never made an effort nor had the desire to move the relationship past acquaintance. 
2. Got involved in Church. I grew up in the Church, but didnt make time for it here in NYC. I made a concerted effort to go weekly and talk with some people my age (more than a handful of 20s and 30s single/couples at the Church I attend). Overtime I'd join them for lunch on Sundays, and random activities that happened on Friday or Saturdays. You would be amazed at the types of people you can meet at Church. Mostly a huge variety of backgrounds, educations, and experiences. 
3. Went on some dates when I felt like it. I wasn't actively seeking to date someone at the time, but if there was someone fun that I matched with and hit it off with I'd go out with the mentality of "I'm excited to meet someone new and have fun tonight". No expectations. I think this is important that guys often miss and put too much pressure on date
4. Read some books and gamed a bit. Books were mostly related to Church. Some evenings I'd fire up a game on my laptop to kill a little bit of time.

Overall, the city can be a very lonely place if you dont have your "group(s)" of people. I learned that more often than not, you have to make an effort to put yourself in social situations.

As one of the older guys here, I figured I would chime in to this discussion...

Unfortunately, the loneliness, and and feeling of solitude, is sadly quite common. I've seen it happen to many (perhaps most, if they don't end up married, with a family).

While in your 20s, you might make friends at work, and your extended social circle morphs to include friends of friends. You are also young enough to still be in (some) contact with people from college, or even old high school buddies. It's a lot easier in your 20s.

When you hit your 30s, you really start to lose contact with school friends, and if you don't have a social network through your colleagues, then it gets rough -- especially if not married or long term dating. (If you have a long-term relationship, it makes it easier, because then both of you kinda blend with other couples. If the relationship ends, it all goes away, in many cases, however).

I'm your 40s, if you aren't married, you'll be the odd one out, and you'll find yourself focused on work, because you have nothing else to do, etc.

My advice is to stay social however possible in your 20s, because it will be much harder in 30s or later.

A lot of us end up lonely, very lonely. Just know that you aren't alone.

If you don't have a circle of work friends, or a social circle of people you know locally, try to see if you know anyone in the same city, who you may have prior contact with (from school , etc), and try to invite them out, hopefully with a few others. That helps to gradually add to your network.

Figure out if you are into anything, like a sport, or something that might have an organized group, or something like that.

Honestly, there is no real easy answer, because it gets incredibly hard, even in your 20s.

Statistically, I read that the number of lonely single males in society is huge, and seemingly worse than ever. We end up disconnected, and it's rough, without any real clear path within adulthood.

Some firms will throw social events, etc. If your firm does, then it's usually a good way to socialize with others, and perhaps make some contacts.

At my firm, we have a suite at sporting events, etc, and the younger guys tend to get into that -- often, tending to be quite fraternal as a group, which is good.

However, the older guys at the firm don't usually have the same feeling or experience, because it tends to be a bit awkward for older guys to socialize with that same group -- it's even worse for those who aren't married -- and yes, there are plenty of guys who aren't.

I guess the point of what I'm saying is to try to find ways to expand your social circle, however you can, in your 20s, because a lot of it becomes nearly impossible later on, so try to establish and maintain those connections, even if you don't really like them, it still gives you potential to expand your social network.

That sucks man -- it's one of the things that scares me a bit. I had a massive epiphany at 23-24 and reconnected with a lot of friends / made a lot more. Reach out to old friends, go to meetup events, etc. And then maintain those connections with meeting up as often as you can / calling / etc 

Making friends becomes REALLY hard the older you get. Even in your mid-20s it's much harder than early 20s and late 20s is a bit harder than mid-20s. Can't imagine what 30+ feels like though if you're in a major city (NYC / SF / etc) it should be possible until at 35 or so given people stay single longer and delay having kids longer.

Not sure what else to say, people have always locked down their friend groups by late 20s but in today's era where probably 30-40% of people have no idea how to interact socially (i.e. internet driven) the pool is even smaller. It's tough

Join some online gaming groups or play more computer games

Maybe it’s just okay

ive gotten a. Lot quieter as I get older

You become a highly functioning alcoholic/coke head/user of hookers until you either (i) get laid off and can no longer afford your "copes" or (ii) you hit bottom and seek help.

Send memes to friends and see who responds. It can spark conversation, and restarting friendships from a place of humor is always good. 

Otherwise, I would suggest doing something artistic in a public space, like writing in a coffee shop. It sounds like you're worried you've become a less interesting person, so it would be good to start flexing certain creative muscles while in environments with a lot of strangers. You'll become comfortable in crowded environments, and you'll find that you do have interesting things to say.

Add a more international perspective.  

My parents were diplomats from a South Asian country.  Not a rich place, but we're upper class nominally.  Came to America, for the dream, and have achieved it with great effort and a bit of luck.  Citizen now, and the rest is history.  Don't regret coming here financially, or in most 'vectors' of life.

Where do I feel remorse?  Social Bonds, Community.  The sense of a greater family.  The US doesn't have it.  It's questionable if many other developed regions still have it as well, but its acutely bad here.  For many reasons a few of them I'll try to describe.

1.  Weak bonds.  Family as a concept, while it existed in the US a while ago, has never been as strong as the tribal, clan, and ethnic bonds in many other locations.  You guys don't have a true extended family, by in large, and it makes life difficult.  You can't get rid of your blood relatives.  They often times will be your only safety net.  Americans, particularily multi-gen anglo white americans, in many cases, don't have this any more. 

2.  A communal feeling.  Doesn't exist here either.  It just doesn't.  No nice plazas where families just hang out.  You wake up in a box, drive to a box to work, or work from your living box.  You go to a box to workout, and back home to sleep in your box.  Box to Box, all day, everyday.  Some cities are ok, but upper middle class careers are being squeezed a bit here, so there isn't a template perhaps, like there was a decade or 2 ago.

3.  Social skills are less prominent among younger people today.  Inviting your neighbor and his kids over for coffee and a friendly tennis match?  Seems less common than before. 

4.  Anglo culture.  Doesn't incentivice family in the same way.  Compare white americans to Jewish americans, and the sense of community is literally so much larger in the latter group.  A very peachy culture where people are nominally friendly outside, but hard to get to know.  This isn't anyones fault.  It's just the way this society bleeds into people.  

The above, and a few other factors, makes it hard to have a 'home base' in the US.  Sure you have your college buddies, but get a demanding job, move cities, and 3 years later, if you didn't make time for them..they're now strangers.  

I don't know what the solution is other than to just keep trying.  Keep pushing my brother.  The struggle today is less than it was in the past.  

For the younger guys here.  Make an effort to keep your pre-25 friends.  That's when its easiest to make friends, and keeping old contacts is easier than building new ones.  Post 30, you need to go Temujin/Monke Khan/Subatai/Mongol Empire level of intensity in order to build a social circle here.  It's just what it is. 

Keep killing it brother.  Hope it works out, earnestly.

Heard people from other cultures / countries have an easier time making friends with people? Which places are like this? 

How about finding a job outside of finance? 

Isn’t it interesting that in the pursuit of something “great” we can destroy ourselves by means of just becoming? PM’d

Sounds typical for a person in the field